Technophile: Is that, like, a virtual reality machine?!
Empiricist: Um, I think it’s a tanning booth.
–Portfino Sun and Beauty Spa, 37th & 3rd
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They’ll Have Their Own Reality Show within a Year
Man yelling from upper floor: Bitch! You lucky I can’t come down there and beat yo’ ass!
Woman yelling up from street: That’s why yo’ ass is in there!
–Brooklyn House of Detention for Men
Overheard by: Jimbo Jones
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Children Shouldn’t Be Kicked at All
Girl #1: You want to hear something crazy? My sister, you know she’s pregnant with her second kid, right? The baby’s due date is the same exact day as her first kid’s birthday.
Girl #2: That’s so crazy. Maybe they only kick it once a year.
–6 train
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Those Wacky Homeless
Hobo: It’s not like I even mean to keep talking. I don’t wanna keep talking. They fucked up when they started making Taco Bell Doritos. They take away the molasses! Why? Because they know I like it. I smoked crack with the FBI. Hasta la vista, nigger. Next time I see you, I’m gonna blow crack smoke into your head, you fucking bitch. –W Train
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Straight Guys Generally Regret Pursuing This Line of Questioning
Queer: Wow, he’s cute.
Straight guy: Yeah… So, do you want to fuck him?
Queer: No, I want him to fuck me.
–Central Park
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We Prefer the Blue Wall of Silence
Drunk guy #1: I'm a cop, you idiot!
Drunk guy #2: You're a cop, you fucking bastard?
Drunk guy #1: I'm a cop, you idiot!
Drunk guy #2: You're a fucking cop?!
Drunk guy #1: I'm a cop, you idiot!
Drunk guy #3: I'm a cop you idiot! It's not a tumor!
–3rd Ave & 92nd St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Mallory
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Um, Didn't He Once Throw a Phone at His Assistant?
20-something girl, holding SpongeBob Square Pants playing cards: Look at the cards I'm getting!
Friend, shrieking and shaking: But I hate SpongeBob!
Woman, walking by: Why? He's nice.
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: Anna
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When Amy Doesn’t Understand Something, She Faints
Columbia professor [having just explained a relatively simple concept, turning to girl in front]: Do you understand this?
Girl: Yes.
Professor: Good. Because, you know, you’re really the canary in the coal mine for this class. If I can get you to get this, I’m set.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Bobby
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That's Ten Seconds I'll Never Get Back
Woman to cab driver who just stopped: Oh, we're not looking for a taxi.
Cab driver: Fuck you, you fucking bitch! (drives away)
–Broadway & Grand St.
Overheard by: aaaa
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Nobody Voted For Lex, Though
In Superman Returns, Lex Luthor is explaining his plans for attaining huge amounts of land, power, and wealth at the expense of billions of people’s lives. Man, shouting: George Bush! –Magic Johnson/AMC Theater, 124th St. Overheard by: S
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