I got a wolf's mouth
And it suits me
I chew the sides out
With my sharp teeth
I cut my tongue up
I make my gums bleed
I scare the people
That pay to see me
When I sing
And I see white steam
Above your blue face
It makes my hands hot
It makes my lips bake
And the sweat just makes my shirt stick
To that scratch across my ribs
That space where you fell from
And I haven't sewn up since
I'm trailing off again
And the strain just makes my face tic
And it messes with my head
That space you tore open
I go to the places where you are
I find you hanging out
I paste my eyes wide open
And I turn everything inside out
I am turning into everything I hate
And you are graceful and absolutely fake
I am fake
I hear you laughing, am I proud of you
And I am turning into everything I hate
And you are graceful and absolutely fake
I hope you're proud
I'm not changing
I hope you're proud
I'm not changing
And I'm trying to be quite
I'm trying to be quite
We're a nation full of dumbbells
Pulling nightshifts at the gym
We're a nation full of bookworm girls
Dumbing down to fall in love with them
We're a nation full of suspects
Whistling Dixie at the scene
We're a nation full of bad detectives
Selling clues to everyone we meet
We're a nation full of envy
Insecure and losing sleep
We're a nation full of jealous boyfriends
Driven by facts and history
We're a nation full of ivy
It's wall-to-wall-to-wall, all green
We're a nation full of sound byte blood cells
Bound in knots and swelling down the stream
We wrap bibles up in blankets
Just in case we're watched in sleep
But it's the slingshots underneath our pillows
That keep us calm and rested and relieved
'Cause we're a nation built on eggshells
Bandages and appleseeds
Attractive homes and top bruised foundations
That come apart gradually
she's crossing out the details.
dusting off the picture frames, it's saturday.
she's been waiting for the phone to ring.
she's been waiting all night.
but it doesn't matter who's on the line
as long as the voice works.
but you're too scared of what you might say.
so you think it out on paper, hypothetical and safer.
while she's thumbing through her catalogues,
picking birthday cards, her favourite stars.
i guess she's lonelier than you.
and if this box is empty.
go out and find another one.
with a prettier design.
and greater depth inside.
and a lid to keep it all from spilling out.
and you can fill it up with letters.
back when things were better.
and both of you had blinders on
and story books together.
and you pretend it outweighs all the bad things.
and now she disconnects her phone, after the second ring.
and all the drama you can swallow.
never check your ego.
i guess no one's lonelier than you.
and if this box is empty.
what if this box is empty.
what if if this box is empty.
i'm running out of things to say to you
this always takes so long is what you said
before you said so long
this kind of wordplay gets you ostrasized
but if you operate inside these perfect lines
you'll be fine
i'm running out faster than i ever had before
i'm seeing double and everywhere i turn my head things look like you again
so get your notebook out and write your story now
write your story now
your bearings are shot
and your car'd only work like she used to
your friends don't call and they don't even bother
with offering excuses
the tv is on but its always on so its useless
its just the awful news and the sorry truth
tho we're definetely sinking
so I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you
you'll just hurt your chest and your face will turn bright blue
this is how its gonna be
this is how its gonna be
this is how it will be and theres nothing that we can do
and if you start believing then i'll stop holding my breath too
you've been praying for change but you aint been to church since the 10th grade
and you cry at your job don't believe in your voting
never celebrate your birthday
so you set up for dinner to make you feel less desperate and worthless
but your dad gets drunk so your mom throws a fit
while your man hits on the waitress
so I wouldn't waste my time if I were you
you'll just snap your spot and strip away your youth
this is how its gonna be
this is how its gonna be
this is how this will be and theres nothing we can do
if you start believing then i'll stop wasting my time too
I stopped today to see myself in subway glass
and I was scared of the way I look now
I knew the only thought behind my eyes
please don't believe in me
I don't want to let you down
and I'm convinced it only rains in New York
and I am surrounded by everything that really scares me
a room full of empty people regretting every time that they inhale
and I want to write one perfect song
to make you cry in your sleep
kind of like a soundtrack for your dreams
to let you'ld know I'm watching and making sure it's (exact) alright
it'll be alright
I guess I wanted to make you feel something
I wanted to make you feel everything
and you may call me a protest singer
but I'm only protesting myself
I don't believe in beautiful people
and I don't believe in me
I wonder what it's like to be in between
can you hear me
can you hear me
you may call me a protest singer
can you hear me
but I'm only protesting myself
and you may call me a protest singer
So what if it's freezing, I'm awake and I'm happy
The sun's steepling its shards on my floor
I drag my feet to the shower and I hear someone singing
I keep the lights off a while and the water gets warm
Now I knot up my tie and toss books in a schoolbag
They keep my priorities straight
So I can sleepwalk through work like an outpatient program
I don't buy but get through anyway
And at some point I'll call you and tell you I miss you
And you are the point of my day
And my face will get flushed and my throat will choke up
When you tell me that you feel the same
So I have been thinking of splitting up Christmas
To see everyone I'd like to see
And you're first on that list
You're the lotto I hit
You're the star at the top of the tree
And I have been feeling this good for a reason
My friends and my family
You all are my backbone
You keep me balanced and settled
And I'm in debt to you all endlessly
So tonight I will call you and try to say
"Thank you for being the sun on my face
I know the world's almost over but you make it seem better
You were always cute
But Goddamn you got hot
Hot enough to streak the streets white with
Sunspots when you walk
And I'm still obsessed with cowboys and Indians
And you biting your lip when you
Lose your breath
I'm not over you yet
I know I will not call
It's this decision I've made
So I'm up all night chanting, "Vow I can't break!"
I might bite my nails so I can't scratch my face
But I'd still cut my hair if you asked the right way
I'd at least comb it anyway
You're still on my towels
In my eyerolls and scowls
And I know what I did, and why
But that don't mean I can't regret it
When I'm watching my TV all night
Im not over you yet
I think I thought so much about losing you
That I never really had you
You spend so much time
You spend so much time
When you think you've got all the time in the world
And I turned you into
A conversation piece
And the things you take for granted
Turn out to be the things that you need
I'm timing my breathe against the back beat of your footsteps
As we walk along cobble stone streets
Arms at are sides to live with
Eyes on the ground
Counting down to when we can talk out loud
Move on
Steady now
Move on
Move on
Move on
You're letting a good one go
You're letting a good one go
You're letting a good one go
sleep peacefully.
like the way you look this morning.
with faith in your eyes.
and me in your hands.
a whispered promise in your heart.
lullaby for a snow-faced girl.
is what i'll sing.
watching you, the whole time.
it's three-o-five on monday morning.
or is it night?
i don't know.
is it night?
i don't know.
but we'll be fine.
we'll be fine.
we'll be fine.
we'll be fine.
You carry the beach in your way-too-short hair
That you shaved off last week cause you freaked and got scared
That when it's longer, you remind me of her
So you offered it up with what passed for authority
Some strict sort of challenge you directed straight at me
You said, "Forget her, I don't care what you two were"
But it's a trick on your ego
A two-step off tempo
A solid gold bracelet
Under lights, in a window
In some shopping mall where I never go
You play coy and count tiles, drag your toes through the water
Raise your eyes, bite your lip, and my mind's in the gutter
You move at me and take my face in your hands
I feel light bulbs explode in a fire-cracked thunder
Sense the slow seismic shift of the sprawling cloud cover
But when we're finished I feel awful again
So it's the same sorry story
Just the cast changes nightly
And it skips like a record but it glows like a movie
Or the country sky that I never see
The shake in your voice makes me feel empty and ugly
All scattered anger like a windstorm, howling violently
And I wanna fade out and wake up somewhere else
Where no face is familiar and I'm left by myself
To keep plugging away on my own wasted time
To eat badly and spend all my money and write
To not feel too guilty to be tired at night
Since I'm not fixing things here, I'll leave them behind
So you make your decision
I'm through making mine
Now I walk where the street swallows light like it's water
I see the slant of your smirk on every kid at the corner
But if you called, I'd never know what to say
So I just hope you never will
The longer that I'm out here the better you sound
You're scrunching up your face in this picture I found
And I'm chasing after you, steadily losing ground
I don't wanna forget so I'm writing it down
Have you ever? No, never never?
I find that hard to believe
So let's burn the furniture
To see how angry a fire could make me
Now you say that there's someone that you need to reconnect with
Some scarecrow from high school that you loved but never slept with
A baby with a pipe dream playing hopscotch on your bandages
And I'm singing all his songs while I sleep on your couch
I'm coughing up a lung but I'm covering my mouth
And I paint you on the wall
Yellow, red, green and brown
I miss you all the time but I'm blocking it out
Are you better? No, never never?
What does that say about me?
Now let's break the smoke alarm
To see how scared locked windows'll make me
So you say there's a stranger staring sideways in a deep freeze
A loner draped in ivy playing slumlord in his city dream
A faker with an art form pulling magic tricks on the weak girls up his sleeve
And I'm choking right along with the words in my throat
I'm falling back in love with the letter you wrote
And I think that I was wrong, but I guess I don't know
Marie, you got me thinkin'
Long term and being careful with my drinkin'
And looking forward to my holidays and weekends
Marie, I love the way you got me thinkin'
But Marie, I'm always workin'
Long drives, bad food, stale air, and such boredom
When I get home, we'll take a trip of just sit and do nothing
Rent a movie or something
Whatever gets your blood pumpin'
My Marie
You're all the pretty music that I need
I'd give myself a hand if I were you
The right words are never ones I say
Songs like these
They carry little weight now
Cause they're about honesty
They're about sincerity
And I gave you neither
And I took everything
For me
And I have broken your heart
For the first and only time
One day I'll feel this way too
On the receiving end
Of heavy handed logic
And I'm not real anymore
I'm like a story
Passed down by kids who can't find a party
Not getting out of bed today
Just lay here uninspired
Feeling bad that I threw you away
I'm a shadow that whispers
Stupid songs about his heart
I'm sorry for letting you down
I'm sorry for everything about me that hurts you
Think about what you said on the phone
If I die alone it's my own fault
I'm a shadow that whispers
Stupid songs about his heart
I'm sorry
Your husband,
He drinks like a writer,
But he writes like a banker,
I hope his pens all run dry.
You watch him from your cave in the corner,
Full moon eyes flame and flicker,
The wild way that I like.
From my part,
I pretend I don't notice
Dumb friend you're a poet,
And I could do this all night.
And I'll stay like that,
Hands locked in my lap,
What I want jailed up in my mind,
Until I slide to sleep
Where you're waitin' for me,
And we do what we want to,
And shut ourselves off for the night.
Til morning barrels in like a brides maid,
Drunk and desperate for her day,
Drags me out, picks a fight.
And I see I'm alone here
Picture frames and a hot plate
Stubborn sun spites the hallways
Paint chips blink yellow white.
And I'm stretching, in the act of forgetting,
Bear teeth and blood letting,
Signals crossed half my life.
And the local grown
Sees your notes towards my home,
Dreaming fits as we crawl underground,
And you're shedding skin,
So I keep what I can.
Yeah I fill up my pockets,
And stuff all that's left in my mouth.
Now you are a part of me,
For as long as I sleep.
I could trick myself into a trance,
Where were as firm as facts,
And I don't give you back
The sputter and blink, a streetlamp
Makes you taller then shrinks you then splits you in half
So you're trailing yourself
On the walk to the pay phone
Your pocket's weighted down with quarters
in the hope that no ones home
You spray paint cinnamon on vines
And key the cars you pass by
Your ears burn and your voice don't sound right
So you spend the next week playing weekend
Rollin' three men alone in the dark in your kitchen
Your apartment can't talk, so it's safe for your secrets
All the stories you've invested with a masochist menacing meaning
Those tired tricks that you play
To graft a life to your name
And you know It's not yours but for now it's okay
You wake and cut your initials in cheap glass
To mark a space for yourself when you're time here is passed
And you're drifted and done, trading danger for distance
And all those rocks that rope your neck
are finally nameless and weightless and faceless
And you'll strip the sting from those stains
That bleed the life from your face
Tonight I'm posed and popping like a peacock
I'm pressing flesh, I'm smiling big, my spinning head sings "Stop, just stop"
Cause what used to calm me down
Just rips my life to ribbons now
So I keep smiling, I find my window and quick cut out
These days my hangman's hunger makes my gut kick
My sleeping mind, could map it blind
A flask, a key, a bag, a fifth
I try to will myself away
While shouting habits plead their case
So when the sun sears through my eyes
My beggar's brain can't compromise
I splash cold water, I draw the curtains, I stay inside
And I can't say that it's a sickness, more like a stranger I ask in
And later realize, was a strangler
Slipping nooses in my den
But I was lonely so I asked him, "Would you tie that one on me?"
It wasn't his fault, I was eager, and I was weak
So as I inch towards resolution
Yea I'm not sure which life feels right
A narrow noose or the wading water
The hanging head, sore open eyes
My brother Michael he went one way
And at the fork I heard him say
"Don't you follow, don't go making my mistakes"
And I realized what he meant
Don't kill yourself to raise the dead
It's going straight to my head
I think I'm falling in love again
Some simple miracles have happend
Since your steady hands have come
And stopped my unraveling
Your fingers built for the piano
Work out the knots that line my back
The stress I've stored since last December
But now it doesn't matter
I've learned to leave it in my past
I feel good about the future
This clarity I've never had
You are the bounce in my step
The burst of blood in my chest
The prayer I've kept in my head
You are the knock in my knees
The slow sound of each song
I scribble down and tear up
Because they never match up
You are the words I fumble
And in the morning you are the daybreak
And I am glad
And at night you are the dream
You're hot fog
I can feel you and you're not far off
I can taste you and you're what I want
But I can't know you even when you're in my arms.
You're burnt sky
A fever moon that makes the sun jealous at night
Your lava lips pour forth and branding iron eyes
Fix them unto me and bring me back to life.
You're quick sand
I work and fight but just sink deeper in the end
And every morning say I won't get stuck again
But by nightfall baby here I always am.
I tie myself in knots
You come and shake me loose
I'm bound up in you
We push til you're through
Lit up with proof.
I bite your belly soft
You make maps on my back
You blockade the door
I sink to your floor
Get ready for war.
You're hot fog
The bad decision that I lie here waiting on
Staring down your next mistake can take so long
When I hear your foot steps babe, I don't care that it's wrong
No, I don't care that it's wrong
You drag your tiger's paw across
Your chapped & cracking lips,
And open up a crimson slur
You spread each time you kiss.
The broken boy you bargain with
To turn back to the man
That you fell in love with once
But never saw again.
Is he in there? do you think he drowned to death?
Well it's his decision to show his face again.
You grind your tired teeth
& curse the day that you were born
To a sunken line of Irish wives a million miles long,
Devoted to the suffering they're certain they deserve.
A husband's a cross to bear,
Worry lines & a silver string of hair
Come too early, come to steal your sainted youth...
Well it's your decision to stay or else to move.
& I'm not a man of faith, no gospel oak for me,
But you wear a crucifix to broadcast your beliefs,
And the god I've read about can't go where he's not asked to go.
So you've got a choice to make:
Shut him out, save yourself, or sit and wait.
But you're waiting on a man who will not move.
So you must move for him and do what he can't do.
Cause it's worth it, that's the one life you can change,
And I'm sorry sister, but it has to end this way.
Yeah, it's scary sister, but tomorrow's just too late.
So stand up sister,
We're goin' out tonight my son,
So bring your flask,
And bring your cross,
And bring your gun
And I've been borrowin' lots of cash
So you won't be needin' none
Just wear your good shoes
'Cause we're goin' out my son
And I got a car loaded up with gas
And parked right outside
I got a city map and a mission in my mind
I just need someone ridin' with me
Or a brother to my right
To keep me company
In that big ol' car outside
'Cause I don't wanna think about the world right now
I wanna go from bar-to-bar and wash the taste clean out
And I wanna feel the way I felt
When we were kids messin' around
Before I thought about the world I got to now
But don't go feelin' all stuck
And shamed for yr damned ol' dad
'Cause I've seen troubles
That could kill ten stronger men
It's just that all this weight from la-la-livin's
Been catchin' fire in my hands
Well, fuck this town son,
I wanna make 'em crawl again
And you tell your lady
Not to leave on that light
You tell her not to sit up
Worryin' all goddamn night
But if she's awake when you crawl home
You just shut your mouth and smile nice
You say ''Baby, I'm tired.
Can we please turn off those lights?''
You say ''Baby, I'm tired.
Trouble tracks me down
It's been draggin me around
Since my feet first touched the ground
And I'm kickin like a kid
Cause I can't get rid of it
And it's never going nowhere now
I duck-dodge to my left
I slide-step to my right
But it nails me every time
And I'm finished throwin fits
Yea, I've learned to live with it
Marching steady, straight, and by my side
And trouble makes no seam
Just sweeps in surgical and clean
Leaves me begging on my hands and knees
And she's always on the clock
But she doesn't only watch
Cause she wrecks me straight into my sleep
When I drift into a dream
And I'm sailing on some sea
Shootin' whiskey with my Irish bride
Til Amy Goodman wakes me up
I'm alone in Brooklyn broke as fuck
Splitting headache and some bloodshot eyes
And I've known trouble all my life
And I'm sick of asking why
It's like screaming at a set of dice
They're gonna roll the way they roll
And man you're never gonna know
So gettin' crazy's just a waste of time
I just see trouble track me down
It keeps pushin' me around
Til I'm deep inside the ground
And then I'll smile in sleep
Cause in that box I'm finally free
And ain't no trouble gonna find me now
No oh oh, ain't no trouble gonna find me now
I cry at her bowl, dog's dying day
A bone in her bowl, a watery grave
See, I am a sailor, but I'm not so great
I keep fishin' for roadkill, passin' out on the waves
Shimmering sea, stretched end to end
Shivering bowl, a flickering friend
See, that's Mr. Murphy, my leathery brave
He's whimpering "Taps" now, for his plank-walk grade
I've never been a joiner, no, I've quit every team I've been on
Now I'm crying in my coffee, that's not sea salt in my eyes
Cause me and Murphy, we have been through it, and I hate watching him die
(Whistling)
So I wait for my wisdom, like I wait for my wife
Like I wait for a story, helps me wait out the night
Like when I was an archer, but I couldn't shoot straight
I broke all of ma's windows, I poked holes through her drapes
And I laugh to myself, but I can't tell you why
The hung-over sun, sneaks back in the sky
But Murphy went peaceful, he went decent and right
At least better than I will, when it's my turn to die
And I wear his collar on my wrist
And I bury him down at the beach
No crying, no coffin, just a body and a hole
No praying, no singing, no saving any souls
The only thing I'm saving, yeah
Me and my friends, we don't encourage discipline
Or really much of anything
We do our drugs to wheel it up and tell ourselves that this is love
But it's never added up
And it'll never be enough, no it'll never be enough
The same corner booth
The same Smith Street bar
The same sour mouths
The same empty arms
Forever and ever, our lives on a loop
It's the same dollar drafts
The same whiskey words
The same hanging hearts
The same old scorched earth
Further and further, away from the truth
I wanna stop it
I wanna stop it
I wanna stop it
But it's the only life I know how to live
Make a mess of what matters, give our good grace away
We try to drink the clock backwards, and pretend like nothing's changed
But you think I'm a liar and you think I'm a fake
And I think you're a coward, but that's not what I say
I call you my brother
And you call me the same
I wanna stop it
I wanna stop it
I wanna stop it
But it's the only life I know how to live
I wanna stop it
I wanna stop it
I wanna stop it
Let the smeared words spill out of the sides of our mouths
Go be my ghost and I'll go be yours
But tonight, brother pour me one more
But tonight, brother pour me one more
Yea tonight, I'll just cut you one more
Yea tonight, I'll just cut you one more
I saw your freckles on the shoulders of a stranger today
And my heart leapt, and my heart leapt
I saw the sickle of a dimple slash the side of her face
And my heart leapt, my heart leapt
And then she faced me while we wrestled for our place on the train
Her kooky make up of a brat(?) and I kept out of her way
You're not that actress playing dress-up on the subway today
So my heart keeps leapin' on
I tried to catch you on a couplet on my four-track today
But my tongue tied, my tongue tied
Couldn't figure how to fit you on the spin of a tape
So my tongue tied, my tongue tied
The words seemed small and insignificant, confused and cliche
You saw my promise and potential, through my guilt and my shame
I couldn't catch that in a couplet on my best goddamn day
My tied tongue tumbles on
I'm shakin. shiver.
And laugh like cursing kids
And all our fitful failures
For every time we kiss
So cross your fingers, place your bets and hold that glow in your face
Let my big mouth, ramble on
I'm shakin. shiver.
And laugh like cursing kids
And all our fitful failures
For every time we kiss
So cross your fingers, place your bets and hold that glow in your face
Less yesterday and more today
I gotta get my head on straight
The tree trunks rot and people get caught
Buying bullshit we don't need or want
Well full forests turn to desert's hot dried dirt
The animals dig ditches, they hide and watch our backs get burned
And less yesterday, and more today
Yea I gotta start livin' that way
And less yesterday, and more today
Yea I gotta get my head on straight
The ground shrinks fast and the spot-lit strips of houses
They look like christmas lights she'd hang in her apartment
So I turn my head, I try to watch the screen instead
But my eyes go fuzzy and start painting shapes all over the movie I'm watching
And they mix and match my present with my past
But the colors are crisp and I press to hard so ink soaks straight through the back
And less yesterday, and more today
Yea I gotta start to live, to live that way
So less yesterday, and more today
Yea I gotta get my head on straight
Cause I keep ending up exactly where I start
A roller rink I stumble through waiting for the songs to stop
And I used to drown it out with empty space I found
But I turned my back and my life got too crowded so it's really hard to do that now
And less yesterday, and more today
Yea I gotta start livin that way
And less yesterday, and more today
You wrestle yourself to the ground
You springboard and kick yourself in the mouth
Cause all of that drama, that embarrassed charade
Couldn't stop you or settle you down
So you got back with your black hole
And you don't care who's out there or who knows
Cause you're spent and you're sad
Cause you've bronzed it, it's your badge
And you've fixed it to all your clothes
Every t-shirt and overcoat
So it's with you through hot or cold
But I would tear it from the cloth
Yeah, I would tear it from the cloth
Grow up and knock it off
Cause there's a world awake outside
With injustice and music and july, july
With history's arc,
With your family,
With art.
But it don't mean nothing
Not to you, not tonight
You can't see past the length of your nose
The biggest problems, well you're sure they're your own
That girl you cut loose
Those two friends that cursed you
And all that powder that you can't leave alone
And you say, you know, you know, you know
But I know that you don't, you don't, you don't
Cause if you did, you'd really try
If you did, you'd really try to let all that die
So marry yourself to your work
And crowd your confusion with words
Then round out your life with some records you like
While you bury your love in the dirt
Cause it's endless, the ditch you can dig
You're stubborn, and you're prideful, and you're all over it
So I suggest you make sense of the time you've got left
So you don't end up back where you've been
And you say you won't, you won't, you won't
And I hope that you don't, you don't, you don't
But if you mean it, then stand up and fight
But if you mean it, then stand up and fight
Cause I mean, it's only your life
I mean it's only your life
To fix or ruin
To figure what to do with
It's only your life
To fix or ruin
Cause no one else is going to do it
One, two, three, four, one
I could be with anyone
Just while the honeymoon burns bright
No electricity that keeps things light
I'm not saying that it's right
I'm not saying that it's always right
I'm just saying that it's not a lie.
'Cause I can talk to anyone
Care just enough about our wounded pride
A ballerina dreams a lead foot life
A sugar daddy and his clueless wife
And I know that it's not right
I just don't always know how or why
So I can stick to anyone
At least for a little while
A caffeinated stream of cartoon smiles
And conversations sharp and deep
A tempting sample of who I could be
Without the broken glasses waiting underneath
So I'd walk soft if I were you
You could cut up your feet
For now it's just what I am
But it's not what I'll be, oh hopefully.
See I'm in love with everyone
Every sweetheart on the scene
Each set of cheekbones that'll flare past me
I'm not saying that it's right
And I'm not saying it's a life
I'm just saying it's where I'm at tonight.
A reporter in a jailroom, whispering her source to a dying bulb
While the prince is in a fable, peaceful in his cradle, convinced of the impossible:
All those wicked words I used to build my wild Western truth!
I was just following the rules. Yeah, I did what I had to do.
So now its later than it needs to be
And in the dulcet tones of dream
The prince atop his chariot,
Heaven bound & glory be.
A mother in a market chases after children that she barely knows
While the father on the barstool, dropped off by his carpool, is playing a familiar role:
I used to be a conquering king. I watched the slow stars shoot & swing.
When I'd wake, the world would sing. Now, I can't hear anything.
So now its later than it needs to be
And while his stranger family sleeps
The king looks for his castle,
Heaven bound & glory be.
There's a myth we must've made
One we're spreading every day
In every dying dream we grieve
The humming hole we fight & feed
It's the loving lives we long for
Heaven bound & glory be
A man in a hotel room, tangled to his teeth by the telephone
He's waiting on a woman, wondering what she's doing,
And pacing so his pulse won't slow.
He drums his legs and pulls his hair; he carves her dimples in the air.
The raging world has spooked him scared, and he don't want her lost out there.
So now it's later than it needs to be
And though his aching eyes want sleep
Against all rationality
Against everything he believes
He prays for her protection,
Heaven bound & glory be.
I pray for your protection,
In the hand of God there's a cattle prod
That keeps shocking us along
'Til we're flung from roofs without parachutes
To fill the patches on his lawn
There's an iron gate where patrolmen wait
To keep the chosen people safe
From the infidels and their terror cells
Rebels blessed with God's good grace
There's a shining half jewel that's shattered glass
Hemmed in with barbed wire
You can skin your feet but you can't climb free
Oh hallelujah, hot and hard
All your fox-hole prayers full of fear you share
With a bored and distant son
While you held your will, killing time until
Answers came from anyone
You curse their Lord for all he ignored
In his flawed and vengeful plan
Cut yourself some slack against a deck so stacked
I mean come on now, you're just one man
Maybe after all when your conscience calls
You might threw the missing link
And all that white hot air you sprayed around out there
Might have led to more than you think
So when you breathe, breathe deep, breathe in greedily
Like you might never breathe again
Tell yourself the truth so all that work you do
The bricks get laid and they get torn up
And laid again but the bricks always get torn up again
Your friends won't wait so don't believe that shit
When they say they'll wait
Trust me, your friends will not wait for you
Then you'll be stoned in some park
Just nodding your head and pinching your arms
When a girl walks along
She's humming your song with your T-shirt on
That's when you're done, oh, that's when you're don
There's a cotton crush down in the southern states
But back up here, man, we've got so much thread and space
To waste, waste, waste
There's a microphone picking every word up
And it shuts itself off when it's sure that's its heard enough
The quiet can scrape all the calm from your bones
But maybe it should, maybe we need to be hollowed
To get up and grow and stop fucking around
To kick off our braces and start straightening out
Let's sift through the static to find a simpler sound
Let's sift through the static to find a simpler sound
I quit the carnival and moved next door
Thought I'd had enough but I wanted more
So now I'm sneaking out at night
I clean my face and shine my shoes
And go where I'm not supposed to
See I tamed a lion once I stole his roar
Stripped his pride away but he found more
So now he's out to take what's his and shove
My future in my face and scare me back in my place
So soon so soon you've got it beat 'til it eats you
See I left my flaming sword beside your bed
I woke to find it pressed against my neck
You wept suggestion never works
So now I'm trying something else
I shut my eyes hold on... oh well
And I felt a feather fall a tree trunk split
Inside my lying mouth played violin
He said you should give up your voice
Before we both end up destroyed
I quit alright he purred good boy
You'll fall for anything when you're caught
You'll believe anyone and
I said that's not exactly true
Only you, you do what you do
You awake in the hospital in a thrift store suit
You hear your lover's voice from the waiting room
You shut your eyes and pray for peace
Think I'm not here this isn't me
This isn't something I would do
I know the complicated truth
A big top tent a firey sword
I make a mask of lions roar
But they're not real and never were
And soon she won't be real either
This is the life you went and earned
Because you never fucking learn
You could use up all of your years
Fixing the mess you make in here
So as her nervous dress draws closer
Dress heels click off their approach
You clutch your chest and whisper
"oh no, what will I do? what will I do?
My brother's blood boils in my arms
It balls my fingers into fists
It bubbles blisters burns my palms
It floods with fury, fights, and fits
It's got the good guy in me hiding
It kicks my humble heart around
It's got me fiendin' for the fire that could finish off this town
O it's got me good
It's my brother's blood on a cherry tree
It stains the bark from branch to root
It puddles thick with pits and leaves
It strains the sweetness from the fruit
It's got me looking for communion
A hiding spot off underground
An open plot I could climb into
A lighting promise in my mouth
A blackout oath I swore and meant, but couldn't conjure up again
I don't know one thing about my brothers blood
No, I don't know one thing about my brothers blood
It's my brother's blood
In my dirty lungs
On my crooked mouth
On my swollen tongue
On my fathers gun
On each strangers face
Across the bluebird sky
On every hand I shake
Night after night
On each chuckled prayer
Such sweet relief
A fistful of hair
And each desperate try for elusive peace
And every endless night
And each wasted week
All that dialogue doubling back on me
All that tangled talk
All my growing needs
It my brothers back
It's my fathers arms
It's every twisted fact in my sorry heart
My sorry heart my sorry heart
Spit and scream what's done is done
Go make your peace with everyone
It's a brushfire spreading, feeding as it moves
It's a disappeared glacier; it's the airborne flu
It's your disbelieving eyes logging concrete miles
It's your yawning conscience and your lawyer's smile
It's an occupied country foaming at the mouth
No smoking gun, no mushroom cloud
It's a military mother with a boy in hell
And it's a flag-draped casket down an oil well
It's an Argentine school-girl gagged and bound
It's a torture camp; it's a long way down
It's the constant bracing shock of now
And it's the whole damn world turned inside out, alright
It's a march to extinction with your god in step
It's his name in your mouth; it's his cross on your neck
It's a farm boy sprinting over desert dirt
And he's panting the 'Our Father' in staccato spurts
Now that's his automatic rifle and it tells no lies
It's his truth in your stomach, it's no alibi
But the trouble lies on the other side
With an equal truth prepping for his holy night
He sees the crescent and the star blink in the virgin sky
And hears the call of milk and honey from the afterlife
And as he eases to the checkpoint, he is calm and sure
It's collateral damage; it's the cost of war
It's another bag of bones for the Gods to sort
It's just another bag of bones for the Gods to sort
Well it's a species disappearing, all the birds fly south
In a January heatwave, in a pulsing crowd
It's an African Militia, kids with sub-machines
It's a conflict diamond on your bride-to-be
It's the dispossessed lining up at every gate
It's the facts worth facing, faced way too late
It's the mission of modernity, go get what's yours
Til there's nothing leftover to go get no more
And it's not what we're owed, but it's what we've earned
And it's closer than we realise, and it's time now to burn
And oh it's time now to burn
And oh it's time now to burn
This is the window where
I watched the future start
My pupils dilated
The shock sped up my arms
I shut my ambushed eyes
And turned my face towards the heat
I felt the city choke
I heard the world at war
I prayed for providence
God said, don't pray no more
You went and made your mess
Now keep your blame off my feet
So I got off my knees
I faced the devil's day
The sky was murder red
The streets were headstone gray
A flaming ferris wheel
Spun where the sun used to be
I watched it's buckets dip and dance
I saw a couple making love lock hands
They were pushing for abandon and the answers it could bring
90 million miles from the graveyard growing over everything
I saw my lover chased
Through fields of sugarcane
She clutched her belly close
And whispered, "keep us safe"
They ground her down to dust
No more miracles today
I dreamt myself awake
In a resort hotel
Above a golden coast
Beside my Southern belle
We heard the sea reborn
In each singing shell
And every coughing car
And every coiled snake
And every shrieking star
And every burning stake
Dissolved to atmosphere
All of everything, erased
I spread into a distant hum
I droned along with everyone
And the earth grew green and nursed herself to what she used to be
All our senseless shouting calmed to quiet in her ancient memory
And oh, what a joy,
The afterparty's rockin', girl,
and everybody's dancing for you,
but you're just drinking all my Ballantine
and laughing while your lips turn blue.
Your friends are all uptight
and everybody's in an awkward mood,
so you keep drinking all my Ballantine
and laughing while your lips turn blue.
I'm not really planning on coming back
I thought I told you that.
I guess I dreamt I told you that.
The streets are slow and silent
and the backyard is a beat parade.
So, I'm just sweeping up the garbage
while I listen to the songs you play,
where everybody's trying but they
just can't get it straight.
So, I'm just sweeping up the garbage
while I whistle all the songs you play.
I keep changing my mind all the time
I hope you think that that's alright.
Yeah, I hope you tell me that that's all right.
So, I'm just slurring in the shade
when the daylight breaks,
and you and me have got it made.
A good man doesn't drink
And I've been drinking alone
So what does that make me?
My hands they always shake
And no one's calling my phone
So what does that make me?
And I know the kid with his guitar
So drunk and anxious
Has been done to death
But tell me what hasn't
I'll try it
Because I'm selfish enough
to wanna get better
But I'm backwards enough
not to take any steps to get there
And when you realize it's a pattern
And not a phase
It's what you've become
And it's what you will stay
That's ballgame
'Cause I don't got room in my life
for anyone else
And I've driven away all the
people that could help
And I still don't even know what I
need to do to fix myself
And there's a clamp around my chest
It tightens every time I lapse into
Another sorry story
About my miserable collapse
A bronze box I keep encased in glass
And dust off whenever I want your pity
'Cause lately I've had to come to grips
with scope and figure
How my problems stack up in a world
two steps from ruin
(Or maybe it's rapture)
Well, either way, I realize that my shit's
about as small as it could be
But that makes me feel worse for even feeling
this bad in the first place
'Cause there's a war starting soon, and all
the flags'll be waving
And Daniel's 20-year-old friend will be ready,
and willing, and waiting
He's a Marine and he told me
And that makes me sad
Really, really fucking sad
But at least he'll act
I'll just bite my tongue and then say:
"Daniel, you wish him luck"
I pray that he comes back
For his mother's sake, and then I'll drink
those thoughts away
I've gotten good at that
'Cause when you realize it's a pattern
And not a phase
It's what you've become
And it's what you will stay
That's ballgame
Oh oh oh
Yeah when you realize it's a pattern
And not a phase
It's what you've become
And it's what you will stay
That's ballgame
Yeah when you realize it's a pattern
And not a phase
It's what you've become
And it's what you will stay
I never knew things could be so slow
I could wait so long
Be so still and calm
And get where I want, on your arm
Thin streaks of tar spill off your right eye
Where my fingers find
Their way there every night we sleep side by side
Your hands in mine
When you get here, it's so nice
It's just the part where you leave I don't like
Such a happy accident
A note in your sneaker at 10 in the morning
And all of my worry that you were offended
And the catch in my breath when you weren't
It's like I woke up and got handed a present
My friends are working on avoiding me
So when we meet I keep my mouth real busy
Talk out my nervous energy
It never works
I throw darts at the wall and get sloppy
But it's alright now
If I seem surprised, it's just a joke I'm trying out
But if it floats, I guess I'll keep it around
A woman gestures lazily
Through the hoods in my eyes I see her shaking her jewelry
It casts a perfect light on me
I feel moved and that's strange
But lately, I've been acting really strangely
So it's alright now
I'm keeping distracted to blunt my reactions
And anyhow
You think less when there's less for you to think about
A paralyzed puppet sits stiff in the window
Grinding his teeth and playing piano
All his songs bleed together in a flatline blur
A broken litany of worthless words
Creating space while your drinks get served
I know it gets on your nerves
Just try to pretend like it's not work
Oh baby, baby please
I feel an urgent need to apologize
I did a terrible thing in a terrible dream
And now I can't look you in the eye
It started:
We were out on a date
And you turned to say,
"I gotta tell you something odd
I know I said we'd get married
But I'm already married"
And that's when you laughed so hard
So I turned and swung
Woke up in a shock
Nails digging blood from the base of my palms
Because people are so fickle
They fall in love at different angles
So really I could lose you just as quickly as I've gotten you
And that's the kind of thought that makes me nervous
And worried if you'll really think I'm worth it
When the rush wears off and you're left with this busted person
But if you tell me you will I will do wht I can to believe it
So baby all the things that I've seen
Last night while asleep
This morning, they're messing with me
And now I'm anxious as hell
And looking for help
Something pleasant and painless
Some story to tell
With a throughline of calm
That could stop me from being myself
'Cause all I think is how I wanna be your fever
Just to know I make you heated
'Cause I worry you might see me more like a blanket
Who's there for comfort and for cover
From the glare of former lovers
All that passion that kissed you and bit you 'til you were devoured
And I'd like to get better 'cause thinking like this is torture
And if I can't stop it you'll get sick of bearing crosses
And you'll jump to cut your losses
You'll go get quarantined somewhere far from me
Where it's much less dangerous
But maybe if I wake up and quit dreaming
I can shake and shit I'm fearing
And I can realize I'm just freaking out for no good reason
I'll tell you what:
Do you know how ridiculous you sound
When you say you might be in love with me
Not cause I want you to
Not cause I want you to
I've got to stop coming around here
You never seem to know what's best for me
At least not when I want you to
Not when I want you to
Not when I want you to
And if we meet today
Promise that you'll stay awake
Long enough to hear me say let's go to sleep
Let's go to sleep
And do you know how scared I am
Of the ball I'm dropping out
And you're breaking through to me
Not cause I want you to
Not cause I want you to
You're breaking through to me
Brooklyn boy, born and raised
Chopping lines, hey hey
It's my birthday
It's a toy I torch to tarpit flames
A lockjaw night, hey hey
It's my birthday
And your dead end friends
Make your stomach shake
And your hissing head
Barrels down that blackened lane
Alone at last to figure how you got this way
Charcoal clouds spot and spray
They kill the sun, hey hey
Hear its back break
So I can never tell night from day
Or right from wrong, hey hey
Hear my head ache
And your silver tounge
Masks your hungry hate
While your haggard heart
Whispers through its cracking cage,
"You still can change; you have to know
You still can change."
I know, I know - for now, I want to be this way.
A cadillac drives down my street
A bead of sweat pourin slow down a palm line.
I see a bumper sticker
it's a bearded man with a wanted sign.
A myth we've made to scare out fears away
A slogan that we slap on all our misdirected hate
A muddy symbol meant to mitigate our pain
But it's really just a desert corpse
We've painted on the wall out in some cave.
Anyway...
I don't know where he's gonna park that thing.
My neighborhood drunk's on-line at the deli
with his shaky hands and his swollen face he waits for his coffee.
He blacks out curbside every night
and every day crawls back towards wall street.
So I don't see it like it's us and them
I just see everybody working for that same eternal weekend
Droning on and on and on and never doing what we wanted
Heavy legs two steps behind some forever dangling carrot.
and I'm tired of this
So who's to say that we can't just fucking change it?
and I know it seems dramatic
but I treat it like a crisis
The office to the coffin
All our time and talent wasted
and that weight against your throat
is that a noose dressed like a necklace?
From here I couldn't really tell the difference
either way I say let's not take any chances
cause I don't know where he's gonna park that thing
Well I don't know where he's gonna park that thing
You get back here
You do it slowly
Do it calm, now
Don't be so angry
I got something
I've been chasing
Every day since I started walking
It just sits there
In the distance
It always flirts with the tips of my fingers
You thought that
You could love it
Until it touched you
And now you just wanna stop it
Well I'm sorry
It's not likely
It was here when you got here
And it'll be here when you're not here no more
And then some days
I get lucky
I can focus and things are less shaky
And I scrape you
Off the pale moon
And I slip you
Into soft shoes
And you tapdance
To a jazz band
On a cruise ship
Near an island
And your hair's up
You wear a short dress
And a wide smile
You're movements are careless
It's a daydream
I keep having
To make the clocks move
While I'm working
Or a bad joke
I can't sit through
And I smile because I feel like I have to
But if you'd look under the table
You'd see I'm playing with my knife
I'm slicing stripes into my kneecaps
And I'm struggling just to come off polite
We could be a snapshot framed and hung like a portrait
The moralist on the mountaintop
the capgun cowboy caught playin dressup
patrols his cartoon beat with his costume clothes
the damn fool with his ten ton chip
his bourgeois blues
and his heartbreak habit
slings his lightning bolts
his arrows and stones
but you could do it forever
it wont make you better
cause you wont find your mark
you could use a mirror
to see your target clearer
but bad blood hijacked your heart
but you got what you asked for
so dont even start
you're never a victim
so own what you did son
admit what you are.
dead weight in a tightrope trance
the painpill creatures stray in his wasteland
clenched teeth and a canyon he cant cross
theres me racing right along
the jukebox jester stuck on the same song
mouth full of lies a head full of holes
until i got worried
you saw the life i could lead
if i backed up off that rope
and let the ground come to me
steady under my knees
and my anger blurrin into hope
i asked for perspective
and it untied my hands
i see the relapsed way
i chose my own way
cant blame me for that
so when you're sorry
and one day you will be
i wish you all the best
i hope that you drop softly
and it dont end too badly
and your ragin head can finally rest
and you could be honest
and rescue yourself
but ill walk my own way
ill go where you wont go
you wont put me through hell, no no.
cause now i see through you
believe what you need to
Your skin's in my mouth,
but I'm thinkin' about
thousands of things
That don't got your name.
So, I'm distant and weird;
we stop and you're all ears.
But how can I say,
"I've just been thinking how it's harder every year
to find excuses that'll keep me in the clear;
the arbitrary lines I impress in the sand,
the proof that piles in my trash can
while the skin on my hands is looking older every day.
The lies I've told have turned to leather on my face.
The love I've lost has turned to needles in my heart.
But I'm to blame for all the bad parts.
They're the choices I've made, hey hey."
That's when I turn my face away,
and I watch the debates. Now, I can't see see straight
Take abortion away, and both sides are just the same,
so I'm not sure why I vote,
'cause I just don't know
what difference it makes.
It seems to me we get the same shit from them both.
Reform don't work; I think it's time we tried revolt,
but I don't got the guts to jump up and go first,
so I just shout until my throat hurts,
and I curse and I curse
at what we fucked up in Iraq.
You say support the troops; I do.
I want them all brought back,
and every building that you bombed raised from the ground.
And pull your contractors the fuck out.
If you really go and reinstate the draft,
you'll straight away just split the country straight in half,
so try arresting everyone who sends their draft cards back.
I'll be returning mine in no time flat.
In a sense we're the same,
struggling to save face.
It's a question of scope:
how far you're willing to go
to make rights of your wrongs,
despite the risk involved.
It's a question of faith,
'Cause if we wait until we've all been burned to ash
to tell the truth about the shit buried in our past,
we'll split a taxi to that firepit way down south.
So, let's rise up and open our mouths.
'Cause you remind me that it's harder every year
to find excuses that'll keep me in the clear;
the arbitrary lines I impress in the sand,
the proof that piles in my trash can.
And if you really go and reinstate the draft,
you'll straight away just split the country straight in half,
so try arresting everyone who sends their draft cards back.
I found you grieving in the grass
The sky bled water colored blue
You seemed so simple sure and sad
So I sat down to grieve with you
You raised your hand to shield your eyes
I shifted left to block the sun
You crossed your legs and cleared your throat
I waited for your words to come
But they slept soundly in your chest
They never made it past your tongue
So we sat silently and still
And thought about things we'd done
And all the people that we'd loved
And all the people that we'd wronged
I watched the years flash through your face
And I locked my anger in my lungs
So every breath stung more and more
A wave of whips across my spine
A billion bees trapped in my chest
Nails on a chalkboard every time
'Til I watched your fingers sneak towards mine
I heard your breath go thin and short
I tucked your hair behind you ears
And I watched your eyes dart back and forth
And I sucked your lip and bit your neck
The trees were shaking at their roots
My angry arms felt cool and calm
And my cotton mouth was wet with you
So we lay glowing in the grass
To watch the sun swap with the moon
To trade our future for our past
I found my fickle friend
out in the alley way
He said, You don't look so good.
I said, Hey doc, that's great.
You started practicing?
I never got the note.
So let's shake and trade
and be on our way.
Let's go, go, go.
So here we are again,
inside your neon shrine,
sharing a chopping block
beneath embarassed light
that tries to hide from us
it tucks itself away.
So we both grab hold
and say no you don't.
Just stay, just stay.
And I'm racing towards
the one mistake
that locks me in my place.
The judgement call
that justifies the smirk stuck on my face.
My crooked life scared straight and stiff
by the last wrong turn I'll take.
But I'm not there yet so come purr, my pet.
Let's play, let's play.
The morning's hot and harsh,
my notebook fills itself.
The words come thick with sweat,
it feels like someone else
is writing all of this,
someone I just can't believe.
when I mop my brow,
set my pen back down,
it's still me, still me.
And I'm grabbing at a feeling now
that I can't ever name.
Some sign post to remind me
how I wanted things this way.
And she said, it's pretty
but you hate yourself,
I can hear it clear as day.
And I say, a sin like this,
it sounds worse than it is.
I'm okay, okay.
I'm okay, okay.
You probably don't wear your glasses
But you probably need them to read
You probably value your downtime
And you probably don't get much sleep
And you probably don't like the movies
But you probably go anyway
And you probably fight with your parents a lot
When you feel like there's nothing to say
And you probably don't care for punk rock
But you probably own 'Nevermind'
And you probably don't talk to strangers
But you'd wish they talk to all the time
So I probably should say something to you
But id probably ruin it then
Its best for both of us if I keep my mouth shut
I saw your haircut in a storefront:
The choppy sides and perfect bangs.
I loved the way it framed the model's cheekbones,
The blank expression on her face.
So I went inside and tried to buy it,
But I got told it's not for sale.
I got embarrassed and I decked the sales clerk.
I stole the wig and ran like hell.
And I figured I would come and show you,
So I kept running towards your house;
Then I remembered I don't have your address
(At least not the one you live at now).
So I hurriedd home to get collected,
To let the red flush from my face.
I took out my notebook and I sketched you smiling.
I like to think of you that way.
Then I put your haircut in my closet
Next to your t-shirts and your cards.
I turned the lights out and I sunk in, slowly,
Counting sheep and breathing hard.
But when it comes it's way too quickly,
And it busts apart the faith I've grown:
See, I can't stop myself from hurting you,
i'm looking at you through a wine glass.
i'm watching the light play games with your face.
i'm tracing your mouth with my fingers.
i'm trying to pick up your taste.
and will you dance for me?
two more drinks and i'll forget everything.
i can't remember your face by the time i get home.
your photograph in an album, peeling plastic, yellow pages.
tainted by so many fingerprints.
i need to remember this.
need you to dance for me.
can you dance for me?
can you dance for me?
can you dance for me?
coz i wont remember this in the morning.
two more drinks and i'll forget everything.
i can't remember your face by the time i get home.
you always wanna be told you're right
maybe i got sick of lying all the time
you always say you're taken for granted
i'm just re-reprimanded
ruined by your father's love
'cause it's not enough
well i'm tired of being bitter
playing babysitter when you need a place to cry
so i'm starting up a boys club just like junior high
for guys with record collections
and the girls they hurt to get them
and i'll go there to forget all about you
and i'll go there to forget all about you
and i'll never take it back
ahhhh, ahh, ahh, ahhhhhh
ahhhh, ahh, ahh, ahhhhhh
and i'll go there to forget all about you
and i'll go there to forget all about you
and i'll never take it back
no, i'll never take it back
no, i'll never take it back