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So you're telling me that not even US pop queen Kate Perry can lift Richard Umber's Myer out of the retail doldrums?
Maybe it's time for the department store to admit that no amount of lady luck – think Jennifer Hawkins spruiking the $4.10 a share float in 2009 – can make up for the fact that the entire sector is looking like retail road kill in the current environment.
Tesla CEO Elon Musk says he won "verbal" government approval to build the world's longest tunnel for an ultra-high-speed hyperloop line to connect New York to Washington.
A Swedish rail operator has vowed to name one of its trains "Trainy McTrainface" after the British government rejected the name Boaty McBoatface for a polar research ship.
The US slapped a $2 million fine on energy giant Exxon Mobil for deals it made with the head of Russian oil company Rosneft that violated sanctions. The deals happened when Secretary of State Rex Tillerson still ran the company.
Speaking at the Melbourne Institute economic outlook conference, Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull says economic change has brought better living standards for everyone. Vision courtesy ABC News
"We believe that the new Myer strategy is a sustainable business model that will enable us to maintain and improve our competitive position and return the business to sustainable profit growth in the coming years," said the ever-hopeful Umbers back in 2015.
Not even Katy Perry's star power has lifted Myer Photo: Jessica Hromas
That announcement included the news Myer was buying into Topshop – the same investment that has now been written off entirely along with the fast fashion group's concessions in Myer.
Umber's business as usual demeanour was not helped by the departure of his key lieutenant, fellow Brit and former Burberry executive, Daniel Bracken.
The interesting rumour around the lunch tables in Melbourne was that Bracken is not being poached by David Jones – as has been the recent fashion – but could instead be showing up in a role at Amazon's Australian operations.
It comes as the US retail giant advertises management and operations roles on job classifieds website Seek which seem to confirm Amazon's fulfillment warehouse will be based in Melbourne's southeast.
One advertisement for an area manager role, located in Melbourne's bayside and south eastern suburbs, says employees must be prepared to work in a facility "over a quarter mile [0.4 kilometres] in length".