John Birmingham has given this some thought and come up with the only reasons you'll ever need to deny people equal rights.

• COMMENT

Mr Abbott, your opinion piece was a mix of baseless assertions, illogical contortions and brazen inversions.

• SATIRE

Donald Trump's handshake with French president possibly his most awkward yet.

• COMMENT

It should be illegal in all Australian states and territories, writes Alan Stokes.

Those sitting the test will be cheered on/bullied by Immigration staff, to create a more realistic, high-pressure environment.

[SATIRE] US airline giant United launched an innovative new seating class today, which will see customers dragged to and from their seats for a modest extra fee.

[SATIRE] A spokesperson for the Australia Post board of directors said they suspected a resignation may have been imminent in August 2015, when they received a ‘sorry we missed you’ card.

[SATIRE] The Sydney man, who was revealed yesterday as the party’s biggest ever donor, said he had no interest in policy and was happy to leave the running of the party to others.

Becoming a large international corporation is the simplest way to avoid paying the money you owe the Federal Government, it has been revealed.

• COMMENT

Baby boomer Valerie Morton has a business vision: bugger nursing homes, bring on the well-appointed opium dens.

[SATIRE] In a wake-up call for the nation’s educators, Australia has plummeted on the international maths rankings tables for students, falling to 28th spot – a 10 per cent decline on last year’s 18th.

• SATIRE

[SATIRE]: “For some teams it’s the short ball the brings them unstuck; for others it’s a turning wicket. For the Aussies it’s playing cricket."

• SATIRE

SATIRE: Mexico has erected a full-length border wall to keep out the millions of Americans hoping to flee from a Trump presidency.

• SATIRE

[SATIRE] Republican Presidential candidate Donald Trump has moved swiftly to remove the stench created by Australian Senator Cory Bernardi's endorsement.

[SATIRE] A $22.50 processing fee has been applied to each question answered during the parliamentary inquiry into banks, it was revealed today.

[Satire] "Their transport, their holidays, the sporting events they attend, even the charity events they participate in, are so often funded by the government."

• SATIRE

Socks will no longer be able to be worn in Sydney after 10pm, following a new law introduced by Premier Mike Baird.

• SATIRE

SATIRE Saying he was 'ready to go home', a group of trainers today released Michael Phelps back into the wild today after more than 15 years in captivity.

• SATIRE

SATIRE: Australia has a population of just under 50 people, according to last night's census figures.

(Satire) Saying it was ‘intrusive’ and a ‘blatant invasion of privacy’, Melbourne man Terry McManus has posted a stinging rant about the national census on a social networking site that knows how many sexual partners he has had in the last three years, and where he went to primary school.

(SATIRE) In the spirit of Royal Commissions into ‘things that scare us a little because we don’t understand them’, here are 10 other things that Ms Hanson should use more taxpayer money to investigate.

(SATIRE) Bunnings once controlled 80% of the sausage-sizzle market (SSM), but figures today showed its share had fallen below 10% as consumers flocked to competitor SS operators at polling booths.

(SATIRE) Responding to the recent turmoil in Europe, Malcolm Turnbull has added ‘stability’ to his party’s core message of ‘jobs and growth’, reminding voters that his party has gone almost a year now without changing leaders.

• SATIRE

Migration laws will no longer need to change under an independent Britain, because no-one will want to go there to work anyway.

• SATIRE

After almost four months of vetting and voting, Americans have successfully narrowed down their entire population to the two citizens they like least.

Australia will not have a goods and services tax if a Labor Government is elected, following Bill Shorten's pledge to dismantle the system in its entirety today.

• SATIRE

Former NRL, NFL and Fijian 7s star Jarryd Hayne has jumped at the opportunity to fill Nick Kyrgios's spot on the Australian Olympic tennis team, saying it was a chance to pursue his lifelong dream.

Getting paid $270 to stay in your own house, without any of the tax implications that apply to other people, is just a quirk of the system, say a group of people who are uniquely placed to change the system.

• SATIRE

SATIRE: The Prime Minister has announced a new high speed rail policy that will connect the country’s two largest cities once every three years.

SATIRE: “Under President Obama, birds have been pouring across our borders unabated. Just look out your window and you’ll see them. All sorts of birds."