Source: yourpersonalcheerleader
Please make this go viral.
It is so important I don’t even care if you delete what I write here, just help it be seen.
Reblog.
If you don’t reblog get the fuck out of here
(via recoverystruggles)
What is resilience?
Resilience is the capacity to withstand stress and catastrophe. Psychologists have long recognized the capabilities of humans to adapt and overcome risk and adversity. Individuals and communities are able to rebuild their lives even after devastating tragedies.
Being resilient doesn’t mean going through life without experiencing stress and pain. People feel grief, sadness, and a range of other emotions after adversity and loss. The road to resilience lies in working through the emotions and effects of stress and painful events.
Resilience is also not something that you’re either born with or not. Resilience develops as people grow up and gain better thinking and self-management skills and more knowledge. Resilience also comes from supportive relationships with parents, peers and others, as well as cultural beliefs and traditions that help people cope with the inevitable bumps in life. Resilience is found in a variety of behaviors, thoughts, and actions that can be learned and developed across the life span.
Factors that contribute to resilience include:
- Close relationships with family and friends
- A positive view of yourself and confidence in your strengths and abilities
- The ability to manage strong feelings and impulses
- Good problem-solving and communication skills
- Feeling in control
- Seeking help and resources
- Seeing yourself as resilient (rather than as a victim)
- Coping with stress in healthy ways and avoiding harmful coping strategies, such as substance abuse
- Helping others
- Finding positive meaning in your life despite difficult or traumatic events
Resilience and happiness:
Resilience and happiness are closely connected. People who have the close relationships and social supports that help them during times of adversity also experience much joy and satisfaction in these relationships during everyday life. People also get feelings of pleasure and meaning from doing things well, including the actions that help to overcome adversities.
Positive vs. negative emotions:
Happiness involves feeling more positive emotions than negative ones. Just as important, it also means finding meaning and satisfaction when you reflect on your life. It does not mean a life free from adversity, and most happy people feel just as many negative emotions as people who say they are less happy. For some people, the road to deep satisfaction with life may lie through overcoming challenges. Positive emotions may fuel the motivation to learn and grow in hard times.
There’s a close link between negative and positive emotions. Many of the positive emotions cannot happen without being vulnerable, and sometimes they come in response to negative emotions. For instance, forgiveness and compassion are responses to being wronged. Creativity and flow involve taking risks, sometimes failing, and trying again. Awe, inspiration, serenity, and gratitude mean recognizing something outside of and larger than yourself. And generosity requires acknowledging other people’s needs and wants and sometimes putting aside your own desires.
Source: (X)
“Is the glass half empty or half full?”
This is a common question that I’m sure a lot of you have heard but maybe you haven’t heard in this way.
When I was asked once If I saw the glass half empty or half full I responded with “Neither, the glass is full- half with water and half with air.” The reason I share this answer with you is it is because it is a tool I use when counselling others.
Often in life we are so caught up in our emotions, experiences and moods at any given time that we tend to narrow our perception. This is natural and understandable but this narrowed perspective prevents us from seeing the whole picture or the “full glass.” This can “cloud” our judgement and we may take actions or view situations in this limited way.
By opening ourselves to the idea that what we experience is simply a fragmented part of that picture it is possible to gain perspective on your life and experiences as a whole or “full glass.” This also reminds of the transient nature of our experiences, not to dismiss them but acknowledge them as a fragment of a “whole picture” we may not currently be able to access.
Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse is elusive. Unlike physical abuse, the people doing it and receiving it may not even know it’s happening. Emotional abuse just like any kind of abuse is designed to control and dominate others through the use of things like fear, humiliation, intimidation, manipulation, and refusal to ever be pleased. Emotional abuse takes an emotional toll that wears away your self confidence, sense of self worth and self perception as well as trust in yourself and your judgements. This may be done under the guise of “advice” or “teaching” or “guidance” but essentially this has the same impact that wears away your sense of your value as a person.
Although ways of emotional abuse can be divided into many categories there are three general patterns of emotional abuse:
Aggressing:
Aggressive forms of abuse include name-calling, accusing, blaming, threatening, and ordering. Aggressing behaviours are generally direct and obvious. The one-up position the abuser assumes by attempting to judge or invalidate the recipient undermines the equality and autonomy that are essential to healthy adult relationships. This parent-to-child pattern of communication (which is common to all forms of verbal abuse) is most obvious when the abuser takes an aggressive stance. Aggressive abuse can also take a more indirect form and may even be disguised as “helping.” Criticizing, advising, offering solutions, analysing, probing, and questioning another person may be a sincere attempt to help. In some instances, however, these behaviours may be an attempt to belittle, control, or demean rather than help. The underlying judgmental “I know best” tone the abuser takes in these situations is inappropriate and creates unequal footing in peer relationships.
Denying:
Invalidating seeks to distort or undermine the recipient’s perceptions of their world. Invalidating occurs when the abuser refuses or fails to acknowledge reality. For example, if the recipient confronts the abuser about an incident of name calling, the abuser may insist, “I never said that,” “I don’t know what you’re talking about, “ etc. Withholding is another form of denying. Withholding includes refusing to listen, refusing to communicate, and emotionally withdrawing as punishment. This is sometimes called the “silent treatment.” Countering occurs when the abuser views the recipient as an extension of themselves and denies any viewpoints or feelings which differ from their own.
Minimizing:
Minimizing is a less extreme form of denial. When minimizing, the abuser may not deny that a particular event occurred, but they question the recipient’s emotional experience or reaction to an event. Statements such as “You’re too sensitive,” “You’re exaggerating,” or “You’re blowing this out of proportion” all suggest that the recipient’s emotions and perceptions are faulty and not to be trusted. Trivializing, which occurs when the abuser suggests that what you have done or communicated is inconsequential or unimportant, is a more subtle form of minimizing. Denying and minimizing can be particularly damaging. In addition to lowering self-esteem and creating conflict, the invalidation of reality, feelings, and experiences can eventually lead you to question and mistrust your own perceptions and emotional experience.
If you suspect that you are being emotionally abused there are some ways to help cope and prevent this abuse. Remember that it is okay to reach out for help to a friend, family member or a professional. Stopping the emotional abuse takes courage.
Here are some steps you can take to help end the emotional abuse:
- Regain control of the situation by acting confident and looking the abuser in the eye.
- Speak in a calm, clear voice and state a reasonable expectation such as, “Stop teasing me. I want you to treat me with dignity and respect.”
- Act out of rationality, with responses that will help the situation, and not out of emotion.
- Practice being more assertive in other situations, so you can be more assertive when being emotionally abused.
Not all abusers will change their behaviour however. In this case I would suggest reaching out to a professional, helpline or an organisation that helps individuals who live with abuse.
If you’re struggling, you deserve to make self-care a priority. Whether that means lying in bed all day, eating comfort food, putting off homework, crying, sleeping, rescheduling plans, finding an escape through a good book, watching your favorite tv show, or doing nothing at all — give yourself permission to put your healing first. Quiet the voice telling you to do more and be more, and today, whatever you do, let it be enough. Feel your feelings, breathe, and be gentle with yourself. Acknowledge that you’re doing the best you can to cope and survive. And trust that during this time of struggle, it’s enough.
Source: internal-acceptance-movement
How to Increase Positive Thinking in Your Life
What you can do to increase positive emotions and take advantage of the “broaden and build” theory in your life? Well, anything that sparks feelings of joy, contentment, and love will do the trick. You probably know what things work well for you. Maybe it’s playing the guitar. Maybe it’s spending time with a certain person.
- Meditation: Recent research by Fredrickson and her colleagues has revealed that people who meditate daily display more positive emotions that those who do not. As expected, people who meditated also built valuable long–term skills. For example, three months after the experiment was over, the people who meditated daily continued to display increased mindfulness, purpose in life, social support, and decreased illness symptoms.
- Writing: This study, published in the Journal of Research in Personality, examined a group of 90 undergraduate students who were split into two groups. The first group wrote about an intensely positive experience each day for three consecutive days. The second group wrote about a control topic. Three months later, the students who wrote about positive experiences had better mood levels, fewer visits to the health center, and experienced fewer illnesses.
- Play: Schedule time to play into your life. We schedule meetings, conference calls, weekly events, and other responsibilities into our daily calendars… why not schedule time to play? When was the last time you blocked out an hour on your calendar just to explore and experiment? When was the last time you intentionally carved out time to have fun? You can’t tell me that being happy is less important than your Wednesday meeting, and yet, we act like it is because we never give it a time and space to live on our calendars. Give yourself permission to smile and enjoy the benefits of positive emotion. Schedule time for play and adventure so that you can experience contentment and joy, and explore and build new skills.
Source: stumbleupon.com
Ideas for Self Care days
- Sleep in and stay under the covers when you wake up, get very comfortable.
- if you want to get out of bed, pick something comfortable to wear.
- Keep hydrated.
- Try some herbal tea such as camomile.
- Doodle aimlessly or draw.
- Read a book, magazine or blog you love dearly.
- Take naps or rests whenever you need it.
- go outside, even if its just your backyard, and and focus on everything you can see, hear, smell and feel.
- Listen to music that makes you feel positive or empowered
- Eat food that comforts you or your favourite food.
Please be kind to yourself and your body I love you
Here are some other ideas for self care days
- Contact a friend or trusted person who makes you feel positive about yourself.
- Play with an animal if you have one.
- Watch your favourite movies and tv shows
- If you don’t feel like being alone ask a friend to spend a relaxing day with you.
- Praise yourself with positive affirmations
- Meditate or practice mindfulness
- Keep a list of people you can call if you feel like you are struggling
Please remember that my inbox is always open and I am more than happy to help with any concerns, questions or if you just need someone to vent to. Please feel free to send me an ask.
-Kris
(via anxiety-disorderr)
Source: blurryufo
Accepting reality is important in a range of situations in life but it is particularly important with mental health issues. By the resisting the limitations or refusing to accept the reality of how mental illness impacts you, it actually makes things worse.
This is because often we try to fight our symptoms which actually increases the severity of the symptoms in the long run. Practice accepting yourself, your mental health issues and the limitations that come with it.
(via mindful-magick)
Creating an internal safe space- Visualisation exercise
Having an area in which we feel safe is very important, sometimes it is impractical to get to that space. This is where creating an internal safe space is very important. You can access it at any time when you are stressed, anxious, depressed or just need an “escape”.
This works best if you are able to sit down preferably in a quiet area. Once you are comfortable to think of a place in nature or anywhere outdoors where you feel safe. Now start to become aware of your breathing, start to breathe slowly matching the lengths between inhaling and exhaling.
Close your eyes and imagine yourself sitting somewhere in your internal safe space. This doesn’t have to be exactly like the real place it is based on you can change any details you want. Remember this is your safe space.
Imagine yourself looking around, what do you see? What do you hear? What do you smell? What do you feel?
Now relax your shoulders, your arms and your legs while still maintaining slow breaths. Over the next 10 minutes absorb yourself in your safe space and all of the sensory information that comes with it.
Then slowly as you are ready open your eyes.
Suicide & a Safety Plan - Mental Heath Videos with Kati Morton (by Kati Morton)
tw: suicide
This is really a fantastic video, anyone who struggles with this should watch it.
(via recoveryandmentalhealth)
Source: youtube.com
Q:How do you disassociate? What triggers it? What do you experience/not experience?
Okay first let me do a little introduction to dissociation- everyone experiences dissociation on different levels. Most individuals experience dissociation in the form of “zoning out”, “day dreaming” and “highway hypnosis.” This is perfectly normal and nothing to be concerned about.
However like most things dissociation happens on a continuum. More severe levels of dissociation can cause numbness of the body, deadening of emotions and things like leaving one’s body. In the sense that you are “watching yourself” do things. Severe traumatic dissociation can come in the forms of fragmented emotional states or personalities, derealization (constant experience of dissociation) and depersonalization (not feeling the sense of “Me” or feeling your body as belonging to yourself). Dissociation can occur in specific areas such as time, senses, memory, emotion, environment and identity.
Due to my past history of trauma I experience dissociation in a range of forms, from mild dissociation like “zoning out” to a feeling of numbness throughout my body to emotional numbness to fragmented emotional states. Zoning out and emotional and physical numbness are pretty self explanatory which mostly impacts my sense of time, my memory and the level of emotion that I experience.
With my fragmented emotional states I essentially have multiple emotional states. One state leaves me feeling hopeless, depressive and self destructive, one leaves me feeling optimistic, determined and generally content and another state leaves me feeling extremely impulsive and almost manic in a sense. This impacts my sense of identity, my emotions and also time.
Essentially dissociation is a state. It’s a protective mechanism called up by the nervous system when it reaches its maximum capacity to process stimulation (both internally and externally). The “trigger” for dissociation is essentially when you are feeling overwhelmed by your current environment and your internal thoughts and feelings.
Dissociation caps the keyed up and restless energy underneath. It numbs the body so that one feels less internal distress. It’s a good temporary back up plan devised by nature for coping when we feel overwhelmed. However, particular in cases that involve trauma your system ends up to reliant on the protective mechanism of dissociation which may become problematic.
If you experience dissociation and would like to learn how to manage it here is a very helpful website: managing Dissociation.
-Kris
Aromatherapy to help with various health issues.
My psychiatrist a specialist in trauma and trauma recovery yesterday asked me to smell a bottle of Jasmine oil. At the time I was quite dissociated. I agreed and almost immediately after smelling it I was present in the room and my anxiety had alleviated. I have since bought a bottle of pure Jasmine essential oil and plan to carry it with me.
My experience is not an isolated one, many essential oils are extremely useful to help with various health issues.
“The profound and complete therapeutic effects of essential oils derive from more than their pleasant fragrance. They have vital electromagnetic properties and vibrational energies that invigorate the mind, the soul, the body’s energy, and thus their functioning.” Kurt Schnaubelt, Ph.D.
The most common treatment applications using pure essential oils are inhalation and application through the skin.
Inhalation may be as simple as sniffing the aroma from the bottle, applying a few drops to your pillowcase, or making up a spray bottle. Most professional aroma-therapists recommend utilizing a nebulizer for more constant exposure. In the European tradition, however, using ingested essential oil remedies are more common. A professional aroma-therapist should advise you on the proper dose and administration if you wish to use this method.
The benefits of essential oils can be achieved by direct application of the oils when used in baths, massage, or skin oils and lotions. Carrier oils (high quality vegetable oils) like sweet almond, hazelnut, or apricot seed are good choices. Lotions should be made from all natural ingredients, with vitamin E or rosemary oil as preservatives.
Sedative oils are psychoactive by ingestion but inhalation allows for more rapid effect, and smaller doses. Absorption rates of essential oils vary and this can be helpful in dose titration. The stimulant oils seem to work best with this approach.
The psycho-physiological effect essential oils can be observed with EEG. Cortical activity is altered in alpha, beta, delta, and theta waves. Research in Japan established that jasmine oil increases alertness and attention through beta-wave activity. Jasmine oil can also offer a stimulating effect.
The central nervous system has much to gain with the use of essential oils. They can be anti-depressant, sedative, tranquilizing, and release endorphins. The hypothalamic response affects the endocrine system through hormone release. Ultimately, all cells in a living organism are touched through the use of the oils.Source: http://www.alternativementalhealth.com/articles/aroma.htm
Self Hatred
HOW SELF-HATE PATTERNS FORM: Blaming and Shaming
There are two parts to the formation of self-hate patterns. The first is BLAME, which usually originates with judgment in the mind/spirit.
When we are children, before we have an understanding of “self” vs. “other”, we are particularly open and vulnerable to the input of those around us. We form our sense of self based on how we are treated. We can both be imprinted at the emotional level (made to feel bad), and the mental level (taught judgment of good/bad and right/wrong). But it doesn’t matter if the judgements came from our parents, teachers, friends, church, or if they originated with something within our own self. The point is that our mind believes the judgements and takes on the role of carrying out the sentencing. This means part of the self is actively blaming another part of the self. Self-blame is the hate part of self-hate.
The second part of the picture involves the soul. The soul receives the judgment/blame as feelings of SHAME.
Shame can be thought of as the energetic opposite of hate. The shape of hate is outward, forward, convex, active. The shape of shame is inward, concave, passive. Shame causes us to abdicate our own space. Shame says we deserve bad things, do not deserve good things. When we feel shame, we shrink, we give over, we collapse.
Shame doesn’t always come from feeling judged. We may feel remorse and regret over having hurt someone we love, or having neglected them in some way. This is not a judgment sourcing from the mind, but pain that comes from the heart and soul. When you love someone you don’t want them to be hurting. And when you are the one who causes them to hurt, you feel remorse, regret, and that turns to shame. Remorse and regret can be cried though, and we can always make things right with the ones we have hurt. If we can’t make it right with them personally, we can make it right spiritually and energetically, and that energy will reach them on another level. And we can commit to never doing that kind of harm again.
Note: Guilt and self-hate are not the same thing, but are tightly intertwined. Guilt comes from outside ourselves and occupies the space we give up when we feel shame. Guilt pushes on our shame, makes us feel worse. That’s when we say we feel guilty, but we are actually feeling shame. The test? Guilt doesn’t cry. It can’t be healed. Shame does cry, and it can be healed. The only way to move guilt out is to cry our shame and take back our space.
Through the blame and shame process, conclusions are drawn that form our belief system with the concrete belief “I am bad” at the foundation. And then we don’t fight back when bad things happen because, after all, that’s what we deserve. Or, we fight back while at the same time knocking ourselves down.
TWO OTHER IMPORTANT CONTRIBUTORS –
There are two other ways that self-hate patterns can be formed, or contributed to. Usually when we see a person with self-hate as a LIFE pattern, they have a combination of the shame/blame, and one or both of the additional problems here. Knowing these things makes it a little easier to heal. Although sometimes we don’t know the source until we begin to cry the pain.
1. Rage in Conversion: This is not actually self-hate. It’s what we call a conversion. It actually begins as a thwarted rage response to something external.
When we are hurt, frightened, threatened or left with unmet needs, when we have been mistreated or abused, we are naturally and spontaneously angry about it. If we have no self-hate/self-doubt, then we automatically feel that the hurt or neglect is UNFAIR! And both our soul and spirit try to make sense of the hurting. The deeply felt response from the core of a self-loving being is “why is this happening to me”? “Why did you hurt me, terrify me, leave me?” etc.
If the hurt/fear/anger is allowed to cry at the moment, it heals and dissipates, and the quest for the cause expands to greater understandings, as well as greater abilities to get out of the hurtful situation. But when the rage is not allowed to cry, especially if it is suppressed with threats of MORE violence, it builds up a compressed energy charge. Compressed energy eventually becomes like a volcano that MUST blow. Energy must go somewhere. But when it tries to express outwardly, it hits a wall and has nowhere to go but back in on itself. Then the quest for a “reason” turns inward, as does the rage at being mistreated. The mind builds a rigid belief that says “I deserve this”, and soul feels the rage that is twisting and turning back inward. The soul responds with shame and alarm. Is this my fault? Did I cause this? It becomes a twisted pretzel at this point, and we can no longer separate “hate you” from “hate me”. Rage has converted itself into self-hate.
How to know if you are holding converted rage? When you begin to cry this pain, it may begin as shame or inward self-hate feelings. But eventually (sometimes immediately) it becomes the outward rage that it was meant to be, and you’ll find yourself crying rage/hatred AT somebody or some situation. Then you may go back to crying something inward and self-focussed. Back and forth. This is the pretzel, untwisting itself, and dissipating the compressed energy charge of the rage.
2. Taking In Other People’s Hatred: This is a very difficult, but very common way that self-hate forms. It is difficult, because at the root of it is the feeling of being hated. We usually receive this kind of hatred when we are open and boundary-less. Children receive hatred from others all the time, and never know that it’s not their own. The hatred coming from another person is actually taken in and held deep within the soul. We have called this the DarkDeath, because that’s how it feels when you hold another person’s hatred energy within yourself.
The feeling of being hated is horrible and horrifying. There is nothing like it. For the soul it’s an experience like death. Several things happen:
- The soul responds to being hated with extreme shame. It’s a feeling like being socked in the gut, and we energetically cave in around the wound, which is generally in our heart and stomach area.
- We feel terror of it happening again. And terror hates to be in a state of anticipation, desperately wants to know what happened and how to prevent it from happening again. Terror begins a scramble to “be good”, in whatever ways it seems may keep hatred from hitting us again. Yin energy people commonly present this way.
- We feel rage at the unfairness of it. We may try to “prove” how wrong the hatred is, or we may try to prove how right it is, by acting out our complete and total “badness”. Yang energy people will commonly present this way.
- Since its origins are not in the mind, we may not be able to understand why we continually feel so unworthy and hated. And we may not be able to distinguish this feeling from our own self-hate. When we take in hatred from another person, we feel it as our own. We own it, even though it is not ours. Mind tries to understand why we are being hated. Mind may form elaborate constructs to explain the feelings. Mind concludes we must have done something to cause it, and begins to act in collusion with the hatred. And so the blame/shame cycle begins.
The bottom line here is that this outside hatred we call the DarkDeath cannot be rationalized or fixed. And it cannot be cried. You cannot cry and heal what does not belong to you. What we can cry is the result. We can cry our response to this hatred, the pain of feeling hated. We can cry the anger at how unfair it feels, we can cry the heartbreak and the sadness. But the hatred we are holding here cannot cry and heal. It must be released and given back to its rightful home.
Why Do We Hold It? Usually we receive this hatred when we are vulnerable and lacking in boundaries, and before we have an understanding of Self vs. Other. So we often don’t know that this hatred does not belong to us. In addition, if we live with constant abuse, then we are also imprinted with the belief that we MUST NOT FORM BOUNDARIES or say NO to the abuse, that we must stay open to “what we deserve”. Our Belief System then says we deserve this, and that we must continue to accept it and hold it. Staying open to another person’s hatred then, becomes the pattern for our lives. We may not have always known how to hold against this hatred. We may not have been able to form boundaries or say no to it. But we can change this now. We CAN give the hatred back. We can form boundaries to prevent ever taking in more hatred again. And we can heal the wounds the hatred created in our soul.
Source: http://www.cyquest.com/pathway/patterns_self_hate.html
Top