It’s back.
Time marches on, and April 1 has once again returned. So has the annual flood of (mostly questionable) brand pranks, hoaxes and jokes that compete for attention and corporate goodwill.
One company, however, has announced that enough is enough and that it’s not going to jump into the feeding frenzy: Microsoft marketing chief Chris Capossela sent out a note to employees last week announcing that the company had decided against doing any public-facing stunts because “data tells us these stunts have limited positive impact and can actually result in unwanted news cycles.”
[April Fools’ Day is a garbage holiday. Here is its terrible history.]
Will other companies follow suit this year? When will the curse be lifted, freeing me from this annual prison of mediocre brand jokes? Stay tuned to find out, as we update this list with every April Fools’ Day prank we can find on the Internet today.
- Google Maps has a history of introducing a feature or game for April Fools’ Day. This year? Snake.
- Google Assistant is spitting out random April Fools’ pranks from history if you ask about the “holiday.”
- Google hasn’t figured out how to let its Google Home devices talk to tulips.
- DJ Khaled isn’t TikTok’s new Chief Motivational Officer.
- Reddit usually does some sort of project, mystery or social experiment for April Fools'. Here’s this year’s.
- Spotify turned its “Discover Weekly” custom playlist into “Discocover Weekly," a playlist of disco covers.
- T-Mobile isn’t disrupting talking on the cellphone by introducing a phone booth.
- Duolingo isn’t going to send a creepy, human-size version of its mascot to your home to remind you to practice learning a new language.
- Shutterstock isn’t opening a brick-and-mortar library for stock images.
- Roku isn’t introducing a remote for dogs.
- Stash isn’t introducing an investment app for dogs.
- James Comey isn’t running for president.
- This article claiming Google is going to buy Spotify is not true, but seems to be fooling some people.
- Glasses USA isn’t teaming up with the makers of the Swiss Army knife to make a multitool that is also a pair of glasses.
- Halo Top isn’t launching an edible ice cream face mask.
- Club Pilates hasn’t created a balm that lets you skip Pilates and just get good muscles by rubbing it into your skin. They did make a balm though, and mailed it to me. It smells really strong and has CBD in it??
- McDonald’s isn’t introducing a milkshake-flavored sauce to dip its various products in.
- Dunkin’s Super Dough Holders for drinks look delicious but are just a prank.
- Lockheed Martin didn’t make a perfume that smells like outer space.
- The new Honda Passport isn’t the “Honda Pastport,” a car completely decked out in ’90′s-era technology and decor.
- New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady isn’t retiring.
- You won’t get a chance to read actress Jennifer Garner’s new book, “Bless Your Heart,” because it isn’t real.
- Tinder isn’t introducing a Height Verification Badge.
- This globe company isn’t selling a flat Earth globe (“you just place it on its base and watch it do nothing”).
- FreshDirect isn’t selling cauliflower milk called … caulk.
- YouPorn isn’t launching an “anti-distraction” app with a NSFW purpose.
- Nvidia isn’t launching a personal assistant for gamers.
- These gender-reveal mozzarella sticks aren’t real, but someone will probably do this now.
- Reviews.com set out to do a jokey, fake review of slime and then ended up reviewing slime for real.
- RetailMeNot isn’t starting Dealchella, a festival for hardcore coupon fans.
- SodaStream isn’t launching a product to catch burps and turn it into seltzer.
- Walt Disney World’s genius idea of “Snears,” the beautiful marriage of snacks and mouse ear-shaped head gear, is only a cruel joke.
- Burger King is doing something with the “Impossible Whopper” that’s kinda fake, kinda real.
- BBC iPlayer isn’t adding a button to skip sex scenes.
- Virgin Voyages isn’t introducing private jet transfers for their cruise ships (there’s also a possibility I’m too poor to understand what the joke was in the news release I got about this, please send help).
- Hallmark isn’t launching a wholesome dating app.
- Fatburger isn’t rebranding as “skinnyburger.”
- Popchips isn’t launching a single-serving chip that’s wrapped like a certain kind of contraceptive.
- Build-A-Bear’s new dating app, Build-A-Bae, is, it turns out, only a joke.
- You can’t buy this nutritional supplement that recreates the experience of a Midwestern snow.
- This litter company isn’t selling a mat for your cat that tricks it into napping there instead of on your book or iPad or newspaper (Only True Cat Owners Will Get This).
- Megabus isn’t lunching a vegan bus.
- Headphones that use two Cup Noodles cups for the ear pieces? No.
- This straw company isn’t disrupting straws with a thing that belongs in a dentist’s office.
- As usual, ThinkGeek isn’t actually selling a number of very dubious products, including a burned bread toaster by Banksy ($1,370,000.00); Roomby, a Kirby robot vacuum; or a bean bag onesie.
- Hardee’s isn’t looking to hire a “chief biscuit officer.”
- This yardwork apparel company isn’t launching a “dad shoe” for dads who like to mow the lawn in white sneakers.
- Tech21 isn’t doing an Emperor’s New Clothes on clear phone cases.
- Jagermeister isn’t making bongs now.
- This games company isn’t selling a stupidly expensive arcade-style “office simulator.”
- Timex isn’t launching a watch with a new 25th hour on it (though one reader reports that they did sell a limited quantity of the gag item today, it’s long since sold out).
- Robots! aren’t here.
- Landfall usually launches a fake game every year, but this year they actually released a game their fans had been waiting for.
- Start-up start-up kit? No.
- This still isn’t funny, George Takei.
- Mr. Potato Head’s hipster companion, Mr. Avo Head, is but a Hasbro joke.
- This social media news site published a fake story about seeing someone’s private Instagram that will probably become a copy-paste hoax that people believe. Oh, well.
- Poo-Pourri is now selling a scent they came up with for an April Fools’ joke two years ago.
- WestJet isn’t launching the FlyreFestival, but they did film a pretty elaborate parody of the Fyre Festival’s now-infamous marketing.
- The IyceFest is also fake.
- So is PuzzleFest.
- Swoop isn’t introducing a pay-to-recline feature.
- This tool company isn’t opening a food truck.
- Shippo isn’t starting pizza delivery.
- Penguin Random House, perhaps salty about people complaining that reading books takes too long, doesn’t really have an innovative solution.
- Bon Appetit’s popular YouTube channel isn’t going full ASMR, though they did make a video where Claire eats chips into a microphone.
- Bobos isn’t making DNA customized food.
- Durex isn’t offering Mala hot-pot-flavored condoms.
- This bottle-opening flip-flop company is doing a fanny pack as a joke to hold their sandals.
- The weed-flavored cottage cheese is fake.
- This one’s a little inside baseball, but the LA Times published a column that reviews New York City’s food scene in the anthropological tone that has characterized some of the New York Times’s coverage of other cities’ culinary offerings in the past.
- Auntie Annie’s isn’t getting into the hot yoga business.
- Roosevelt Island in New York isn’t getting a “millennial pink” makeover.
- Red Lobster isn’t going to start using candy for straws.
- Adidas didn’t lose its danged mind and make these trippy ads. They’re a joke made by someone else on “spec.”
- Avocado jokes!
- HelloFresh isn’t introducing a Unicorn Box.
- Webjet isn’t offering a Brexit sale on flights.
- This hotel book company’s press release about how you need a scooter to go room to room if you book a family trip on a competitor’s site because they won’t put you in rooms next to each other is a joke.
- The glasses with wipers for the rain are fake.
- Petco is not offering pet wedding services.
- And Wayfair is not offering a registry for pet weddings.
- BMW UK’s Lunar Paint, which charges the vehicle “in the hours of darkness,” isn’t real.
- A piano-teaching app isn’t introducing a “dangerously hard” mode, and their video contains a joke about snipers?
- Smiledirectclub isn’t launching teeth aligners for dogs, with flavors or with Bluetooth.
- These briefs for men who aren’t particularly well endowed aren’t real.
- This company isn’t going to trick kids into eating veggies by dipping them in chocolate.
- This clothing company isn’t crowdfunding various jokey underwear ideas.
- The next big thing isn’t coffee grounds on toast.
- Brooklinen isn’t making sheets for tiny animals.
- White Castle isn’t auctioning off a carbon-frozen burger from 1921.
- Sandals Resorts isn’t building a multi-tier glass-bottomed pool over the ocean.
- Dippin’ Dots deodorant is fake.
- Maybe you like Seiko watches and Senbei, but combining them remains a dream just beyond reach.
- This cycling company isn’t shutting down to pursue a new passion.
- Logitech mice are not hamsters now.
- Peet’s is not really introducing a salty licorice and cheese iced coffee with an extremely Dutch name.
- “Extreme minimalism,” as outlined in this Houzz post, is not a thing.
- Newegg’s iBrite isn’t going to revolutionize tech.
- REDBOX isn’t delivering DVD kiosks to your door by drone.
- The Washington Post’s Monkey Cage has not identified the future of social media.
- A Zillow competitor called Homesnap made a commercial about how they believe Zillow is bad and they are good.
- Nanoleaf isn’t innovating and introducing a sun simulator that is just a window.
- Chegg’s April Fools’ joke is an excuse generator.
- Duck Camp isn’t introducing a camouflage fabric that works in a field of bluebonnets
- These questionable gum flavors are fake.
- This wine seller isn’t bottling and selling Napa valley air.
- There’s not a new app for dealing with FOMO
- The NFL’s Chicago Bears aren’t giving all its players three-digit jersey numbers to celebrate their 100th season.
- Plated isn’t watching a gourmet food class for dogs so they can cook for their humans.
- Alamo Drafthouse isn’t switching to vertical video.
- Captain Morgan did a sports joke.
- Hard Kool-beer isn’t coming soon to a Seattle brewery.
- Pasta air fresheners aren’t real.
- Stack Overflow went retro.
- AirPods don’t grow on trees.
- Mineral water Popsicles? Fake.
- REI isn’t launching adventures for pets.
- This probiotic bubble bath isn’t real.
- This very good robot dog is just a prank.
- Bloomingdales isn’t opening a cat cafe.
- Re/Max isn’t expanding to do real estate under the sea.
- Marketing agency isn’t run by dogs now.
- Powell’s Books in Portland isn’t launching a city-wide, scooter-style book sharing program.
- A fasting app doesn’t have a fast food plan now.
- Pizza Hut isn’t delivering with dogs now.
- The Big Dipper isn’t being renamed the Big Bang Dipper after the TV show.
- A casual food chain isn’t selling sweet tea in kegs.
- Dogs aren’t doing laundry.
- Dollar Shave Club *is* selling “bath jerky" as a joke.
- A scooter company isn’t doing dockless horse sharing.
- Allrecipes doesn’t really want you to make this disgusting banana water.
- Fake cauliflower chocolate.
Correction: This post originally said that Reef’s bottle-opening sandals were fake. They are real, and the April Fools’ joke is that they’ve made a fanny pack for them.
This post has been updated and will continue to update.
Read more:
When Google first announced Gmail, it was brushed off as an April Fools’ Day joke
