So you're telling me that not even US pop queen Kate Perry can lift Richard Umber's Myer out of the retail doldrums?
Maybe it's time for the department store to admit that no amount of lady luck – think Jennifer Hawkins spruiking the $4.10 a share float in 2009 – can make up for the fact that the entire sector is looking like retail road kill in the current environment.
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Myer cuts profit guidance
Myer has cut its net profit after tax forecast for the fiscal 2017 year. Vision courtesy ABC News
Myer's shares hit a fresh low of 73¢ on Thursday after announcing the latest profit downgrade.
And no one would have been more disappointed than retail billionaire, Solomon Lew, who raided the share register in March, buying an 11 per cent stake for $101 million.
He could buy the same shares today at a $40 million discount.
Would Solly be tempted to pick up the remainder of the department store that is currently worth a measly $600 million?
Coincidentally, this is the exact sum that Umbers planned to spend over five years to turn around the underperforming Myer.
"We believe that the new Myer strategy is a sustainable business model that will enable us to maintain and improve our competitive position and return the business to sustainable profit growth in the coming years," said the ever-hopeful Umbers back in 2015.
That announcement included the news Myer was buying into Topshop – the same investment that has now been written off entirely along with the fast fashion group's concessions in Myer.
Umber's business as usual demeanour was not helped by the departure of his key lieutenant, fellow Brit and former Burberry executive, Daniel Bracken.
The interesting rumour around the lunch tables in Melbourne was that Bracken is not being poached by David Jones – as has been the recent fashion – but could instead be showing up in a role at Amazon's Australian operations.
It comes as the US retail giant advertises management and operations roles on job classifieds website Seek which seem to confirm Amazon's fulfillment warehouse will be based in Melbourne's southeast.
One advertisement for an area manager role, located in Melbourne's bayside and south eastern suburbs, says employees must be prepared to work in a facility "over a quarter mile [0.4 kilometres] in length".
It appears the US company may have settled on a warehouse in Dandenong which fulfils its requirements for a massive 25000-square-metre space.
Follow CBD on Twitter. Got a tip? ckruger@fairfaxmedia.com.au
with Ebony Bowden