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England wicketkeeper Sarah Taylor winning battle with anxiety at World Cup

James Buckley
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England wicketkeeper Sarah Taylor's journey from the depths of unrelenting anxiety to her reinstated standing as a cricket superstar shows there can be light at the end of one of the darkest tunnels haunting professional sport.

Her story is not uncommon in the sporting arena – the crippling panic of anxiety often triggered by an overwhelming fear of failure which leads to taking an indefinite break from sport, and often retirement.

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But Taylor sought help last year, had cognitive behavioural therapy and slowly worked her way back into the England team. Six games into a World Cup she has blasted 297 elegant runs and resumed her place as arguably the world's best wicketkeeper in the women's game.

"It's nice to be back – it's the place where I feel the most comfortable," Taylor told the BBC after scoring an unbeaten 74 earlier in the tournament.

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"There was one point out in the middle when I realised that this is why I am back and playing.

"I'm happy to play. That's probably the position I'm in at the minute."

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Taylor said she had been suffering from anxiety for four years before taking an indefinite break for what she described simply as a "mental injury".

So bad were her panic attacks, she would occasionally need to race to the change rooms and throw up while padded up waiting for her opportunity to bat.

"You have to hit the bottom of the pool in order to swim up," Taylor said when explaining her reasons for stepping away from cricket.

"I'd like to think I've hit the bottom of the pool in the last month or so.

"At its worst, it's a panic attack. On a cricket field it happened mainly when I was about to bat, the expectation of wanting to score runs was the hardest. The nerves would hit me but it would be nerves plus something else.

"I was always confused as to what it was but now I know. It's a genuine kind of panic. The heart races, you kind of feel faint, those are things I go through.

"Obviously my cricket has been affected massively, but ultimately my personal life has been affected more. My day-to-day battles are huge."

She returned to the England side in April this year, was named in the England World Cup squad soon after and has been one of the tournament's best.

"The biggest bonus is having her back full stop. She never really expected to be in this position," England coach Mark Robinson said.

"The thing that we always talk about with her is it's just a bonus her being here, everything you do and everything you achieve is extra really.

"It's just trying to allow her to work day by day. It's mental health at the end of the day, we check in with her, we make sure she's OK, we take nothing for granted."

England captain Heather Knight was also delighted to have Taylor back. She noticed in the T20 World Cup in March last year that there was a problem, during a tournament where Taylor's struggles caught up with her on the field and she only posted 49 runs through five innings.

"That T20 World Cup in India she was very different and she wasn't quite herself and it was quite noticeable so to have her back as a person where she is very smiley, she's always doing her impressions and being quite funny around the group, it's lovely to have her back," Knight said.

"From the cricket, it's great to have her back in the team and doing well. She's a player I love watching from the other end and batting with her. It's lovely to have her back and performing well in an England strip."

Taylor's tale provides hope to not only the thousands suffering anxiety across the professional sporting world, but the one in five Australians who suffer from mental health in any given year.

Those numbers are even higher in Britain – one in four adults are likely to have a mental health problem in any given year, and three-quarters of those go untreated.

Australian sporting superstars Lance Franklin and Greg Inglis have publicly battled mental illness in recent times, while AFL quartet Josh Gibson, Tom Boyd, Travis Cloke and Alex Fasolo have all revealed their struggles this year.

Ex-GWS Giant Tom Downie gave the sport away earlier this year due to the crippling anxiety that had infiltrated his football.

He wrote last month about the moment it all came to a head during a pre-season game earlier this year.

"We went back out to our positions for the second half. I was playing up forward. It took only a few minutes before it all became too much," Downie described.

"My breathing suddenly became shallow and I was no longer in control of my body. I froze for a few seconds, completely overwhelmed.

"After regrouping myself I desperately made a charge for the bench. Getting to the other side of that white line was the most satisfying feeling I felt all day. I had avoided the fear of making a fool of myself."

Not every story progresses along the lines of Taylor's but she has emerged as a beacon of hope in a world where sports stars are under more scrutiny than ever before.

"I've learnt that the person I became over the last three or four years wasn't me. I wasn't being honest with myself. That was the biggest step for me, to actually come out and admit it," Taylor said in an ECB interview upon her return to cricket.

"I was able to get the help that I needed. Anyone who is struggling, I would suggest talking about it because the more people who understand the better.

"It's now just a case of putting a lot of strategies in place to cope with day-to-day tasks and cricket.

"If you have a look at my last 12 months it's been a rollercoaster of anxiety from day-to-day stuff to my return to cricket. It's been very graduated.

"I'm not the finished article. New places are still a struggle for me and I still have to push through those on a day-to-day basis. Where I'm most comfortable is out in the middle.

"Those small tasks, they will come. I've made great strides to be able to be in the position I am now."

❏ Support is available for those who may be distressed by phoning Lifeline 13 11 14; Mensline 1300 789 978; Kids Helpline 1800 551 800; beyondblue 1300 224 636.

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