This week, I attended my first beauty pageant, and it was deeply troubling.
While I consider myself a feminist I have been known to ogle magazine spreads and runway shows featuring models wearing, admittedly, not very much.
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Miss Universe's struggle with mental health
Depression can impact anyone, even Miss Universe Australia 2017 Olivia Rogers, who spoke with Donna Demaio about her personal battle with mental illness and those suffering should be more willing to talk openly about it.
But somehow, the treatment of the 32 women vying to become Miss Universe Australia on Thursday night made me incredibly uncomfortable.
The opening number featured the women parading and dancing awkwardly in one-piece swimsuits to music.
As if this parade of flesh wasn't enough it was followed by the actual swimsuit section, in which the contestants paraded one by one in bikinis ranging from skimpy to practically non-existent.
Now I am all for women wearing whatever they want. But being judged for it is a different matter.
As the cameras capturing the action on the big screens zoomed in on buttocks, breasts and every dimple, bruise and the occasional tattoo, I asked myself the same question over and over: why?
If Miss Universe's aim is to provide "a platform for the country's most beautiful, talented, educated and confident young women", is it necessary to include not one but two segments where they are judged practically nude?
Clearly I'm not the first person to question the legitimacy of a bikini contest in 2017.
Still, seeing it in real life brought the absurdity of it and the need for change into sharper focus.
In 2014, Miss World banned the bikini after 63 years because, according to chairwoman Julia Morley, "It doesn't do anything for the woman. And it doesn't do anything for any of us."
Why then does Miss Universe insist on continuing this retrograde segment that adds little except the crass wolf whistles from the (arguably mostly male) spectators?
Even this year's winner, Olivia Rogers, shared her anxieties about parading in a swimsuit.
"Even in front of my family I am a bit self conscious. So getting up on stage in front of a lot of people in not much was very scary," the 25-year-old South Australian said.
Rogers said she "thought she was going to throw up all day" on Tuesday, the day of the actual bikini judging.
Which raises the question, if the bikini judging is done behind closed doors, why feature it in the final presentation? Because ratings and media coverage.
Miss Universe, indeed all beauty pageants, claims to give a voice to women to air important issues to help others. Rogers herself hopes to use the platform to raise awareness about anxiety and depression, both of which she has suffered.
Last year's winner, Cariis Tivel, also shared her battle with depression after winning the national title.
But it's hard to separate the good intentions and messages in the Miss Universe ethos from the more superficial – and frankly exploitative – aspects.
How can women simultaneously promote positive body image and mental health while they feed a false ideal that women must look a certain way to succeed?
Miss World has partly addressed this by banning the bikini, while Miss Teen USA has taken the step of replacing bikinis with active wear.
After all, if the swimsuit was the cultural symbol of a healthy body in the 1950s, when the major pageants were founded, surely a pair of leggings would be a suitable substitute in 2017. It may not be a perfect solution but it's far less troubling than a string bikini.
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