Prior to falling pregnant, Laura*, a Sydney midwife, felt she was living a dream life. Her partner, a doctor training to be an obstetrician, was handsome, smart and kind.
But when she fell pregnant three years into their relationship, the psychological abuse began. "I didn't know it was [abuse] at the time. I just thought I wasn't behaving properly. It was so subtle," she recalls. "I would have ridiculous lessons on how to do everyday things. I truly believed I couldn't chop up carrots properly. He even told me it was my fault I was sick with hyperemesis during the pregnancy."
Laura, now in her mid-40s, believes her partner was jealous of the baby and scared she would love the child more than him.
"He told me that our baby would be ugly and would hate me when it came out," she says. "I was forced to use a spoon to eat potato chips because he didn't want me touching them with my hands."
Inez Carey, Program Specialist at 1800RESPECT, says it's common for women to experience violence for the first time during pregnancy.
"Sometimes there are no indicators of violence prior," she says. "It is a growing time of independence for a woman. Her focus is not solely on her partner, but on that of her health and her unborn child. To the partner that separateness becomes more obvious, so he may attempt to regain the power balance. We know it is a time of greater risk and continues after the birth."
Professor of Midwifery at Western Sydney University, Hannah Dahlen, spent 10 years looking at the records of 32,000 women at one Sydney hospital and found only 4.3 per cent reported experiencing domestic violence at antenatal screenings. She believes this figure is less than the reality.
During Laura's antenatal screenings the standard domestic violence questions were brushed off because she was a midwife and care-providers assumed she would know all about it.
Ms Carey says a level of trust needs to be built up before women disclose domestic violence to support services, as they are worried they will be judged as a bad mother.
"Pregnancy is traditionally a time of joy and celebration so to experience violence during this time is very confounding," Ms Carey explains. "It is challenging to articulate something that previously seemed so incomprehensible to you."
"We need to find a better way to ask the question," warns Professor Dahlen. "We need to be alert to the signs of domestic violence, such as a history of childhood abuse, depression and admissions for bleeding."
New research published in the BMJ Open found women experiencing domestic violence during pregnancy are more likely to be admitted to hospital with threatened pre-term labour.
Laura was rushed to hospital with bleeding three times during her pregnancy, but she dreaded being told to take time off work because it meant spending time at home with her husband, especially as the abuse had turned voilent.
"Sometimes it would be the wooden spoon and he would belt me over the head or face," she recalls. "He only hit my face on my days off or hit the areas that couldn't be seen at work. He would hit me in the abdomen and I would go to work and check the baby's heart rate. He told me the only reason I wasn't killed during my pregnancy was because I was not worth going to jail for."
Six months after Laura gave birth to their baby, her husband called the mental health crisis team to the house. Laura thinks he was hoping to get her classified as crazy so he would get sole custody.
"They (the crisis team) said 'you are in serious danger. We are scared what he is going to do next'. They stood there while I packed a bag."
Ms Carey wants all women in need to know they can get help. "When women know there are options for support, and they have choice in how and when they access it, this can be incredibly relieving in the context of being constantly trapped, monitored, abused and afraid."
If you or someone you know is impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence, call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or visit 1800RESPECT.org.au
In an emergency, call 000.
*name changed