SHUT UP! is a game invented by my brother, Gaz, and his friend Smit.

It's a two-player game whose single rule is as follows:

• The first person to tell the other person to shut up on any given day wins.

A new game is played every day and running totals may be recorded. This cultivates the healthy and hilarious practice of greeting one's friends and relatives with "SHUT UP!" instead of "Hello".

I highly recommend this game for its simplicity and comedy value!

Shut Up! Championship 2007

My brother Gaz and I had an ongoing SU going for something like a year but both of us rapidly lost track of the score and the game became tedious. As a result, in early January 2007 we decided to change the rules of the game and play a one-year match, with a new round happening each month instead of each day.

January 2007

Gaz had already won the first match of 2007 although the precise circumstances I forget. 1-0 to Gaz.

February 2007

I won in February. 1-1.

March 2007

This one I was totally ready for. We have a standing rule that we're not allowed to say "Shut up" in the mornings when both of us are half-asleep so matches are generally decided in the evening. I got Gaz immediately on walking in the back door after getting home from work. 2-1 to me.

April 2007

This day was a Sunday, but it was also April Fool's Day so I was more caught up in that (AFD on the internet is always a sight to behold) and forgot that it was also the start of a new month. I eventually remembered just as I was leaving the table after lunch. 3-1 to me!

May 2007

Gaz is currently in his final year of secondary school and is applying for university places. 1 May 2007 saw him head off to an interview in a city whose name I can't currently remember, and return tired and weary late that evening.

He was preparing for this round over a week in advance, but made the mistake of tipping me off that he was doing so. So when he got in, I was certain that the first thing he did would be to come upstairs and ambush me. I was ready for this, but decided to give him a sporting chance in view of the long day he'd had, and my lead.

Time passed, and nothing happened. I eventually sauntered downstairs into the living room to find him watching television, at which point I scored myself a fourth point and Gaz cried foul play.

Bushwa! Save it for next month!

June 2007

I forgot this one was coming - May passed extremely quickly for me. Gaz was planning his move for several minutes before I got home. When I got to the back door, he dashed out through the patio door and ran around to ambush me from behind. I caught sight of him through the kitchen window as he was making his run but didn't quite put the pieces together quickly enough. 4-2 in my favour. Still everything to play for.

July 2007

1 July 2007 was a Sunday. The family went to church, I stayed in bed but was awake by the time they got back. I heard Gaz et al arrive downstairs and yelled "Shut up!" from where I was upstairs. Gaz and my dad both immediately disputed the point, arguing that one must be within eyeshot before making the call. I conceded this point, and Gaz immediately tried to shut me up, but I argued to replay the round the following day.

Of course, by this time, I had forgotten completely that the game was even going on. Gaz ambushed me from behind the dining table as I came down for dinner.

4-3 to me. Gaz still in with a chance...

August 2007

Sitting over breakfast this morning it occurred to me that time was flashing by: all of a sudden, it was August. Then it occurred to me that a new round of SU had begun. Somehow I managed to avoid forgetting this until the afternoon when I was on my way home. I reached the back door idly wondering whether Gaz might attempt to ambush me from some unseen location, but he seemed to be idly watching television. He heard me coming, and had ample time to react to my arrival, but simply didn't. A poor effort by Gaz; textbook victory for myself. 5-3 to me.

September 2007

?

October 2007

6-4 to me.

November 2007

6-5 to me. Still everything to play for.

December 2007

7-5 to me. I gave Gaz a sporting chance but he didn't take it, so I took the shot.

Shut Up 2007 is over with a victory for me. We won't play again next year because it's too tedious and I've lost interest.