MehGyver

@AndrewNadeau0

Less funny in person. Header by Top Tweets:

Chicago, IL
teespring.com/stores/MehGyve…
Sumali noong Mayo 2016
Ipinanganak noong 1986
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  1. Naka-pin na Tweet
    Set 11, 2018

    Plato’s Allegory of the Cave.

    117 sagot 8,359 mga retweet 22,627 gusto
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  2. Ni-retweet ni
    Ene 12

    Bring your kid to work day

    2 sagot 81 retweet 383 gusto
    I-undo
  3. 4 (na) oras ang nakalipas

    Sooo… the Pringles might still be elsewhere?

    Police were called to a Texas Walmart after a woman was reportedly drinking wine from a Pringles can and riding an electric cart in the parking lot.
    2 sagot 4 mga retweet 35 gusto
    I-undo
  4. 6 (na) oras ang nakalipas

    CUSTOMER: This water is so bland. CHEF WHO’S ABOUT TO INVENT TEA: Oh you don’t like my water? Here, have some fucken leaves in it.

    2 sagot 14 mga retweet 143 gusto
    I-undo
  5. Ni-retweet ni
    13 oras ang nakalipas

    Restaurants should offer a dessert called “Just One Spoonful Of Ice Cream From The Carton” that consists of three spoonfuls of ice cream from the carton, like you’d have at home.

    22 sagot 73 retweet 950 gusto
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  6. 7 oras ang nakalipas

    🎶Coming out of my cage And I've been doing not great On account of the cage, on account of the cage🎶

    2 sagot 31 retweet 128 gusto
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  7. 9 (na) oras ang nakalipas

    Oh, your body’s a temple? You know what else was a temple? The Temple of Doom. That place also sucked.

    8 sagot 14 mga retweet 162 gusto
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  8. Ni-retweet ni
    Ene 13

    You: Hurt people hurt people Me, nodding: and sea turtles see turtles

    35 sagot 1,554 mga retweet 8,639 (na) gusto
    I-undo
  9. Ni-retweet ni
    Peb 19, 2018

    I like to think Alvin and the Chipmunks were just regular chipmunks and Dave was a crazy person who thought he was their father/band manager.

    6 mga sagot 87 retweet 578 gusto
    I-undo
  10. 10 oras ang nakalipas

    ME: I thought you said “nap battle.” RAP BATTLE HOST: You can’t possibly think I said that. How would we even judge— ME: *Already napping* HOST: Oh damn.

    2 sagot 53 retweet 394 (na) gusto
    I-undo
  11. 10 oras ang nakalipas

    Pound for pound, the parmigiano cheese is the most expensive food in the entire Olive Garden. And they will keep grating it until you say stop. I’m not telling you what to do with this information, but it’s here and I hope you use it.

    2 sagot 20 retweet 143 gusto
    I-undo
  12. Ni-retweet ni
    16 (na) oras ang nakalipas

    them: if all you did today was get out of bed, you succeeded me: ok I did not succeed

    9 mga sagot 92 retweet 1,005 gusto
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  13. Ni-retweet ni
    Dis 22, 2018

    Me, trying to flirt with the Mormon missionary at my door: No sir, have YOU heard the Good News? IT'S THAT I'M SINGLE.

    44 mga sagot 279 mga retweet 2,346 (na) gusto
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  14. Ni-retweet ni
    Ago 30, 2018

    wife: [watching the news] some idiot tried to fight a squid at the aquarium me: [covered in ink] maybe the squid was being a dick

    310 sagot 45,002 retweet 221,644 (na) gusto
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  15. Ni-retweet ni
    Set 5, 2018

    Him: you have 3 Starbucks coffees in your car? Me: one's for you Him: and the other one? Me: *remembering that I wanted to try a new flavor but also got my usual in case I don't like it* I'm having an affair.

    6 mga sagot 197 retweet 1,179 (na) gusto
    I-undo
  16. Ni-retweet ni
    Dis 20, 2016

    [Starbucks meeting] ME: Sorry I'm "latte" haha BOSS: Aren't you the guy we fired for biting a customer

    17 sagot 1,123 retweet 4,013 gusto
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  17. Ni-retweet ni
    16 (na) oras ang nakalipas

    Actual phone conversation that just happened Me: Sorry I missed your call Mom, I was in the middle of a game Me: no, I didn't win Me: no, he didn't know it was my birthday Me: I'm sorry too Mom

    54 mga sagot 366 mga retweet 5,622 gusto
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  18. 14 (na) oras ang nakalipas

    [God Save the Queen comes on] QUEEN ELIZABETH II: Aw, fuck yeah, this is my jam!

    3 sagot 65 retweet 407 gusto
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  19. 14 (na) oras ang nakalipas

    DUCK: *After writing text* Oh, that’s so handy. It automatically changed it to “ducking mad” for me.

    1 sagot 12 retweet 110 gusto
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  20. Ni-retweet ni
    Hul 21, 2015

    My goldfish died. The good news is I’m inheriting a tiny treasure chest.

    137 sagot 3,371 retweet 8,992 gusto
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  21. Ni-retweet ni
    18 oras ang nakalipas

    CEO: for our granola bars, we need to invent a place that reminds people of nature Lazy Tom: nature valley CEO: perfect. no more pitches

    4 mga sagot 230 retweet 3,184 (na) gusto
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