The Arctic Circle

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• published: 07 Apr 2015
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No children, no partner, no work. But you still have to call and check in, of course, to confirm proof of life, your partner tells you with a certain sardonic tone. You obviously have to read emails too, just in case your office forecasts the apocalypse and you aren’t there to say ‘I knew it, I saw it coming’. The modern holiday has become a Living TV documentary, where you board a low-cost flight and head somewhere ‘warm’ to try and get business-grade drunk. There are only a few differences between business drunk and normal drunk: business drunk means it’s still acceptable to drive. Of course, even if you aren’t aiming for a tourist hotspot destination, chances are you will have to encounter the proletariat ‘on tour’ at the airport. Cue the whiskey and narcotics to dull the ache. So, how does one escape the confines of modern life when you are effectively off-grid, but still maintain some semblance of luxury. The team at Off the Map Travel have it all covered. Off the Map organise tailor-made adventure holidays to Canada, Finland, Greenland, Iceland, Malta, Norway, Portugal, Spain and Sweden. They cater for families, couples, groups, honeymooners and, of course, three men in need of an escape into the Arctic Circle. The first decision was who to take on this adventure. And don’t be fooled: travelling into the Arctic Circle is an adventure. The first thing to consider is accommodation. In many cases, this would be tent-based, so you have to think long and hard about who you can bear to share a tent with. Dr Paul Farrow is my oldest friend, which means there is equal measure of laughter and arguments. When two people have known each other for 25-plus years, you really begin to develop a well-honed arsenal of put downs and snide remarks. Think of it this way: a friend will calm you down when you’ve been in a fight or you’re angry; a true friend will skip alongside you with a baseball bat singing ‘someone’s gonna get it’. Paul is that kind of friend. I imagined myself backed into a corner in a bitterly cold forest with a pack of feral wolves baying for blood, armed with nothing more than my camera and perhaps a well-scrimshawed knife. Who would you want there to back you up? Luckily, there weren’t many wolves around, our guide Fredrik told me. Only a few bears. Great. I expect most people like to travel with a group of friends, family, well-known individuals who you know you will have a great time with, and won’t grate on each other. I like to mix this tried-and-tested formula up. James Clarke is The Review’s design writer, arguably wetter behind the ears than a recently-graduated art student when it comes to travel writing. He is our official wood-botherer. A fine drinks’ cabinet, walk-in wardrobe, or perhaps that walnut desk, James is your man. He is also a thrill-seeker and all round weekend warrior. Someone who I know, when presented with a last minute exhilarating opportunity, will drop any and all to attend. Going aurora spotting in the forests of Northern Sweden seemed like it would be right in his grain. Nothing but wood as far as the eye can see, and a fully-charged iPhone with Instagram at the ready. To read all Peter Robinson's musings on the trip go to: http://www.thereviewmag.co.uk/the-arctic-circle/