What's the old saying about the only certainties in life are death and taxes?Â
But this being Australia, ASX-listed funeral service provider, Invocare, thought a side bet on real estate ought to be a winner, and boy has it paid off.Â
![Invocare owns White Lady and Simplicity funerals.](http://web.archive.org./web/20170820073132im_/https://www.fairfaxstatic.com.au/content/dam/images/g/x/x/m/n/v/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.gxxd9u.png/1502893968333.jpg)
Costs were down, revenues up, and reported profits rocketed more than 50 per cent for the first half to $41.7 million.Â
For once, the surprise performance boost did not come from full coffins filling the company coffers. Quite the opposite.Â
![Tim Worner from Seven West Media had his bonus cut.](http://web.archive.org./web/20170820073132im_/https://www.fairfaxstatic.com.au/content/dam/images/g/x/x/n/9/2/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.gxxd9u.png/1502893968333.jpg)
Invocare boss Martin Earp now has strong incentive to ensure some of its future customers remain in rude health thanks to the money it is making from the prepaid funeral expenses segment of the business.Â
It gives the company a coffin-load of cash to invest while these customers remain alive. In fact it grew to over $500 million for the half-year ending June 30. And the most significant boost came from the revaluation of properties in which Invocare had invested.Â
"Undelivered prepaid contracts FUM (funds under management) increased 15 per cent to $507.8 million reflecting property investment revaluations," the company said in its half-year presentation material.Â
As of June 30, around 30 per cent of this $500 million was invested in property, far exceeding the portion of funds Invocare invested in the stock market.Â
![Todd Sampson](http://web.archive.org./web/20170820073132im_/https://www.fairfaxstatic.com.au/content/dam/images/g/r/u/u/e/j/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.gxxd9u.png/1502893968333.jpg)
But the company included a caution that this new source of profits may add a bit more volatility to its earnings – compared with the traditional reliance on customers kicking the bucket.Â
Seven sinsÂ
While Amber Harrison has been forced to launch a public appeal to raise cash and avoid potential bankruptcy over her legal battle with Kerry Stokes' Seven West Media, it looks like her former lover – Seven West chief executive Tim Worner – might be paying a more modest financial penalty.Â
![Illustration: John Shakespeare.](http://web.archive.org./web/20170820073132im_/https://www.fairfaxstatic.com.au/content/dam/images/g/x/x/v/k/k/image.related.articleLeadNarrow.300x0.gxxd9u.png/1502927544681.jpg)
Worner's remuneration fell by $460,000 last year to $2.74 million after he "asked not to be considered for an STI (short term incentive) award."Â
He received an STI award of $500,000 the previous year, but it was expected to be much lower for the 2017 financial year.Â
When asked about the bonus cut, Worner indicated it was due to the financial performance of the company, which reported a $745 million loss for the full-year due to a billion dollars worth of writedowns.Â
"It hasn't been a stellar year for the company and as such I didn't ask to be considered for a bonus,"Â he said on a conference call.Â
But he admitted it was a "reasonable enough question" when asked if the reputational fallout from his affair with Harrison played a role.
The annual report only noted that Worner asked to not be considered for the incentive payment and said: "The board determined that it would not be appropriate for an STI award to be made to (Worner)."Â
It would not be the first time Worner has had his bonus cut over the affair. His bonus was slashed by $100,000 in 2014 when the board first learned of the affair, but it was not made public at the time.Â
Toddy hackÂ
It's hard being a super human like ad guru Todd Sampson, and conform with the mundane details of existence – like attending impromptu Fairfax Media board meetings when the company is the subject of competing takeover bids from private equity.
The annual report for CBD's publisher noted that Sampson "missed four unscheduled board meetings called at short notice in the days between 11 and 17 May 2017 when he was on leave and unable to attend in person or electronically."Â
And he still got a pay rise. His salary bulked up by $18,000 to $148,648 as he found time to join the board's People and Culture Committee in December.
CBD is told iron man Todd was in transit during the period – presumably on a Qantas flight given he is also on the airline's board. Â
It was not the only item of interest in the accounts. Fairfax's chief number cruncher, David Housego, received a special retention payment in his incentives "given the desire for a stable leadership team during a period of significant change and during the proposed separation of Domain." Â
Follow CBD on Twitter. Got a tip? ckruger@fairfaxmedia.com.au
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