It can be hard to tell whether someone you’ve been chatting to online is genuinely interested in you. Here are our tips for sorting the frank from the fickle.
Roughly seven million UK residents are currently using dating sites, according to a recent study of online dating services . Yet, only two thirds – 66% – of online daters say they have actually gone on a date with someone they’ve met through a dating site or app. So what’s stopping the other third from meeting up? It could come down to the quality of conversation in the early stages of chatting online. Sometimes it’s hard to tell how genuine someone’s questions are, or how deep their interest lies. They say ‘hi’, you reply. But then it’s radio silence. So you reply again, “Hello?”, still nothing. Other times, you’ve been chatting away for weeks, but pinning down a date for that first big meet proves impossible. Sound familiar? Here are some tips for sorting the frank from the fickle.
1. They’ve replied to your initial message
It might sound obvious, but if you’ve sent a message to someone whose dating bio you like the look of, but they haven’t replied, it’s probably a no-go. 94 percent of online daters say they expect a response to their message within 24 hours of sending it. So if you’re holding out for a response from Suzi, 36 who you messaged over a week ago, don’t. She probably has her hazel eyes and quirky hair cut set on other sites. It’s time to message someone else.
2. Their messages include all the right signals
Professional flirting coach Gene Smith uses the acronym ‘FLIG’ to explain how you can tell if someone is flirting with you. Smith’s example refers to meeting people in person, however her principles can be applied to online dating too. ‘F’ stands for frequency; how often are you chatting to this person online? ‘L’ is for length; how long are the conversations you’re having with them? The ‘I’ refers to intensity – you want the conversation to have a level of intensity that you feel comfortable with. It goes without saying that you should be wary of anyone you meet online who seems overly pushy to meet up straight away. The ‘G’ is for gesture, which in Smith’s example refers to body language. Here, however, you could interpret gesture as whether or not they show willing to meet up for a date.
37% of couples who met online chatted for a week before going on their first date. If you find you’re chatting to someone who’s all questions and flirty comments, but seems hesitant to hatch a meet-up plan, it’s probably time to move on.
3. You plan your second date on your first
If you’ve already been on a first date, and everything seemed to go well, you might be wondering how, or when, to broach the topic of date number two. You might also be surprised to learn that 77% of couples planned their second date during the first date, so our advice here is to waste no time. If you feel like you enjoyed each other’s company and you can potentially see a romantic future together, suggest a second meeting. It doesn’t matter if you’re male or female – it’s the twenty-first century; embrace your freedom to propose another date.
Perhaps you’re reading through this article feeling like none of this advice applies to you yet, because you’re currently getting nowhere whatsoever with online dating. Your experience thus far has involved sending umpteen initial messages and receiving zero replies. If this sounds familiar, it might be worth revisiting your dating profile. A recent survey conducted by Paired Life found that 55% of online daters believe the most important aspect of an online dating profile is the ‘about me’ section. So it’s definitely worth putting some time into this; be authentic and make sure you give enough information about yourself and your interests. Your pictures are important too, with 45% of people surveyed claiming pictures are most important to them. If all your pictures are fuzzy or somehow failing to show you in your best light, you might want to book a photoshoot with a professional like Saskia Nelson, who specialises in photography for dating profiles. And, if you’re not sure what counts as a good or bad photo, read our article on the dating profile photos no one wants to see.
Above all, keep going with it and good luck.
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