An article from Do or Die Issue 10.
In the
paper edition, this article appears on page(s)
154.
Animal Antics
Beating the Bipeds
"Male lions have a special way of urinating, using a powerful, horizontal jet
aimed backwards at some landmark in their territory, so that their personal
scent is deposited on it... the [London Zoo] Lion House keepers told me that one
of the male lions had developed a particularly devastating refinement... of his
urinating technique. When he discovered that the spray created by his jet of
liquid hitting one of the cage bars could reach his adoring public, crowded to
watch him from the other side, he introduced a special multi-squirt to help pass
the boredom of the zoo day. As the front rows of the crowd leapt back screaming
after his first dousing of them, others quickly took their place to see what was
happening. They then took the full brunt of his second squirt, which he had
saved up for them, so that they, too, retreated yelling and cursing. On a good
day, he might even catch a third wave, by carefully staggering his ejection of
pungent liquid. It was just about the only assault device left to the Lord of
the Jungle, in his sadly reduced circumstances, and he made full use of it." - Animal Days, Desmond Morris (Jonathan Cape, 1979), p.118
"Perhaps before offering to help plug the hole in the Hamilton finances, the
10th Earl of Portsmouth should have spent a little time contemplating the fate
of one of his ancestors. The third earl died after a riding accident while fox
hunting in Devon on a Sunday. As his body was being lowered into the grave, the
fox he had not managed to catch was seen a few yards away, sitting and
laughing." - Letter to The Guardian, 27/12/99
"Hunt saboteur Sid Thomas has described how he was injured by a fox he was
trying to save during a protest at a Devon hunt... He said: "I noticed the fox
was in the middle of the pack of hounds. I jumped over a fence and chased the
hounds away and managed to grab the fox. It bit me and almost took the end of my
thumb off. I suppose there is a touch of irony about it." Eventually he had to
let go of the fox... He added: "I had cuts to my face and bruising. But the fox
might have survived." - Torbay Herald-Express, 6/2/01
"The National Institute of Agricultural Biotechnology at Brickley in Somerset
has been quietly testing a GM maize crop called Sheridan. If eventually passed
and placed on the national seed list, Sheridan would be fed to cattle. But has
anyone asked the cows? Somerset's finest are not waiting for a referendum. The
institute has had to write to the Ministry of Agriculture explaining that
certain cattle got into the field and, er, trampled down the crop rendering the
test useless. So did the protesting cows like their new grub? No question about
that. The institute reported that none of the maize was eaten." - The
Guardian, 15/11/00
"Police at Tavistock, Devon, were locked out of their station after a swarm
of bees blocked their front door." - The Observer, 28/5/00
"A new device aimed to help gay people identify each other discreetly has had
a strange effect on animals. The Gaydar, a small electronic gadget which
transmits a signal to other users and vibrates in the wearer's pocket, was
tested out by an engineer in a park in Reigate. But, instead of attracting men,
he found himself being pursued by an amorous badger and getting divebombed by
squirrels." - Bizarre magazine No. 24, September 1999
"On hearing great commotion in the garden, I looked out to see a crow lying,
inert, on the grass, with three in the apple tree making all the racket and two
on the ground, pushing at their stricken comrade. I thought at first they were
attacking it... but soon realised they were putting their beaks under the sick
one, trying to lift it back onto its feet. The bird, though, was dead, so they
soon gave up, flew up to another tree and joined in the chorus. Within seconds,
more crows flew in, then more and more, all perching on branches in a ring
around the dead bird, all staring down at it and cawing loudly. I counted 23
birds - almost four times as many as I had ever seen in our garden at one time.
They kept up the cawing for over a minute, then, a few at a time, flew away." -
Letter to Country Living, May 1999
"The Daya Bay nuclear power plant is facing what may be its biggest safety
threat yet - the notorious chewing ability of termites. After chomping down
boxes of banknotes in an unnamed Shenzhen bank, white ants were on the rampage
through the power plant site, according to a study cited by the Hong Kong China
News Agency. The study, by the Shenzhen White Ant Prevention and Control Centre,
also found that termites had invaded the Shenzhen reservoir - a major source of
drinking water for Hong Kong... Last year, an electronics factory in Shenzhen
had been forced to close for a week after white ants ate parts of the power
cables; and in January, a local hotel was blacked out for half a day after the
live munching-machines wreaked similar havoc." - South China Morning
Post, 10/11/94
"Pet parrots are playing havoc with TV sets - by controlling them with
"silent" squawks. The birds mimic ultra-sonic beeps made by remote control
handsets, which they can hear but humans can't. The "sounds" turn TVs on and
off, and change channels. And owners are fooled into thinking their sets are on
the blink... David Wilcox of the World Parrot Trust at Hale, Cornwall, said:
"Parrots are able to imitate high-pitched sounds inaudible to people. I know one
that imitates a dog whistle that no human could hear. The dog rushes up yapping
to find it's been conned by a parrot." - Daily Mirror, 30/9/91
"Any animal called Joey the Thug must be one to be treated cautiously, and
this Australian boxing kangaroo was no exception. He escaped from his enclosure
at the Adelaide Zoo in November 1938 and kept keepers and the zoo authorities at
bay for a long while. One brave policeman managed to corner Joey the Thug, but
as he approached, mouthing soft words of reassurance, Joey cocked his head to
one side and delivered the fiercest uppercut imaginable. The policeman was
knocked out cold and Joey was still free." - True Animal Tales by Rolf
Harris, Mark Leigh and Mike Lepine (Century, 1996), p.34
"Stockholm, Sweden: A newspaper gave five stock analysts and a chimpanzee the
equivalent of $1250 each to make as much money as they could on the stock
market. The chimp won. After one month, the chimpanzee, Ola, saw the value of
his stocks rise $190, the newspaper Expressen reported yesterday... While the
stock experts carefully considered their portfolios, Ola made his choice by
throwing darts at lists of companies on the Stockholm stock exchange." - New
York Post, 8/9/93
"Motorists who have just recovered from the recent greenfly plague could now
be facing a new hazard - weasels intent on making a meal of car tyres. Swarms of
the small, sharp-toothed rodents have been gnashing away at car tyres and
cutting electric cables in Switzerland, and some scientists believe that the
problem may crop up in Britain. Sex, say the scientists, may be at the root of
it all: "It is possible that one of the smells from hot rubber is like the smell
you get from the female in the mating condition - at least, to a weasel," said
Dr. Donald Jefferies, mammals specialist of the Nature Conservancy Council, in
Huntingdon yesterday... Dr. Jefferies pointed out that surprising things have
often turned out to be true. "Nothing is impossible these days where animals are
concerned," he said." - The Guardian, 1/8/79
With thanks (and deep regrets) to the Duchess. Also, to the miserable sods at
the British Newspaper Library.