I read an article this morning about how to build an audience on the internet. People on the internet, it said, don’t want a lot of fancy explanations and preambles. They just want to get in, get the information, and get out. People on the internet don’t need to know why you’re introducing something in a certain way, or where you’re thinking about going with it. They just want facts. Sure, you can offer them an extended summary of a point you took in somewhere, or drone on and on about what they want or don’t want, but they don’t want that. Nobody likes being told things, unless those things are about Lindsay Lohan’s nail polish and the title of the blog post is “10 Things You Need to Know About Lindsay Lohan’s Nail Polish.” And that’s how we do things around The Run of Play: no wasted space, no dillying around the point, just 14 words per line in three-line paragraphs that correctly make use of your “F-shaped” scanning patterns to divert your attention to the most important points. Like, maybe Lindsay Lohan’s nail polish has a tiny picture of Che Guevara in it, or maybe she’s using it to pass codes to the Russians. I don’t know. I do not have that information. I have failed you on this one, internet.
But that’s a rare lapse, and there’s a reason for it. To prove my point, here’s some raw data that I’m not going to filter or interpret for you at all. Please, just dive headfirst into this freezing pond of knowledge. It’ll be icy, it’ll be painful, but you won’t care. You’re only here because you know we cater to speed.
So read this: Posting around these parts will be sparse for the next couple of weeks, because we are on vacation, and just as Coleen Rooney can’t be expected to pen brilliant children’s novels while she’s recharging in Barbados, we can’t be expected to care about Alex Ferguson while we’re acting out the lyrics to “Lush Life” in Charleston, SC (or whatever). The world has somehow had to rein in its desire for more novels from Coleen Rooney, and in exactly the same way, you will have to master your longing for more caring about Alex Ferguson from us. In a couple of weeks, when our hot-air-balloon tour of the Pyrenees touches down, we’ll go back to caring, and to giving you the bullet-point lists you crave. It will almost not even feel like reading, I promise.
Read More: Schedule Update
by Brian Phillips · July 16, 2010
Noooo! Looks like I just had to go back and re-read all my copies of the”Jughead” comics until RoP returns.
Why does he like hamburgers so much!?!??!
@Free Beer Movement See, that’s the difference between RoP and Archie Comics. We’d just tell you. We’d just get in there, and bam, page one, he likes hamburgers because his uncle had a hamburger stand before the military coup ruined his family’s fortunes. Now they preserve a faint memory of happier times. End of story, end of series, you’re welcome, internet.
So wrong, Brian. Did you see the look on poor Jughead’s face when Archie proposed to Veronica? Trust me, JH was eating some serious unrequited feelings for Riverdale’s ginger tressed bad boy, a theme all too often expressed, albeit a little cryptically, in many of the Archie titles.
Hurry back, B. I just started to follow your blog thanks to the shout out in NY Magazine, and I’m really enjoying it. Fingers crossed that Colleen gets out her next kid’s book before Madge (Whatever happened to her seven kid’s books? I think Madge stopped at three)
I am glad that you did not link to that referenced article. If there is one thing that the internet should show is that there is a diversity in writing styles and what people are looking for.
I’m so happy you’re taking a break Brian.
Not because I don’t want to read what you’ve got to say, but because you’ve been working your socks off.
Take it easy my friend.
But what about Lindsay Lohan’s nail polish? Was it red? You suck at the internet Brian FYI
Selfish. That’s the one word that comes to mind here. Vacation? C’mon Brian.
I haz a sad. /too old for lolcatspeak
@Brian Phillips You know…. I got into the newer Jughead comics and they’re not the same. Soooo PC. He’s always trying to get those veggie burgers now. Come on!
Enjoy your holidays. We’ll be right here expecting the next post! Regards from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil!
Good sir,
I have recently acquired a taste for this blog. Unfortunately for me and my palates, I will be going into a severe withdrawl throughout the duration of your repose. Do come back soon, we shall all miss you grandly.
Wishing for your swift return,
-Sir Nony
Just had my vacation to find that you are now having yours..oh how my world crumbles whilst your sun shines (hopefully anyway!).
Looking forward to much more of your ramblings.