This was published 6 years ago
In 24 hours we'll know the result of the Vote That Wasn't Even
By John Birmingham
Jeez. Who would've imagined that a process as cruel, pointless and asinine as the same-sex marriage survey would end in a meth-powered goat orgy of cruelty and pointless assiness?
Narrator's voice: Everyone.
A message in support of a Yes vote in the marriage equality postal survey seen on a mailbox.Credit: Joel Carrett
Hundreds of thousands of our friends and family members, our neighbours, our colleagues, our fellow citizens, will spend the next 24 hours keeping anxiety and even a little fear off their faces and out of their eyes while we wait on the result of this non-compulsory non-binding "survey" of our opinion about their human rights.
Befitting an exercise which was always more about the arcane fratricidal hatreds of the Liberal Party - and assuming a YES vote - the next couple of weeks will be all about the arcane fratricidal hatreds of the Liberal Party.
It's already started, with the presumed losers of the Vote That Wasn't Even manoeuvring to assert that because they lost they should get all the things. But especially their most precious thing; the legal enshrined right to keep on hatin'.
A fresh turd in the hot tub, the "alternative" marriage legislation stirred into the bubbly waters of our democratic spa bath by Victorian Liberal senator and magical talking toilet brush James Paterson, will almost certainly disappear.
But not before it floats there for a few days, making everyone feel uncomfortable and desperately wanting a second shower.
As the wicked Mr Denmore commented upon the Twitters in regards to Paterson's new-found concern for social engineering in the education system, "I don't recall the spotty libertarians of the IPA standing up for public school children whose education was disrupted by 'scripture' classes."
Indeed.
Framing any legislation in terms of just how much hatred you're going to let slide would hand an unexpected and unearned victory to the liars and fantasists of the NO campaign.
That would be a hell of a thing, if it turned out they got their arses beat like a toy drum in the final tally.
But of course we went through this whole rotten campaign because Malcolm Turnbull was too weak to stand up to the bigoted weirdos in the disintegrating garbage barge of the Liberal Party.
There is zero chance he'll stand up to them now.
Even with a clear majority of the electorate behind him.