FC Zenit St Petersburg 2-0 Rangers

No gloating. No piss taking. No ha ha on the blog.

In its simplest terms, R*ngers did not do enough tonight to deserve to win the Uefa Cup. Don't believe me? Think I would say that, anyway? Just look how R*ngers own fans reacted after Zenit's first goal went in.

Just under twenty minutes to play and the deathly silence and resigned resignation - yep, resigned resignation - was palpable 3500 miles away in Brooklyn. If R*ngers fans were ever considered the 'twelfth man' for the club, Walter Smith should put them on the transfer list tomorrow morning when he gets back to Ibrox. Shocked at how they didn't try and gee up their team.

R*ngers played better in the second half, but they never really deserved to get a sniff of the game. Kirk Broadfoot was a lucky hunny bunny with that stonewall pen at the end of the first half, and Ferguson was kidding himself with that penalty claim in the second half.

What does it mean for the rest of R*ngers season? Well, they were neither robbed nor spanked - and that meteorite was a no show - so they're still red hot favourites to win the domestic treble.

Kirk Rabbitfoot

Oh my, that was a stonewall penalty. Broadfoot's red face gave it away after the event.

Unless R*ngers win by two clear goals - and I don't mean on penalties - that will be a talking point if it's Ferguson whose lifting that trophy that Denis Law was struggling with before the game. (How's that for a convoluted sentence construction.)

Hunchester

R*ngers fans queuing in a disorderly fashion for their daily ration of buckfast at Piccadilly Gardens in Manchester city centre earlier today.

Joking aside, if you like very closely at the top left hand corner of the pic you'll see my younger brother. He's tall, dark, good looking and looks nothing like me.

Yeah, the family secret is out: my half-brother is a bluenose. Half the family is. I'm torn and conflicted about this sad state of affairs. I'm caught between pitying them and sending them a bottle of Russian vodka come tonight, when Zenit overruns R*ngers in the final.

What's a person to do?

Temporary Autonomous FC Zenit Saint Petersburg Fan Zone?

As the Motherwell TAZ post falls off the bottom of the page, I prompted to ask myself if I can bring myself to try this TAZ lark again with tonight's game?

On the previous two occasions I've tried it, I've come unstuck. Does that qualify as blogging hubris or just bastard bad luck? And tonight's final is a bit of a special case in that it is Gazprom poster boys versus R*ngers. A case of the unacceptable face of capitalism versus the unacceptable face of Glasgow's south side.

Bottom line to ask myself is what's the best result tonight for Celtic's outside chance of retaining the SPL title? I can think of three possible scenarios:

Option A R*ngers winning tonight's final, and in their best fashion being consumed by their very own hubris which will result in them coming unstuck against Motherwell and St Mirren in the league.

Option B Zenit Saint Petersburg do what they did against Leverkusen and Munich in the previous rounds in tonight's final, and a crestfallen R*ngers trudge back north only to come unstuck against Motherwell, St Mirren, Aberdeen and Queen of the South in the coming weeks.

Option C A meteorite hits the middle of the pitch at the City of Manchester Stadium, and Barry Ferguson, David Weir and Nacho Novo fall into the resultant crater. Ferguson is out for the rest of the season with cruciate ligament damage after his knee smashes into Novo's new gnashers. Weir, conscious of the fact that he isn't getting any younger, decides that this is as good a burial plot as any and refuses to leave the crater. He asks that wreaths be sent to Little's Funeral Service Home on the Paisley Road West Road.

The referee decides that his only option is to postpone the game. This despite Walter Smith's protestation that his R*ngers team has never used the middle of any pitch and why should they start now? The new crop of injuries coupled with R*ngers adding to their current backlog of fixtures forces Walter Smith's hand and he has to give Thomas Buffel a game in the season run-in. Rangers come unstuck against Motherwell, St Mirren, Aberdeen and Queen of the South . . . and barn doors the length and breadth of Scotland release a collective sigh of relief.

If it's about Celtic doing the impossible, and snatching championship victory from the jaws of Ibroxian mediocrity, I'll have to go with option a as the best possible scenario.

The blog's hexed ye.

Temporary Autonomous Fiorentina Fan Zone

I've got a bad feeling about this. I'd resigned myself to the fact that R*ngers would probably win the domestic treble this year, but winning the UEFA Cup as well? That's just taking the piss.

Fiorentina, it's up to you. I'm not asking much. Just a for a last minute equaliser by Viera at Ibrox, and for Mutu to score three or four in the return leg (on May Day, no less) at the Stadio Artemio Franchi.

Always had a soft spot for 'La viola', anyway. No, sorry that should have read: I've always had a sweet tooth for parma violets.