There was a time – around the period of Gulf War 1, when General Stormin’ Norman Schwarzkopf was inspiring proud nationalists everywhere – that the Humvee military vehicle was as cool as it got. Arnold Schwarzenegger had one and so did plenty of A-list celebrities including 50 Cent, who used the utter uselessness of the big, weapons-grade Hummer to make a statement…ridiculous though it was.

General Motors bought the rights in 1999 to produce the big Humvee, renaming it Hummer H1 and then backing up with the smaller H2 and H3, based on civilian-vehicle platforms.

The idea was to impart a chunk of that military yee-hah to an SUV that could cut it in the suburbs. Of course, by the time General Motors got the things to market, the Planet America thing was decidedly on the nose and the whole Hummer thing was discontinued in 2009. Not, however, before GM tried unsuccessfully to unload the Hummer operation to a Chinese company for US$150 million.

As a member of the global General Motors family, Holden was given the job of selling the Hummer H3 in this market, with sales starting in 2007. It needn’t have bothered, really.

Not only was the H3 a sub-standard piece of equipment in many important areas, it just didn’t work out here where, unlike the USA, the majority of houses don’t have a flagpole flying the national flag.

So what was it?

The Hummer H3 used the platform from a US-market Chevrolet compact pick-up which endowed it with a live-rear axle suspended by leaf springs and a torsion-bar front end.

The engine was a five-cylinder petrol unit which could be teamed with a five-speed manual or a four-speed automatic and the H3 had permanent all-wheel-drive and a transfer-case with low-ratio gears.

Even though it wasn’t the full-strength H1 version with its military aspirations, the H3 was actually quite a decent thing off-road. It had the wheel articulation and ground clearance, as well as the gear ratios, to cut it in the bush.

What it didn’t have was much in the way of talent beyond that.

On the road, the 3.7-litre engine struggled, even with the five-speed manual enabling you to stir it along a little more forcibly. The engine was never particularly smooth or willing to rev, however, but the biggest problem was the kerb mass which, even in the H3’s lightest form, was still most of 2200kg. The ride was choppy on the typically patchy urban road network and while body roll wasn’t too bad, grip was never a Hummer strong suit and the tyres were off-road oriented at the expense of on-road performance.

Inside, the width of the H3 – one of its styling signatures – was the only really good news. Beyond that, the thing was tight for headroom and rear knee-room and the small windows added up to a claustrophobic space for anybody that way inclined to start with. Small door openings will also make strapping kids into restraints more headache than it should be. And while the H3 looked imposing at almost two metres across, that could make it a bit of a chore to park in your typical suburban shopping centre.

The plastic-finished interior was good in a utility sense, but didn’t really give much of a feel of luxury and was decades behind the rest of the SUV world as it stood then.

Then there was the purchase price which, at $52,000, seemed a bit steep given the build quality and performance on tap. Not to mention running costs and with an official fuel consumption figure of 13.9 litres per 100km (combined) and block-house aerodynamics, the H3 was never going to be a fuel sipper. Luckily, then, it had an 87-litre tank.

Things to watch out for in a Hummer now include an interior that has badly scarred or rattling plastic parts. Be wary, too, of an example that has been kitted out with a bull-bar, lifted suspension and a winch, as this probably suggests it has been used off road. And while that was definitely the H3’s big buying proposition, it’s also the example we’d avoid.

Despite being designed for off-road use, the H3 had a flawed coolant reservoir design which could see the vehicle lose coolant when tipped at extreme angles. Holden dealers were fitting a revised reservoir, but it’d be worth checking to see if a particular car has this revised part.

A range of check-engine light glitches could be thrown up, including a warning light for the air-bag system which was usually traced back to a sensor in the seat-belt sensor. As well as checking for obvious crash damage and poor repairs, check the tail-light surrounds for fit, as some H3s had faulty retaining clips.

When it came to recalls, the H3 was not without its problems, either. One batch of Hummers was recalled to check the wiring for the heater fan. In some cases, running the fan on high for extended periods could see heat build up in the wiring with a fire risk the big problem.

Hummers were also recalled to fix a faulty electrical system designed to warn of a blown indicator bulb as well as to check the decorative plastic louvre on the bonnet which, thanks to faulty clips, could have parted company with the rest of the vehicle at speed.

What’s perhaps most amazing about the Hummer H3 is that it still commands a frighteningly high price as a used proposition. Perhaps that animal attraction back when they were new still applies to some folks; maybe it’s the relative rarity that’s keeping retained values high. Mind you, that level of rarity is purely a function of poor sales when they were new, so who knows. 

Our rating: 2/5

Nuts and bolts

Engine: 3.7-litre five-cylinder petrol

Transmissions: Four-speed auto/five-speed manual

Fuel economy (combined): 13.9L/100km

Likes:

• Looks Desert-Storm tough…if that’s your thing.
• Five-cylinder engine cheaper to service than a diesel.
• Manual transmission extracted more from engine.
• Very capable off-road.

Dislikes:

• Width makes them difficult to park.
• Plasticky interior feels low rent.
• Way more expensive than they should be.
• Is this really how you see yourself? 

Competitors:

Toyota FJ Cruiser – If you want the quasi-military, retro looks but in a much better resolved package, then the FJ Cruiser is the one. Prado mechanicals and interesting packaging make sense. Later ones had bigger fuel tank. 4/5

Jeep Wrangler – More retro looks and another vehicle with much better off-road credentials than on-road manners. The Jeep was at least available with a diesel option, but build quality was poor and reliability suspect. 3/5

Land Rover Defender – Short-wheelbase Defender was a great looking vehicle but not strictly retro; it had always looked that way. Brilliant off-road but wholly iffy in reliability terms. The faithful love them. 3/5

What to pay (courtesy of Glass’s Guide):

Model                 Year        New       Now

H3                     2007       $51,990   $16,200

Luxury               2007       $59,990   $18,600

Adventure          2007       $57,990   $16,700

H3                    2008       $52,990   $17,500

Luxury              2008       $60,990   $20,700

Adventure          2008       $58,990   $18,100

H3                    2009       $52,990   $19,000

Luxury              2009       $60,990   $22,400

Adventure          2009      $58,990   $19,700

H3                   2010       $52,990   $22,000

Luxury             2010       $60,990   $26,000

Adventure        2010       $58,990   $23,100