People have ideas, and sometimes these ideas
are great ideas. But if people don't have all the "chops" and "money" necessary to pull
off
these great ideas, they turn out as only "good" creations. This happens a lot in band
situations because it's hard to pull together a whole band of people who are all of the
same level of talent and creativity. Archipelago Brewing Co. was a little-known San
Francisco underground rock outfit of the late `80s that had great musical ideas and
creativity, but a tonedeaf boring singer and production values rivaling that of a guy
recording an album on a piece of paper. But at least two members of the band would go
on to later and greater things - guitarist Brandan Kearney became a member of Caroliner
and founder of Nuf Sed Records, and gay drummer Jay Paget went on to fame and fortune
in the Thinking Fellers Union Local 282 and having sex with guys. The other members are
all stranded on an innertube in the middle of the ocean.
Originally released on cassette only, but now available on
the Drill Ye Tarriers Drill CD, the debut ABC recording was played by a three-
piece: James Dillon on vocals and percussion, Jay Paget on guitar, bass and percussion
and Brandan Kearney on guitar, bass, tapes and percussion. James just didn't have it, if
it wouldn't be impolite of me to say that he sucked shit off the floor every time he
opened
his mouth. This CD would have been a pretty nifty collection of intriguing guitar
interplay
and sampled noises used as rhythmic backdrop if the "singer" didn't sound like they just
dragged somebody in off the street and had him talk into the microphone with no
headphones on. Thankfully his disappointingly amateurish delivery is only present in
about half of the songs. The others are instrumental. Instrumental in making me a fan,
that is! As a cassette recording, you can TELL it's a cassette recording. The drums
and bass are nearly buried alive under the heavily reverbed guitars and samples. Kearney
was once quoted calling ABC a "garage band," and on a certain level I agree with that -
especially as the guitar tones are distorted and reverbed like your finest Nuggets,
Pebbles
and Pieces of Graphite (note to self: start a compilation series called "Pieces of
Graphite"
before posting review). But on another level, garage rock isn't generally anywhere near
this arty or UNrolling. The echo and delay of the guitars richocheting off of each other
while merging with often hilarious, always unrecognizable samples atop thumpa-thumpa-
thumpa background pounding sounds a hell of a lot less like the Sonics than it does early
Sonic Youth, a lot less "Western Union" than Thinking Fellers Union and a lot less
Standells than "Stand the hell away from me if you're gonna make that racket." Only
non-vocal problem left for me is that some of the songs seem particularly underwritten -
"The Insect God," for example, is just a high-pitched, ear-unpleasing Sun City
Girls-style
collage of bongos and bug noises, and "Two Bushels of Wheat" limps along on a pathetic,
boring pop chord progression that hasn't been original since about 1370. When it was
used to celebrate the birth of Laurens Janszoon Koster, the REAL inventor of the printing
press
(FUCK YOU, STEVE GUTTENBERG!). But every band has to start somewhere. Look at The
Hives. They started somewhere. And look at them now. Look at the White Stripes. Look
at the
Sex Pistols. Every single one of these bands started somewhere. So how can you argue
with
me that not every band has to start somewhere?
Supposedly this one was recorded in a studio (and actually
PRODUCED by somebody), but the mixia as muffled as the first one. The guitars may be
slightly less reverby, but the "Four Goddamn Girl Drummers" are just as hidden in the mix
as the one heavenblessed boy drummer on the debut. Musically, the rhythmic samples
are much less in attendance this time around, replaced by a higher percentage of really
catchy lead guitar lines (as opposed to the rhythm guitar chugs that drove the debut).
The
singer is slightly more tuneful this time around, but his voice is still very
boring
and doesn't help the album at all. The band sup you know what I'll start a new
paragraph
here. The band supposedly went from a trio to a nontet before this recording, but it
still just sounds like three guys making (tennis) racket in the basement. Not that most
of
your basement bands are going to be doing Raymond Scott covers. Or recording what
essentially sounds like twisted lo-fi funhouse music. Or coming up with so many great,
interesting, smart pieces of music. Unfortunately, again, the album's overall
effectiveness
is (johnny) marred by the singer's amateurishness, the lack of clarity in the mix and
several great pieces of music that aren't developed into ANYTHING ("Wussies-R-Us," for
example - beautiful moody guitar piece that reminds one of those glorious moments when
Sonic Youth sounds GOOD, but then does nothing with it at all). Bottom line - If you
like the Thinking Fellers Union Local 282 or Caroliner, you'd probably like the
Archipelago
Brewing Company too. They had the same sort of playfulness-meets-genius quality as
those bands, but with more distorted guitar action!
For the record, Open Your Foot was recorded in an actual studio, with an
actual engineer in attendance. It was released on cassette, yes indeed, but
it was recorded on a 1/2-inch 8-track reel-to-reel...so you may want to
consider raising its grade to a ten.
HOW DARE YOU???? ARCHIPELKAGO BERWING CO FUCKEN KICK ASS AND IF YOU DONT
LIKE IT YOU OVBIUSLY HAVE A PROBLEM WITH YOUR OWN GAYNESS!!!! JAMES IS A
GREAT FUCKEN SINGER AND THE BAND WOULD KICK-ASS EVEN IF HE WASN"T GREAT BUT
HE IS SO FUCK YOU!!! YOU PROBABLY WOULD PERFER MICHAEL BOLTON OR SOME OTHER
GAY DICKWAD SINGER BUT THOSE WHO KNOW, KNOW THAT JAMES IS DA MAN. HEY ITS
PRETTY EASY TO TALK SHIT WHEN YOU CAN"T DO ANYTHING YOUR SELF HUH? JUST HOW
MANY SONGS HAVE YOU WRITTEN ASSHOLE????
I'm not going to waste any time defending this batch of juvenilia against
your comments, most of which are eerily accurate. But I think I speak for
everyone in the band--and thus, by extension, for you too--when I say that
James was a fine singer and a consummate showman to boot. We all liked him
just fine...we still do, for that matter! You're welcome to your opinion, of
course...just as you're welcome to the chancroid lesions all over your
pecker. (Sorry to kiss and tell.)
Back to Mark Prindle, Author of Kiss My Tits:
What It Would Be Like If That Show `Alice' Had Been Filmed Completely In The
Nude