All peer-viewed studies to be replaced by CAPS LOCK
In a staggering move, all future scientific studies WILL BE REPLACED BY LIBERAL USAGE OF THE CAPS LOCK BUTTON. OK?!
JK Rowling’s next book will be a list of who is banging who
Sick of internet conjecture, JK Rowling has announced that her next book will just be a list of who is doing who…and how.
Inmates prepare cutlery for Pell’s welcome party
The news of George Pell’s conviction has the populace of one Victorian prison rushing to welcome him in the proper fashion.
Measles send gift baskets to Hollywood elite
In a surprise move, the measles are trying to make nice with Hollywood, so they’ve sent some of their greatest critics a free basket of what they’re about.
Matthew Flinders returns from the grave to doubt ScoMo
This morning, Matthew Flinders was found, and was found to have some strong words for Scott Morrison’s plan to honour Captain Cook.
Scott Morrison to ask women where the bloody hell they are
In an attempt to woo women back to the Liberal Party, Scott Morrison has offered a fresh twist on the ‘So Where The Bloody Hell Are You” tourism campaign.
“Karen” from Facebook more credible than health organisation, poll finds
It’s official. Your mum’s friend Karen is more credible than government-funded medical professionals.
Study: The science of schadenfreude – Why it feels so good to see someone fail
Schadenfreude. The only thing that makes life worth living. Ha ha.
Study: Only two hours of Googling required to become an expert
It’s official, it only takes a two hours of Googling before you become an expert in whatever it is you’re yelling.
Breaking: Santa only delivering presents to vaccinated children
According to an exclusive report, Santa Claus has done away with the naughty/nice list, and will only visit the houses of boys and girls who are vaccinated.
Study: 80% of naturopaths rejected from real med school first
In a sweeping study of the industry, 80% of practicing naturopaths admitted to flunking out of med school.
It’s time the major NSW parties raised their game in selecting premiers
Fake news correspondent, Cec Pitt, discusses whether the major NSW parties are applying sufficient due care and attention to selecting candidates for the state’s top job.
Couple that hates each other decide to have child to save relationship
“If it doesn’t work, at least we tried.” In an effort to bring peace to their relationship, local couple decides to introduce a baby into the equation.
Centrelink announces assistance package for failed Instagram influencers
In an effort to help those truly in need, Centrelink has announced a new welfare package will be introduced to assist those who failed to influence Instagram.
Eastern suburbs cocaine users take shelter as dust storm closes in
Panicked cocaine enthusiasts are fleeing for the indoors as this afternoon’s predicted dust storm blows its way into Sydney.
People wearing Polo shirts not necessarily rich: Report
In a far-encompassing social study, it seems that those who wear large logo polo shirts are not necessarily rich. Scandal.
Banks apologise for misconduct, offer new fee for customers
It seems that the banks have learned from the Royal Commission, and to prove it, they’ve instituted a new fee to say sorry. In their most contrite response to the interim findings of the Royal Commission into banking misconduct, Australia’s big four banks have moved to ease the pain they have caused customers…
Innocent “Movember” participant taken in by police on vague suspicion of wrongdoing
One innocent Movember participant was taken in by the police over the weekend, primarily on the basis of looking more than a bit suss.
It’s official: Anti-vaccers voted the worst people on Facebook
According to a very serious (and not all bogus) study, Facebook believes that the anti-vaccers that use their platform are the absolute worst.
Bolt leaves Mariners, locks in $3M deal with the Wallabies
Usain Bolt is the next talent to be poached by Rugby Union, as the Wallabies were quick to cut the Jamaican a cheque. They’ll work out the details later.
Ivanka: Regarding Dad, the devil I know is preferable to the ones that I don’t
In this latest Fake News exclusive, Ivanka explains why she believes her dad will eventually triumph over CNN and the New York Times and become America’s most beloved President.