Guess he'd know from shitholes.
Ted Nugent, a native of Michigan, took to Facebook Wednesday to express his displeasure at the Badger Chevrolet Wolverine State for electing a whole bunch of Democrats, and maybe one Democrat in particular if you know what he means and we think you do.
These guys are shameless
Good news, everyone! Carol's lake house in Minnesota has checked in "safe" on Facebook from that awful caravan crisis, which unlike what conservatives think about climate change was definitely man-made. You probably recall the story about the Marie Antoinette of Minnesota whom Donald Trump had scared even more shades of white about an invading army of hostile poor people. This "caravan of migrants" would not stop until it reached a state that is only habitable for human life for about two weeks in May. Then would come the raping and pillaging in an undetermined order until even innocent lake houses were "occupied."
Mr. Trump's dystopian imagery has clearly left an impression with some. Carol Shields, 75, a Republican in northern Minnesota, said she was afraid that migrant gangs could take over people's summer lake homes in the state.
"What's to stop them?" said Ms. Shields, a retired accountant. "We have a lot of people who live on lakes in the summer and winter someplace else. When they come back in the spring, their house would be occupied."
What's to stop "them"? Absolutely nothing ... that isn't, say, a midterm election that happened Tuesday! The caravan probably packed it in on Wednesday, because what's the point? All eligible voters have been terrified. Turns out the caravan didn't contain gang members after all but just the electoral version of the creatures from Monsters, Inc. who live on fear.
It's been mere hours since Democrats won control of the House of Representatives, and Donald Trump is in a bad fucking mood. First he gave a whinyass crybaby GRRR ARGH press conference, and now he has followed through on what he's been threatening for months now. He has quit-fired Attorney General Jeff Sessions on Twitter, and announced that he's sticking one of his personal ass-lickers in as acting attorney general.
Voting in Georgia yesterday was exactly the sort of disorganized frustrating fuck-tussle you might expect in a state where the Republican Secretary of State Brian Kemp is simultaneously running for governor AND in charge of making the election run smoothly. Big surprise! In many areas with large black populations, the voting didn't go so smoothly! After "technical issues" at multiple sites -- little things, like poll workers forgetting power cords for machines -- many voters had to wait three or four hours to vote. And that is perfectly convenient and normal and not at all a form of voter suppression because as any fool knows, there's no such thing as voter suppression.
OH MY GOD, WONKETTE PEOPLE AND OTHER PEOPLE WHO MAY BE READING THIS NOW, IT IS TIME TO DO THE THING!
First of all, we want to tell you that we feel pretty good about things. But we also want to say that polls are still open in lots of places! So if there's anybody you know who might not have voted and there's still time, GTFO and get them there! But we also want you to know that if we win tonight, we're in the win together. If we ... grrrrrrrr ... NON-WIN tonight, then first of all if it's Stacey Abrams in Georgia, we're calling for an investigation. But if things somehow don't break our way (on top of calling for investigations) we are STILL in this together. Because win or lose, our work is not over tonight! But let's hope we win.
DEEP BREATHS.
He's done his job real good.
Georgia Secretary of State Brian Kemp resigned his job Thursday, declaring himself the winner of Georgia's gubernatorial election before all the votes have been counted and before the election has been certified. He's a busy guy, and since he's fairly sure Georgia's election was sufficiently fucked up that Democrat Stacey Abrams won't have a chance at a runoff election, he's skedaddling to start his transition.
Abrams, for her part, isn't conceding a damn thing and is gearing up to sue if necessary, to ensure all outstanding ballots are both accounted for and counted.
It's OK. He likes sleeping on the couch.
Have you HEARD about what a thug moron Trump's new acting attorney general Matthew Whitaker is? This is a dude who appears at least to have been dropped on his head as a child and probably during a few college football games, and that is why Trump LIKES him. (He loves #Dumbs.) Seriously, kids, if you ever talk about this guy without talking about what a fucking dumbass he is, you are doing it wrong.
Seriously, sports fans, you wanna see how stupid this guy is?
Who's possibly dumb enough to turn a minor parking dispute into a congressional investigation? SPOILER, it's Ryan Zinke.
Baller move, Zinke! You're currently under a dozen internal Interior Department investigations, one of which has just been referred to the Justice Department. You know Raúl Grijalva is already gloving up to get all the way up in your business when he takes the gavel at the House Natural Resources Committee in January. And instead of lying low, you call the Park Police on your neighbors, virtually ensuring that you get hauled in front of Congress for another ten hours of testimony to splain how you weren't abusing your office. Galaxy Brain!
Monday night, Ryan Zinke was watching football in his DC townhouse with a bunch of his asshole buddies. Were they Whitefish assholes? Blackwater assholes? Not clear! But they arrived at the party in a Mercedes SUV with New York plates, and the driver proceeded to take up three spots on the crowded street while idling the motor for two straight hours. So, definitely ASSHOLES.
White House now literally distributing fake news. But we still see Trump crapping all over the Mueller investigation.
After yesterday's completely fuckbonkers press conference with Donald Trump, the White House announced it was suspending press credentials for CNN's Jim Acosta. Acosta had angered the Great Man by asking too many questions yesterday, including one where he challenged Trump's characterization of Central American asylum seekers as an "invasion," and, after Trump told him to sit down and shut up, another in which he asked about the pipe bombs sent to CNN, which prompted Trump to say, "When you report fake news, you are the enemy of the people." Not that Trump was condoning violence, because Trump would never do such a thing except when he fantasizes about punching protesters in the face or declares a congressman who body-slammed a reporter for asking a question "my kind of guy."
The Blue Wave is bigger than we thought, y'all.
There are so many House races (and Senate races and gubernatorial races) still uncalled, but it looks like the Blue Wave is getting bigger and wavier! So far the Dems have gained more than enough seats to take the House, and a shitload are still outstanding but many of them look very good for us. Yay!
This tweet from GOP Rep. Karen Handel of Georgia's 6th district is the sweetest thing we have seen in a whole day:
The Mueller killer is IN THE HOUSE.
Okay, NOW WE PANIC. Trump firing Attorney General Jeff Sessions and shoehorning in partisan meathead Matthew Whitaker to murder the Mueller investigation during the lame duck session is DEFCON 1. The White House knows Adam Schiff, Elijah Cummings, and Eric Swalwell are about to investigate the shit out of them, and they're reasonably confident that the Special Counsel has indictments in the works for Don Jr. for lying to Congress and conspiracy to violate campaign finance law, among other things.
Which is why John Kelly called Sessions yesterday morning and told him to get out immediately, refusing even to let the Attorney General finish out the week. If you believe Vanity Fair, the White House expected Junior to be indicted as soon as today, so they needed the Mueller slayer in place to put the kibosh on it ASAP. And this time, they weren't going to take a chance with someone ethical. Enter Matthew Whitaker, a partisan hack who isn't afraid to plunge his hands into a mixture of slime mold and shit, right on up to the shoulders.
The line to dance on Sessions's political grave starts behind the ghost of Coretta Scott King.
Jeff Sessions "resigned" as attorney general Wednesday, and African Americans across the country living, dead, and somewhere in between, are rejoicing. Now, we are sensible people. We understand that Donald Trump whacked Sessions for no honorable reason, almost certainly to obstruct justice in the Russia investigation. We get that the acting attorney general, Matthew Whitaker, literally wrote a cover letter for the job posing as a CNN op-ed stating that Robert Mueller's investigation had "gone too far."
Just listen to us for a moment, white people: We know that Trump is shredding the rule of law and we've just advanced a few rounds in the fascism home game. We're going to be sad later, but just let us be happy right now. And, baby, are we happy.
We'll Always Have the Paris Agreement.
"I don't think we can control what God controls."
Do you know who said that? This pendejo, hijo de puta:
Gun Sense spending way up, NRA spending WAY down.
With all the Trumpfuckery clouding every single aspect of the midterms, it would be easy to overlook any single issue that isn't the suddenly-vanished (maybe, for a day) existential threat posed by some terrifying Central American families fleeing for their lives. But hey, turns out the midterm outcomes showed definite gains for candidates calling for saner gun laws. Maybe the USA won't be turning into a liberty-free hellscape like Australia, which went from 1996 to 2018 without any mass shootings. But there's definitely hope for saner gun policy, starting with Tuesday's election results.
Seems like some sanity might be in order, since we drafted this story yesterday afternoon and now we're all waking up to yet another massacre, this time in Thousand Oaks, California, where Wednesday night a previously responsible gun owner shot and killed 12 people, including a sheriff's sergeant, at a nightclub full of college students. Time for thoughts and prayers and doing nothing more, we guess.
Another mass shooting, the White House revokes Jim Acosta's press pass, and House Republicans start stabbing each other in the face. Your morning news brief.
Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.
Can we stop being sad sacks for a minute, please?
Did you wake up this afternoon in a puddle of your own gin-soaked filth, and very sad about Beto and Andrew Gillum and all the other people you have fallen in mad love with losing their races last night? (Rebecca did, but she woke up at the PROPER MORNING TIME in her own gin filth.) Are you freaking out now that Donald Trump has fired Jeff Sessions and the future of the Russia investigation is in danger? Awwwwwwwww, we are sorry, but STOP THAT, because we need to actually take some time to focus on what a badass night America had last night.
Last night's midterms were disappointing in some ways. We get it! We all really wanted last night to be a 100% repudiation of everything Donald Trump has done to America, and a Beto win or an Andrew Gillum win (we still don't know WTF is going to happen with Stacey Abrams, which is why we're not including her in this list) would have been a massive symbol of that repudiation, one we all really need on a core, gut level. But we didn't get it. (Possibly because they were stolen, because that's always a possibility when competing with the GOP.) Regardless, it's time we take a rest and then get right back into the fight, because those wins are out there for us, in 2020 and 2022 and 2024 and literally every other election for the rest of our lives.
But can we take a moment to recognize the sheer amazingness of all the stuff that happened last night?
This woman is not okay.
Yesterday was one of the most racist election days in memory. Vote suppression tactics fueled by MAGA hate collided with the voting rights of millions of minorities in America. In some cases, we were left screaming at the TV like, "HOW THE FUCK IS THIS EVEN HAPPENING?" Take the case of poll worker Juanita Barnes, who decided it was her God-given right to fuck with black women who were trying to *vote. (*Disclaimer: It's not that fucking with black people who are trying to vote is ANYTHING NEW, it's just that now we all have cell phones, collective political power, and can drag their asses on social media until they beg for mercy.)
Trump wasted no time firing Jeff Sessions. Shit is about to get real.
It's been mere hours since Democrats won control of the House of Representatives, and Donald Trump is in a bad fucking mood. First he gave a whinyass crybaby GRRR ARGH press conference, and now he has followed through on what he's been threatening for months now. He has quit-fired Attorney General Jeff Sessions on Twitter, and announced that he's sticking one of his personal ass-lickers in as acting attorney general.
POORLY. He's handling it POORLY.
RUH ROH. Looks like someone just explained to President Babyshits that he had a really, really bad night last night. Which is probably why he was 25 minutes late for the press conference held downstairs from his bedroom and arrived slurring his words and looking like he slept under a bridge. Then he started talking.
HO. LEE. SHIT.
It started off slow, with the guy whose party took hundreds of millions from Sheldon Adelson, the Koch brothers, and the Mercers -- as well as "in-kind technical assistance" from a foreign power -- shouting about Democrats being bankrolled by "wealthy donors." Then it was on to some made up statistics, his favorite kind.
All of them, Katie.
Now that Democrats have taken over the House of Representatives -- or will, come January -- they'll be able to remind the Trump administration that "oversight" isn't just a noun wedged between "inexcusable" and "by compliant Republicans." That's going to be a bit of a change from the first two years of this "presidency," when House committees mostly did everything they could to help Trump cover up and deflect attention from his shady behavior, not to mention taking a wrecking ball to consumer protections and regulations on industry. Now that there'll be a whole new crop of committee chairs with subpoena power, let's look at the wish list for the top investigations they should get on right away.
Good news from the frontlines!
Election night upsets are what justify getting only five hours sleep because you stayed up watching returns. What happened in Florida, Georgia, and Texas -- while upsetting -- aren't genuine upsets. They are both disappointing and something the "man, this country bites" part of you expected to happen all along. So, let's focus on the fun upsets, where creeps are sent packing and good folks prevail.
Lucy McBath, Georgia's Sixth District
This is the district Tom Price vacated to screw over the nation during a short-lived and shameful tenure as secretary of Health and Human Services. McBath is an electoral Batman -- inspired to run for office after her 17-year-old son, Jordan Davis, was murdered by a gun-toting white asshole in 2012. Davis couldn't vote for his mom but the 15 percent of black folks in the suburban Atlanta district sure as hell did. She will probably defeat the anti-gay by even Anita Bryant standards Karen Handel. I say "probably" because there's likely a recount and the assorted underhanded Georgia shadiness to plow through first, but McBath's kicked breast cancer's ass twice so I think she's got this. For Jordan.
Oh, and I'm officially greenlighting a "Lucy McBath" movie, and I expect a Best Actress nomination -- not Best Supporting, Best Actress -- for the
lead (Zoe Saldana or Kerry Washington), not Emma Stone or Mandy Moore or whoever they cast to play Handel.
