A friend was telling me about her big South American trip. How she trekked to the top of Machu Picchu, cycled the salt flats of Bolivia, danced the tango in Buenos Aires, caught a cruise ship to Antarctica, marched alongside the emperor penguins, then finished up in Tierra del Fuego, which she pronounced correctly as "Tierra del Fwwego" like a big dopey Spanish baby.
I listened to the whole story then said, "So what movie did you watch on the flight home?" And she said "What?" and I said, "Did you see any good movies on the plane?" And she said "Uhhhh…. I saw La La Land." And I said "Wow. I didn't mind it. What did you think?" She stared at me, shook her head, then marched off like an emperor penguin trying to escape a discover Antarctica onshore tour-group.
![Machu Picchu, Peru. Meh. Been there, done that.](http://web.archive.org./web/20171228235222im_/https://www.fairfaxstatic.com.au/content/dam/images/g/u/s/x/v/l/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.gvtpup.png/1495594896536.jpg)
That's all I want to know when people tell me their travel stories: what were the movies on the plane? What were the inflight meal options? And did they get a Magnum ice-cream before landing? Because I'm travel-story-numb, I'm travel-unimpressible: there are too many people travelling now. Too many articles about top ten travel destinations. Too many TV travel shows hosted by flabby out-of-work British comedians wearing pink shirts with armpit sweat patches.
Travel is no big deal anymore: it's too easy – you just buy a cheap ticket, grab an e-visa, download some travel apps, then you're there, sitting at the swim-up bar in a resort pool having your feet massaged by an underwater pedicurist named Ongg.
![<p>](http://web.archive.org./web/20171228235222im_/https://www.fairfaxstatic.com.au/content/dam/images/g/l/l/a/0/5/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.gvtpup.png/1493368991710.jpg)
Photo: Frederique Olivier/Australian Antarctic Division
Overseas travel used to to be a very big deal. Hardly anybody did it: it was too expensive, too complicated, too ethnic. My family were lucky enough to travel a lot because of dad's job: he's a geologist so he got sent around the world to look at rocks and tap on them with his geological pick-hammer (yep that's an actual job).
![PHOTO by?Kashif Mardani No smoking](http://web.archive.org./web/20171228235222im_/http://www.smh.com.au/content/dam/images/g/v/t/r/q/v/image.imgtype.articleLeadwide.620x349.png/1493268771878.png)
Photo: Kashif Mardani
And he'd take the whole family with him, using university money: us kids were his "Metamorphic Petrology Research Undergrads", and mum was his "Pick-Polisher" (best not to ask). But that was real travel. No comfy planes and inflight entertainment: these were overpriced bumpy puke-tubes with two sections – smoking and also-smoking-because-the-smoke-won't-stay-in-the-smoking-section.
And for entertainment, a colouring-in book with three pencils, and games of PLO I-Spy ("I spy with my little eye, a bearded passenger with a possible anti-Zionist agenda"). No Airbnb or hotel websites: your accommodation was all guesswork, your bookings were un-confirmable, your rooms were paid for with travellers cheques using your children as bond, refundable in 10 working days.
No travel apps or GPS: you had to learn new languages, memorise currency rates, walk around with gigantic fold-out paper maps that could never be folded back up again and flapped in your face like an unfurled tent. No easy online visas: you had to apply for a visa several months in advance then pick it up from an embassy in another country that you applied for a visa to get into several months before.
![xxxx](http://web.archive.org./web/20171228235222im_/http://www.smh.com.au/content/dam/images/g/v/t/q/l/a/image.imgtype.articleLeadwide.620x349.png/1493267545238.png)
Whoops, sorry about that!
And when you got back from your trip, you invited all your friends round for a big three-hour slideshow, clicking through thousands of out-of-focus photos, going, "And here we are at the Ganges River. CLICK … and this is the Taj Mahal, whoops, upside down… CLICK… and here we are at the Ganges River, whoops, went backwards…" Everyone loved it: those were the times when travel stories really impressed.
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