The Sexual Relationship | Object Relations Theory & Sexual Development | Part I

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• published: 04 Jul 2017
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http://donovanbigelow.com Exploring the role of sexuality in human relationships with theoretical contributions from object relations theory & child development. This is the first lecture on sexuality, covering the material from Dr. David Scharff's book 'The Sexual Relationship: An Object Relations Approach to Sex and the Family' We'll be going over Chapters 1 - 3. Chapter 1: introduction for a couple what to sexuality Chapter 2: Chapter 3: The Relevance of Infancy for Sexuality: The Child’s Attachment to it's Mother Scharff shows how sexual union gives us the repeated opportunity to return to the source of our most profound instinctual needs so that we can find there the nourishment for emotional renewal through a harmonious interplay of our internal object relations. . . . We do not he, attracted to someone because of the present value judgments in our lives we become attracted to someone because they re-create in us that first intimate object relational dynamic between the child and the mother. I think most people have some intuitive awareness some visceral sense of understanding that that that the mate and they picked was not picked randomly that it really did reflect something fundamental that they were drawn to this person, were pulled to them that there were emotional ties to that person that felt almost inexorable. Scharff sees patients with problems in sexually relating as needing help in finding out how to translate the problems into emotional equivalents that are susceptible to therapeutic change. The family group offers the means of working through a second time in adulthood what went wrong the first time in childhood, by continued object seeking, finding, and repairing. It is the unique situation in which transferences can be creatively satisfied. I am going to be going through a text by Dr. David E Scharff, it is called the sexual relationship an object relations view of sex and the family. I am convinced that this is the most important single text on sexuality sense Freud 1905 three essays on the theory of sexuality. I think that we and our modern liberal culture have have taken the stance that we are so open, so available so sexually liberated, but I find that to be entirely untrue and that stance appears to be a defense against what remains of will probably always remain the most dangerous subject than that sexuality because it calls into question every element of our identity. One conclusion of Dr. Scharff is that there is no endpoint where you have achieved your final mature sexuality. Sexuality is a dynamic accumulating growing developing central part of your identity and suggests that you should never stopped developing. You stop developing when you die. If you remember back to your adolescence which for some of the was a while ago and for some not so much the first time you are walking with a potential boyfriend or girlfriend and you reached over to hold hands there was a spark there. There was an intensity that everything changed. remember your first kiss that first connection at the body level has a level of intensity to at that has to be paid attention to. in adulthood some of the most profound and earliest hopes and fears, loves and disappointments are awakened by bodily experience or by its frustration because of the tangible reenactment of the past this interlocking force of physical and psychological urges and adult physical intimacy is as powerful as anything in the realm of human relationships. I think that simply true to move now back to the infant and the development of psycho sexuality the individuals growth is so completely dependent on the context of mother and family that cannot be understood without reference to them. Children do not grow up they have to be raised and they their development literally the physical structure of their brains and every element of their identity at an emotional and subsequently cognitive level will depend virtually entirely on the presence of a loving containing mother figure. Sexual development unfolds as a series of biological events which both trigger inform the context for psychological growth and and the underlying template here is the integration of physiological and emotional containment and care. Connect with Donovan: Google+: https://plus.google.com/+DonovanBigelowLMHC/about Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DonovanBigelowLMHC/ Website: http://donovanbigelow.com/ Donovan Bigelow is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC) in private psychotherapy practice in Seattle, Washington. His clinical focus is on adolescent, adult, and couples therapy. He believe that therapists cannot take a patient deeper than they have been willing to go themselves.