Not since the Hungarians and Russians went at it in the water polo at the 1956 Melbourne Olympics has a sporting event been so anticipated.
The Bledisloe Cup.
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On one side of the scrum, great toothless Kiwis, super-charged by their haka and adrenalised by the news that their nation is under attack.
And on the other, great toothless Australians, required to defend the honour of their Foreign Minister and Secretary for War, Julie Bishop.
![Barnaby Joyce, pictured playing for the Nationals against the Liberals in Brisbane, desperately needs a win.
July 6. ...](http://web.archive.org./web/20170820163438im_/https://www.fairfaxstatic.com.au/content/dam/images/g/p/0/u/0/f/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.gxxlv2.png/1502865272203.jpg)
Saturday night, Olympic Park, Sydney.
There will be blood.
There always is, of course. It's rugby. All Blacks versus Wallabies. Been spilling claret for the Bledisloe since the Great Depression.
This time, what with accusations of international conspiracies to bring down poor Barnaby Joyce and maybe the whole Turnbull Government over New Zealand citizenship, national sovereignty is at stake like never before.
![All Black? Foreign Minister Julie Bishop and Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce during question time on Tuesday.](http://web.archive.org./web/20170820163438im_/https://www.fairfaxstatic.com.au/content/dam/images/g/x/w/j/z/5/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.gxxlv2.png/1502865272203.jpg)
The Tasman Sea, we hasten to reassure, is not yet crawling with warships, and nor are the skies black with warplanes.
Indeed, a shooting war would be, as the generals say, asymmetrical.
![The Bledisloe Cup will be a win-win contest for Barnaby Joyce.](http://web.archive.org./web/20170820163438im_/https://www.fairfaxstatic.com.au/content/dam/images/g/s/r/3/7/2/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.gxxlv2.png/1502865272203.jpg)
The Royal New Zealand Air Force isn't - and how do we say this politely? - what is customarily considered to be an actual air force. It has no combat planes at all, and the 51 planes it still flies are of the transport and patrol variety.
The Royal New Zealand Navy has but 11 ships, two of which are combat vessels, and eight helicopters.
Ah, but the Kiwis have the All Blacks.
Here the asymmetry is reversed.
Since New Zealand and Australia have been knocking out teeth in pursuit of the Bledisloe Cup, the All Blacks have emerged victorious 44 times.
The Wallabies (cough) have captured it just 12 times. The last time the Bledisloe Cup sat for a season in an Australian trophy cabinet was (ahem) 2002.
It is not known whether Ms Bishop, having declared she'd have trouble trusting a New Zealand government should the NZ Labour Party win the election in a couple of weeks, will attend the Bledisloe. She has, after all, set trans-Tasman relations back to the 1920s when arguments flared about whether Australia or New Zealand invented the pavlova meringue.
The more intriguing question, as ever, concerns Barnaby Joyce.
He's a big rugby union fan, and has himself played second row for such hard-doing bush teams as the Walcha Rams, the St George Frillnecks, the Charleville Railways, and the South Burnett Thrashers (truly).
Suddenly, having discovered he has been deemed a citizen of New Zealand since birth - an honour he renounced at the weekend, though he is still anxiously awaiting the paperwork to complete the walk-away - he must be conflicted come Bledisloe night. He's always been a Wallabies man. But he sorely needs a win. Any win, at a time like this!
And his (alternative) countrymen seem likely to deliver it, even though he's renounced them.
The All Blacks might come from a little country, but they've got history on their side.
And Ms Bishop, having embraced the idea that war is the continuation of politics by other means, has motivated them. Big time.