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@TheOnion

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Joined March 2008
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  1. Pinned Tweet
    Mar 2

    Report: We Don’t Make Any Money If You Don’t Click The Fucking Link

    345 replies 3,804 retweets 17,160 likes
    Undo
  2. 26 minutes ago

    Nancy Pelosi Planning To Reenergize House By Injecting Self With Blood Of Young Representatives

    29 replies 213 retweets 994 likes
    Undo
  3. 1 hour ago

    Naked Man Refusing To Let Unworthy Attire Touch His Body Until Launch Of New Onion Store Merchandise

    14 replies 31 retweets 474 likes
    Undo
  4. 2 hours ago

    Pfizer Unveils New Double-Sided EpiPen For Lovers

    18 replies 121 retweets 758 likes
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  5. 2 hours ago

    Report: Nation Getting Out All Its Aggression During Monthly Calls To Wireless Provider To Fix Service

    13 replies 54 retweets 521 likes
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  6. 3 hours ago

    The Onion’s Guide To ‘Red Dead Redemption 2’

    5 replies 78 retweets 377 likes
    Undo
  7. 3 hours ago

    North Korea Possibly Still Operating Hidden Missiles Bases ?

    12 replies 69 retweets 558 likes
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  8. 4 hours ago

    Unclear What Coworker With Banana On Desk All Day Waiting For

    37 replies 256 retweets 2,163 likes
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  9. 5 hours ago

    BREAKING: Mrs. Nichols Also Daniel’s Mom

    10 replies 122 retweets 1,250 likes
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  10. 6 hours ago

    Paleontologists Determine Dinosaurs Were Killed By Someone They Trusted

    55 replies 614 retweets 3,147 likes
    Undo
  11. 6 hours ago

    Elderly Man Hailed As Alert

    6 replies 33 retweets 556 likes
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  12. Retweeted
    Nov 12

    How The Hell Did He Swing That? This Kid’s Hat Has His Fucking Name On It

    16 replies 309 retweets 2,652 likes
    Undo
  13. 14 hours ago

    National News Highlights

    10 replies 31 retweets 280 likes
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  14. 15 hours ago

    Man On Internet Almost Falls Into World Of DIY Mustard Enthusiasts

    35 replies 255 retweets 1,652 likes
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  15. 16 hours ago

    "If you enter a subway station and cannot prove you work for Jeff Bezos, you will be arrested."

    New York City Announces Subway Just For Amazon Employees Now
    73 replies 1,833 retweets 10,041 likes
    Undo
  16. 16 hours ago

    Businessman Does His Work Lying On Bed Like Schoolgirl

    56 replies 1,065 retweets 7,503 likes
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  17. 17 hours ago

    To see more unmatched reporting, visit .

    5 replies 14 retweets 152 likes
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  18. 18 hours ago

    Serial Killer Makes Impassioned Case For Protecting Local Marsh

    24 replies 370 retweets 2,561 likes
    Undo
  19. 18 hours ago

    "Let us never forget how WWE continues to affect all of us, and how these brave men dedicated their lives to wrestling for their country.”

    8 replies 95 retweets 451 likes
    Show this thread
    Show this thread
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  20. Retweeted
    Nov 13

    This Will Change The Way You Watch 'Toy Story'

    15 replies 409 retweets 1,501 likes
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  21. 20 hours ago

    5 Things To Know About ‘Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes Of Grindelwald’

    5 replies 80 retweets 314 likes
    Undo

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