Tattoo by Manuel Vázquez Montalbán (Serpent's Tail 1976)

'It's a metaphor. And a very appropriate one. What is a policeman if not a sociologist?'

Inspector Israel agreed. He stepped into the footlights for his moment of fame.

'That's true. A sociologist and a psychologist.'

'You see? Well, a permissive society like ours is bound to cause some mental confusion in your compatriots. They suddenly find they have sex and politics within easy reach.'

'But sex is expensive for all immigrants.'

'Exactly right. It's within reach, but they can't always get their hands on it. That creates a great sense of frustration, which unfortunately it is not our job to resolve. And then there's the political question. You know that here in Holland we are extremely tolerant towards any attitude that does not directly go against our constitution. We even have Trotskyists here, Mr Carvalho. But a Dutch Trotskyist has the immense advantage of being born in Holland. So first and foremost he is a Dutchman, and his Trotskyist behaviour will not go beyond acceptable limits. But can you imagine a Spanish Trotskyist, anarchist or even a communist in Holland? Can you imagine him trying to convert his politically starved comrades? We have to keep a much closer eye on every Spanish, Greek or Turkish activist than we do on a hundred Dutchmen. It would make a fascinating job for you. Above all, classifying the different ideologies and tendencies. Assessing how important they are: that way we would know exactly how your compatriots are evolving politically. Once we knew that, we could make sure they were pointed in the right direction, and that they came to no harm by doing things that were against the grain.'

Off Side by Manuel Vázquez Montalbán (Melville International Crime 1989)

'Are you suggesting that we're going to start seeing irrational motiveless killings, like in the United States?'

'Why not? We already have psychiatrists and private detectives, so I don't see why we can't have mad murderers too. And here it could be even worse, because at least in the USA they still put up an appearance of believing in God. They go to church on Sundays, and feel themselves part of a chosen people. But you don't have that in Spain. Religion of any kind, whether political or otherwise, has disappeared. The only thing that we have left, by way of communion of the saints, is nationalism.'

'Is that what makes you a nationalist?'

'It's the most gratifying thing that a person can be, and the least concrete, particularly if you are, as I am, a non-independentist nationalist. Politics is a curious thing in Catalonia. We have a situation where power is shared between socialists who don't believe in socialism, and nationalists who don't believe in national independence. The whole thing's ripe for lone operators to take over, and when you look at the likes of young Camps O'Shea, the prospect becomes even more alarming. That man has no conscience, no epic memory, no life-project other than going out and winning, without even knowing what he wants to win at, or whom he wants to beat.'

'And how are we supposed to deal with these lone killers?'

'Arrest them while they've still got their guns in their holsters, or if they've got them out, shoot them before they get the chance to shoot first.'

'And what if they manage to do their killing?'

'Turn up for the funeral.'

'You're a big man in this city. Big men in big cities get there because they have more information at their fingertips than the rest of the population.'

'I gather you're implying that I haven't told you everything I know. Don't be naive. I know that you have to buy people and I know whom to buy. And that's the extent of it.'

The Two Souls of Glasgow

A quote from Lionel Messi from earlier this season:

“It’s incredible,” Messi told the Spanish newspaper, Sport. “Rangers didn’t want to play football. They practised antifootball from the first minute and it’s a shame we couldn’t take victory because we created a good number of chances. We just didn’t put them away. I think that when they come to the Nou Camp everything is going to be very different.

“We need to find a solution for breaking down a team who close down so much, but I don’t believe we will come across many teams who play this way.”

[From the London Times.]

Celtic go down fighting against Barcelona. Yep, they were dominated and the better team won and all that jazz but at least they gave it a go and they'll do the same at the Nou Camp in the return leg. And I did love Red Robbo's stop-start looping header.

And hit tip to the Scottish Patient for correctly predicting the scoreline . . . sort of.

"From Boston to Broxburn . . . "

I hope the ESPN commentators are talking about Boston, Lincolnshire. Could there really be any R*ngers supporters in 'Baw-stun', Massachusetts?

It's half way through the second half at Ibrox, and Barcelona are absolutely murdering R*ngers nil-nil. The last time I saw this much one sided possession, it involved Pete Doherty and Elisabeth Hasselbeck (The drug jokes don't work.)

RefereeWatch at Ibrox: it looks like Saturday morning all over again. Barcelona are denied a stone wall penalty in the last few minutes of the first half when Hutton blocks a Ronaldinho shot with his hand. It's not for me to say whether or not it was a deliberate, but within seconds of the incident, Hutton received a text message from Alex McLeish inviting him to join his next squad as Scotland's third choice goalkeeper. (The football jokes don't work either.)

"Most referees would have given a penalty in that situation." opines the wee Irish guy - He could be 6ft 8in for all I know. He sounds like a wee munchkin on helium - who regularly does the Champions League commentary on ESPN. I'll hazard a guess that neither him nor ESPN cover a lot of R*ngers games at Ibrox.

The Dark Side are going to nick something from this game.