What teenagers think about sexual consent and how it goes wrong

Earlier this month, a landmark survey revealed more than half of all university students were sexually harassed on at least one occasion last year.

Of the 31,000 students to take part, the survey showed that one in five were sexually harassed in a university setting.

That setting includes on campus, travelling to and from university, as well as off-campus events organised or endorsed by it.

The survey defined sexual assault as “when a person is forced, coerced or tricked into sexual acts against their will or without their consent, including when they have withdrawn their consent”.

It provided a frightening insight in to campus life across the country — with the findings recommending that education on consent and respectful relationships be taught on campus.

Following the survey, Tuesday night’s episode of Insight on SBS will discuss what happens when someone decides halfway through sex that they don’t want to continue.

18-year-old Lauren, who exposed her personal experiences, said she will often feel pressure to keep going during sex out of guilt.

“The first thing that will pop into my head is, like, I’ll feel bad, I feel like I’m annoying him ... what’s he going to do now, get blue balls,” she said on the program.

“You can physically see their feelings and you can’t see ours, you’re meant to act on it. And they’ll use the whole guilt trip on you.”

Speaking of her experience, Lauren said consent is not straightforward or simply a “part of foreplay” — and that pornography is in part to blame for the lack of clarity.

“I feel like men have been told that they’re allowed to slap a girl’s a**e and that they are allowed to grab them,” she said.

“I’m just not that kind of girl that enjoys just being played with like a toy.

“Something that I feel is that the adult film industry gives such a false representation that women love it and expect it and really think about it all the time.

“And of course sex in porn, they’re not sitting down for five minutes being like do you consent to this? They’re just like boom ... into it. So yeah, I don’t think that it’s taught.”

19-year-old James, who also took part in the discussion, agreed with Lauren — saying that consent isn’t clear, and isn’t talked about enough.

“Different people definitely pick up signals in a different way,” he said.

“Different people send different signals so you can have someone sending signals that you think are consenting ... but the person sending the signals might not even realise they’re doing it and then what that causes is a big misunderstanding which can lead to a lot worse things.

“A lot of it has to be said more than sending signals and stuff like that.”

Earlier this year, questions like: “If heavy intoxication eliminates a person’s capacity to give consent, then what happens in a situation where both people are really drunk?” was asked by first year students at the University of Queensland during a series of events aimed at tackling campus sexual assault.

Titled “Re-Think”, the program was devised by St Leo’s Head of College Stephen Foley to address topics including consent, sexual assault, communication and respect.

In one of the activities, students were asked to brainstorm all the signs that a person is consenting to a sexual encounter, as well as all the signs that a person is beginning to feel uncomfortable.

Interestingly, only a fraction of the students said that they would use the word “no” to turn down an unwanted experience, or indicate that they were uncomfortable.

When asked why they might not feel comfortable to use the word “no”, they gave several explanations including concern that some people might respond with frustration or escalated aggression if given a “hard no”.

Other students indicated that the word “no” is very final and may cause the initiator to feel rejected. They suggested there can be more sensitive, subtle or nuanced ways of communicating a rejection that don’t risk hurt feelings.

— with Nina Funnell.

Both Lauren and James will appear as a guest on Insight, which airs Tuesday at 8.30pm on SBS One.

This week, Insight speaks to young men and women about sex and consent and what happens when it goes wrong.

Originally published as ‘I’ll feel like I’m annoying him during sex’