4:30 in the afternoon, just woke up. 9 hrs of sleep, 5 hours of dancing hard. I even stripped down to my stripper dress which looks like a long tight shirt on the dance floor and endured the open judgment of Japan on my 41 year old ‘oh my god did is she wearing any panties (i was, but its a stripper dress so its hard to tell) and actually dancing in a public place?’ Good thing my party mate was a gaijin dude and he was not at all embarrassed. I kept thinking how the soul of my mother was yelling at me even though she isn’t dead. “NOBODY DOES THAT IN JAPAN!!” It wasn’t about exhibitionism or being too drunk, it was about the fact that I wanted to free my legs and my thighs and do some SERIOUS DANCING and my long skirt was getting in the way! I used to be a stripper so fuck you, I don’t give fuck. All these Japanese guys were confused. They are always confused by me. I’m glad I wasn’t dating one of them, I probably wouldn’t have done that so I could save face for his family or something silly. But I was raised American and I don’t give a fuck, and even in America I don’t give a fuck, and even in big bad ass LA, I do some crazy I don’t give a fuck SHIIIIT and no one can figure me out.
I like doing energetic experiments like this, the kind that TEST AND CONFRONT your role as a woman in society. This is my brand of MARTIAL ARTS. This is the energy of my performance art testicles. I love that I can get away with it. Walking the lines of being punished as a whore in any given society. And i built these guts because I WAS THAT WHORE. I WAS THAT STRIPPER.
But NOW I KNOW I AM A GODDESS. AND because I’m so POWERFUL IN MY BODY and ENERGY AND MIND NOTHING. BAD. EVER. HAPPENS. I defy judgment, rape, violence and gravity. Because I know you would fuck me if I let you, but if you only had the guts like me to step to me to even dance, but you don’t so I laugh at you even though you are laughing at me behind your covered mouth.
Perhaps if you know about Burningman culture, it can be described as something close to that, its not because I’m American or Japanese or Chinese or queer or whatever…because EVEN IF YOU WALK AROUND SHIRTLESS at some FESTIVALS in America you are told it is wrong, beaches in LA it is illegal. So, it isn’t because I’m gaijin or American. This culture/strength was in me BEFORE I went to the playa, and it runs in my blood even though I’ve stopped going. But, at least there, there are 1000s of other warrior goddesses dancing with me.
OUR BODY EXPRESSION IS OUR TRUTH and you can try to create social norms or legit laws to control me but it doesn’t work. Another example, I am SUPPOSED TO WEAR A BRA. But why? Because YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE or have a reaction to my nipples. I have disagreed with that my entire adult life, so for most of my adult life, I have refused to wear a bra. In Japan, tattoos are not illegal but if I don’t hide them, I can’t swim in the pool where I do laps. So i conform. If I MUST CONFORM in order to access equality then I will. But if you want me to conform because you want to convince me to subdue my blatant inequality then FUCK YOU. My nipples aren’t hard because I’m horny or because I desire to fuck you. I mean FUCK YOU and YOUR SOCIAL CONDITIONING. (whatever country that is inherited from).
Sometimes when I get bored of having the male gaze on my chest, I avoid shirts that bring out the protrusion of nipple flesh, but most of the time, I do what i feel like doing and wear what I feel like wearing. Some women actually hate me for it, but I don’t lose any sleep over it.
My millennial Asian American sister Anni Ma is in a groundbreaking lawsuit that I always wanted to do to change hypocritical society. She gives a middle finger to the “put a shirt onners” and even tells “so called radical festival authority figures” if “Would they like to talk to her lawyer about their request to cover her chest?” Of course, It would take the next generation of feminist to finally push this stupid hypocrisy through, and so I am watching to see if she is successful in American courts, but in my eyes she has already made profound changes regardless of what the outcome of the case is.
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