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  1. Pinned Tweet
    Mar 2

    Report: We Don’t Make Any Money If You Don’t Click The Fucking Link

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  2. 15 minutes ago

    Melania’s Heart Sinks After Realizing Husband Uses Pet Name ‘Horseface’ For Every Woman He Fucks

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  3. Retweeted
    Oct 15

    5 Enchanted Animals That Whimsically Dress Me Up Like Snow White Every Fucking Morning Even Though I Work At An Investment Bank And Obviously Can’t Show Up Dressed Like That

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  4. 1 hour ago

    Poll Finds U.S. Global Image Down, Especially Among Allies ?

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  5. 2 hours ago

    Smiley Face Doodled On Check Commemorates Undeniable Chemistry Between Waiter, Ericson Family

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  6. 2 hours ago

    State Election Commission Chases Wild Animals Out Of Voting Booths In Preparation For Upcoming Midterms

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  7. 3 hours ago

    Saudis Admit Journalist Khashoggi Died During Botched Assassination Attempt

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  8. 3 hours ago

    Paul Allen To Leave $10,000 To Everyone Who Shares This Post

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  9. 4 hours ago

    ICE Agent Terrified After Becoming Separated From Team During Immigrant Raid

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  10. 4 hours ago

    University Suspends All Lightweights From Campus Following Fraternity Hazing Death

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  11. 5 hours ago

    Your Horoscopes — Week Of October 16, 2018

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  12. 5 hours ago

    Mother's Little Angel Just Made Fun Of Classmate's Weight For 30 Straight Minutes

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  13. 6 hours ago

    Report: U.S. Still Leads World With Highest Density Of Kevins

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  14. 7 hours ago

    Fun-Loving Turtle All Business When It's Feeding Time

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  15. 8 hours ago

    Today's Weather Report

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  16. 16 hours ago

    Report: Girlfriend’s Parents Could Hear Everything

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  17. Retweeted
    23 hours ago

    Elizabeth Warren Disappointed After DNA Test Shows Zero Trace Of Presidential Material

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  18. 17 hours ago

    Woman Not Going To Let Husband Of 60 Years Drag Her Into Death At Same Time

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  19. 18 hours ago

    National News Highlights

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  20. Retweeted
    Oct 15

    The Power Of Teamwork: This Incredible Group Of 5-Year-Olds Came Together To Kill A Horse

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  21. 19 hours ago

    For more exemplary journalism, visit .

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