Paris, Friday. Donald Trump is leafing through his trusted tome, 50 Most Awkward Handshakes Through History (September 2016 edition).
"Melania, Melania! Stop watching The Handmaid's Tale and help me. I need to make sure I have at least three entries in the next edition of this book," the US President says to his wife in their suite at the five-star hotel that lost the ballot to host the First Couple.
More World News Videos
- Video duration
- 01:24
The most awkward handshake yet?
The most awkward handshake yet?
Donald Trump's handshake with French president Macron could possibly his most awkward to date.
Up Next
Sensational US refugee deal claim
- Video duration
- 01:00
- Video duration
- 01:00
Sensational US refugee deal claim
Sensational US refugee deal claim
The UN Refugee Agency says the Australian government is not honouring an agreement to allow some asylum seekers on Manus Island and Nauru to be settled in Australia.
Up Next
Doco marks anniversary of Princess Di's death
- Video duration
- 01:31
- Video duration
- 01:31
Doco marks anniversary of Princess Di's ...
Doco marks anniversary of Princess Di's death
Princes William and Harry talk about their late mother ahead of the 20th anniversary of her death in new HBO documentary.
Up Next
US lawmakers reach deal on Russia sanctions bill
- Video duration
- 01:14
- Video duration
- 01:14
US lawmakers reach deal on Russia ...
US lawmakers reach deal on Russia sanctions bill
The legislation allows for new sanctions against Russia, as well as Iran and North Korea.
Up Next
Aussie spider scares UK removalists
- Video duration
- 00:43
- Video duration
- 00:43
Aussie spider scares UK removalists
Aussie spider scares UK removalists
A large huntsman spider described as being the "size of a guinea pig", survives a three-month journey from Brisbane inside a family's shipping container.
Up Next
Eight found dead in truck trailer in Texas
- Video duration
- 01:09
- Video duration
- 01:09
Eight found dead in truck trailer in Texas
Eight found dead in truck trailer in Texas
RAW VISION: Officials called to a Walmart parking lot in San Antonio found several people dead and at least 20 others in dire condition in the back of a tractor-trailer, in what police are calling a case of immigrant smuggling.
Up Next
Scaramucci vows to stop White House leaks
- Video duration
- 01:18
- Video duration
- 01:18
Scaramucci vows to stop White House leaks
Scaramucci vows to stop White House leaks
The White House's new communications director avoids questions about the deletion of his old tweets criticising the president.
Up Next
Search for missing Melburnian in Canada ends
- Video duration
- 00:38
- Video duration
- 00:38
Search for missing Melburnian in Canada ...
Search for missing Melburnian in Canada ends
Teams have called off the search for Sophie Dowsley, who went missing in the Canadian wilderness on July 8.
The most awkward handshake yet?
Donald Trump's handshake with French president Macron could possibly his most awkward to date.
"Oh, Donald, you have at least four years, maybe eight, to get in that book."
"Do I?"
The President flicks from page to page, wildly gesticulating as he tries to mimic some of the most #awkward greetings of all time.
DT: "Oh wow, Melania, I will have to really pull out my best work if I'm going to knock that three-way between Tony Abbott, Shinzo Abe and He Who Shall Not Be Named off top spot."
MT: "You mean the G20 greeting with President Ob..."
President Barack Obama. Photo: Andrew Meares
DT: "STOP! We have spoken about this. His name is President Before Me, or President five syllables. DO NOT speak his name."
MT: "Yes, Mr President."
Trump thinks, his Cheezel-coloured complexion turning more orange as beads of sweat appear around his forehead.
He has to get back at that Emmanuel Macaroni, or whatever his name is, for that wimpish attempt to out handshake him in Brussels before NATO.
The Brussels shake Photo: AP
That "yank and pull" arm grab with Mrs Macaroni ... that was just the warm-up act.
Donald Trump with Brigitte Macron in France Photo: AP
Yes, he thinks, this one will be his finest handshake yet.
It has to be on foot, outdoors and preferably with The Wives.
He will go in first with a strong shake to the French President, maybe 12 seconds, show him who's the Leader of the Free World (and French fries).
(Plan B: If Macron goes in with a sneaky hand on top, revert to the sneaky hand tap to flip the power grip.)
Then, a slap to the president's chest with his left hand, followed by a grab of the shoulder of The Wife. Keep holding Macron's hand. Kiss the wife (his, not Melania).
The world's most awkward handshake? Photo: AAP
Quickly, he'll transfer his oversized Cheezel hands to The French Wife. (Did you know she's 64? She's in such good shape.)
At this point, the French president will probably want to end this with a hand to my two hands holding her two hands. Are you following? Good.
Finally, a grip to Mr Macaroni's hand, a double pat and then let go. USA 1: France 0.
That's it. A 30-second handshake involving no fewer than six manouevres. Take that, Tony Abbott, Shinzo and the other guy.
OMG @chrislhayes playing the Benny Hill theme song to the sped-up Trump-Macron handshake I'M DYING LOLLERPOPS GENIUS #inners
— cristina gargoyl (@cristinagargoyL) July 15, 2017
please some foreign leader or spouse buy a novelty arm for the Trump Handshake so when he yanks it just comes off
— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) July 13, 2017
2 comments
New User? Sign up