WASHINGTON—Following backlash over the agency’s plan to scrap rules ensuring that service providers treat all internet data the same, FCC Chair Ajit Pai unveiled on Monday a premium comment line to fast-track net neutrality complaints, which may be purchased for $49.99 per month. “We hear…
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THE HEAVENS—Saying He wanted to step back to concentrate on improving His command of the weather, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, announced Monday that He was planning to take a few millennia to focus on storms. “I just want to set aside a little time and really dedicate myself to making the…
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CVS Pharmacy has agreed to purchase healthcare giant Aetna for $69 billion, a deal that experts say could transform the healthcare industry by offering inexpensive clinic-based care, but may limit consumer choices. What do you think?
WASHINGTON—Following backlash over the agency’s plan to scrap rules ensuring that service providers treat all internet data the same, FCC Chair Ajit Pai unveiled on Monday a premium comment line to fast-track net neutrality complaints, which may be purchased for $49.99 per month. “We hear everyone’s concerns loud and…
CHICAGO—Startled at how their festering resentment all but vanished, local couple Steve Ewer and Heather Larson, who sources said were on the verge of breaking up Thursday, had a mind-blowing visit to Shedd Aquarium. “It’s seemed for a while now like any day we were going to reach our breaking point, but then we got…
This week marks 25 years since Prince Charles and Princess Diana announced their separation, but the royal family has been plagued by scandal for centuries. Here is a timeline of the biggest royal scandals throughout history.
FAYETTEVILLE, AR—Claiming that his participation in the sport steered him away from the poor choices he had been making as a child, local junior college linebacker Steven Colner, who will be left paralyzed by the sport in a year, told reporters Thursday that football “saved [his] life.” “Football made me the person I…
SEARCY, AK—Saying they could just tell he’d be up to the task when he was ready, sources told reporters Monday that their friend Gary Katsopolis, who currently has three children, was going to make a great father someday. “Even though he may not be right for it this second, Gary’s got so many great qualities that, in…
Tsukiji Fishroom, a sushi restaurant now open at Newark International Airport’s Terminal C, has been earning near-universal rave reviews, which critics attribute to the high-quality fish it flies in every day direct from Japan’s most famous fish market. What do you think?
THE HEAVENS—Saying He wanted to step back to concentrate on improving His command of the weather, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, announced Monday that He was planning to take a few millennia to focus on storms. “I just want to set aside a little time and really dedicate myself to making the best storms I can,”…
SUN PRAIRIE, WI—Folding the board to funnel a jumbled mess of cards and pieces into the game box, negligent oaf Patrick Flavell reportedly packed away a Monopoly set on Thursday without so much as a thought for future players. “Man, I can’t remember the last time I sat down and played this,” said the mindless slob as…
WASHINGTON—Saying that its presence had been a valuable source of comfort at a difficult time, President Trump reportedly told the White House cockroach infestation on Friday that it alone truly understood him. “Things are so tough right now, and it’s nice to know someone out there has so much in common with me,…
After being challenged to build it within 100 days by the local government, Elon Musk announced Monday that Tesla has constructed the world’s largest lithium ion battery in South Australia, a move officials hope will help with frequent power outages and energy shortages. What do you think?
