Barbara, I think we will be good for each other, an odd number can brake a tie, incase we need to get over it! My personal e-mail is 2011japr@gmail.com. Ellen is such an inspiration to me and I am SO glad she has you to lean on.  I look forward hearing from you.

Hugs Jane

Thank you for adding me as a friend. Ellen spoke so highly of you and it seems we all have too much in common.  I look forward communicating with you. Hugs, Jane

Hi Barbara,

I haven't been on this website is quite awhile. The holidays are near again and I'm reaching out. My spouse (Ray) died 3-22-2010. We were married 34 yrs. we have two children, a son 35, and a daughter 27. What caught my eye about you was that your from Wonder Lake, IL. I have a stepson that lives in Wonder Lake. His name is Rudy Herrera and he lives there with his friend Sharon. Anyway, I always like to talk with people that live in Illinois, I'm originally from Chicago but married my husband and we moved to Texas in 1981. Anyway, I haven't been able to read your story of your loss. Did you lose a spouse also? This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life. I miss my Ray so much! They say it gets better with time, I don't know about that. These holidays are tearing me apart. I had a wonderful marriage and a great husband. Don't get me wrong, we had our spats now and then but I can say our marriage was mostly wonderful. Ray was diagnosed with Pulmonary Fibrosis on 2005. It's a terminal lung disease very similar to black lung disease. We don't know how he contacted it but there is no cure or medication to help patients with this illness. He had gone on oxygen almost immediately. It was a rough disease seeing your loved one who just deteriorated into a frail person. He was a very strong man, hardly ever sick in his life and then he got this horrid illness. What really hurts was to see this man have such a sharp mind, even till the end, but his body just weakened day by day. Since Ray's passing, my health has also deteriorated. I thank God that he let all this happen after Ray died so I was able to take care of him to the end. Anyway Barbara, I would like to chat with you and see how your handling your grief. My mind so wants to do things but my body won't and I so want to just be with my Ray. I have grown children and grand children but I just can't find a purpose in life anymore. I keep praying and asking God what does he want me to do to have a different outlook on my life. So many people just pick up the pieces and go on with their life, I can't get that feeling. Would you be so kind to share your experience with me? I would appreciate talking with someone who is going through the same thing that I am. I hope to hear from you and that I didn't come across to you as a nut case. You know, it's always nicer to talk to people from area's where you once lived or live where you know someone who lives close to them. Well dear, again, I hope to hear from you. 

God bless,

Pat Herrera

Bryan, TX

pattycake11@msn.com

Dear Barbara,

Thanks so much for sharing. I am facing my husband's birthday soon also and I'm scared! That's crazy, but that's how I feel. I don't want to go there. How can I face that day without him? By you sharing your experience, I now feel less anxiety about it. I can take cues from you to help me get through it. Larry would be 39 yrs. old on April 15. I gave him a surprise party in 2009 which was his very first birthday party ever! He loved it. I am so thankful to have done that for him. He was the easiest person in the world to please, & nobody deserved the best in life more than he! He is so precious to me. I don't know how much longer I can get by without him it hurts so bad. I know you know this feeling all to well. God bless you & thanks again for your post.

HUGS, Christy

Barbara, I'm so sorry you had to let your husbands truck go back. I know that had to be hard. Every so often I just go and sit in Neal's truck just to smell his smell. But his smell is fading out of his truck and that makes me sad. I have not gone through any of Neal's stuff either. I don't want to nor do I think I could now. I can not believe it has already been 5 months. It seem like it was just yesterday that Neal passed away. People tell me to just give it time. I am so tired of hearing that phrase. I miss him so much. I love my 2 sons and my 3 grandsons dearly, but I just can't see myself ever being ever really happy again with Neal here with me. He was, is and will always be the love of my life. Hugs to you. Linda

Hi back, yes February has/is hard for me...so many things happened in February last year.  Of course try not to carry them with me, but it is difficult.  I really can't wait for February to be over.  I am with you Barb, I so miss Jack, it hurts doesn't it?  Little everyday things that one took for granted and we don't have any more.  Just the laughs, the love, the hugs, the conversations, even the disagreements...they were all wonderful.

I think the one big thing, and I sense an underlying message in so many stories, is the loss of identity, and where do we fit now?  I feel quite "out of place", even around my kids.  Funny feeling really.  We were all out, two young couples, so they had their arms around each other.  How can one not feel jealous of that?  Makes it kind of hard to enjoy yourself.

How old are your children?  My girls are grown up, although their dad always treated them like little ones. 

Well it's been quite the long day, so (I am a tea drinker) I will go and relax for a bit.  

Hang in there and have some good days too....:)  Hugs,

Carol

Hi Barb, just wanted to see how you are doing these past days?  Today here it is wonderful and sunny, however then I just think of my husband who loved the sun, and so I am determined that "we" will enjoy the day today, in his honor because I know he would!

I see you mentioning Nascar...so funny.  My best friend and her husband are down in Ft. Lauderdale watching the race today.  I always went in her husband's Nascar race pool although I don't know a thing about racing! 

My Jack loved cars, but mostly BMW's and 2 months before he passed away we got a BMW convertible.  He loved that car so much but barely had a chance to enjoy it.   Now my daughter drives it mostly. 

I want you to know I think about you, and today I hope you are doing a bit better....:)  Hugs.  Carol