December 2011: this section isn’t being updated anymore, but for more punk and anarchist humor, see riotjoke.
October 2013: You may also wish to peruse this website for humorous things.
Q: Why don’t anarchists take milk in their tea?
A: Because proper tea is theft!
[Traditional British anarchist joke]
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Q: What do you call an anarchist in graduate school?
A: An autonomist marxist
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A: Why are there so many marxist graduate students?
Q: Because being a professor is one of their only opportunities to become a Communist bureaucrat.
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q: why do anarchists write in lower-case?
a: because they are anti-capitalists!!
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FARC + CNT = narcosyndicalism
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Q: How do you save a drowning Nazi skinhead?
A: Throw them an anchor!
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LIGHT-BULB JOKES
Q: How many Nazi skins does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Ten. One to do it, and nine to back him up..
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Q: How many CrimethInc’ers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: We were standing on the roof of the squat, watching the city burn in a convulsion of our ecstatic desire..
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Q: How many riot grrrls does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two; one to change the bulb, and another to write a fanzine about it.
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Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One to fill the bathtub with obsolete machine parts and two to write a manifesto.
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A: How many Situationists does it change a lightbulb?
Q: Three. One to write a essay considering if changing a lightbulb can be considered ‘authentic play’, another to write a scathing critique of the essay, and the third to expel the other two.
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Videos:
“Reading and Time: A dialectic between academic expectation and academic frustration”
“The Iron Fist of Facebook Power”
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On Ellis Island, an elderly eastern European man is being processed for immigration into the United States. He stands before the desk of the immigration officer who loudly asks him, without looking up: ‘Do you advocate the overthrow of the United States Government by subversion or violence?’ The old man mulls it over for a few seconds, then answers: ‘VIOLENCE!’
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An old revolutionary walks across the Brooklyn Bridge one day, and he sees man of a similar age standing on the edge, about to jump. He runs over and says: “Stop, don’t do it!”
“Why shouldn’t I?” he asks.
“Well, there’s so much to live for!”
“I’m just depressed, I’ve been a Communist all my life and the revolution seems as far away as ever.”
“You’re a Communist?”
“Yeah, why?”
“I am as well!! Did you originally join the Communist Party USA?”
“Yeah.”
“Me too! Did you join the pro-Trotsky Communist League of America in 1928, which later merged.with the American Workers Party to form the Workers Party of America in 1934?”
“Yeah.”
“Spooky, me too! After the WPA was expelled from the Socialist Party of America in 1936, did you then go on to join the Socialist Workers Party USA and the Fourth International?”
“I did, actually!”
“Me too! In the 1940 dispute did you side with Cannon or Shachtman?”
“Cannon.”
“Me too! In 1962 did you join Robertson’s opposition caucus, the Revolutionary Tendency?”
“Yep.”
“Holy shit! And of course like me you were expelled and went on to join the International Communist League (Spartacist)”
“Well, that goes without saying!”
“In 1985 did you join the International Bolshevik Tendency who claimed that the Sparts have degenerated into an “obedience cult””
“No way!”
“Nah, me neither. In 1998 did you join the Internationalist Group after the Permanent Revolution Faction were expelled from the ICL?”
“Yeah! I can’t believe this! Maybe I won’t kill myself after all.”
“Die counterrevolutionary scum!” he yells, and pushes him off the edge.
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Comparative Politics: The Jews / Zionists / Israel Lobby
Christian Right: The Jews/Zionists/Israel Lobby are our allies that we are happy to bench warm for us in Jerusalem until the second coming of Christ when they will be forced to accept Jesus as their Lord along with the Muslims.
Paleoconservative Right: The Jews/Zionists/Israel Lobby are necessary for maintaining a military footing in the Middle-East as we strive to help our friends the Saudis. We just wish they wouldn’t try to join our clubs.
Neoconservative Right: The Jews/Zionists/Israel Lobby support the only Democracy in the Middle East and will serve as the central hub of expansionist Democracy building (bombings, occupations, invasions).
White Supremacist Right: The Jews/Zionists/Israel Lobby are allied with the mud races to emasculate and destroy the white man.
Conspiracist Right: The Jews/Zionists/Israel Lobby are actually alien reptiles from outer space. Somehow or another they took over the Masons and the British royal family as well. They need to get back into their spaceships and go home.
Democratic Party: The Jews/Zionists/Israel Lobby have a right to lobby and support us with their donations. We support all foundation work that maintains the status quo in Israel/Palestine.
Libertarian Nationalists/Ron Paul: The Jews/Zionists/Israel Lobby are weakening our national sovereignty and stealing our tax dollars for their dual loyalist agenda. White nationalist righties and teabaggers are welcome to join us but keep it on the downlow.
Liberal Nationalists/Mearsheimer/Walt: The Jews/Zionists/Israel Lobby are weakening our national sovereignty by using our tax dollars for their dual loyalist agenda.
Marxist-Leninist: The Jews/Zionists/Israel Lobby represent an ethnocentric, theocratic and colonial settler state. We had something beautiful going briefly with Nasser and Arab Nationalism and Israel did its best to fuck it up.
Anarchist: The Jews/Zionists/Israel Lobby are oppressing the indigenous population of Palestine.
Vast American Majority: Didn’t the Jews kill Jesus? What’s a Zionist?
from a NYC Indymedia comment thread: http://nyc.indymedia.org/en/2009/11/108265.html
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from http://slackbastard.anarchobase.com/
Two Greek anarchists are making molotov cocktails. One says to the other: “So who will we throw these at then?” The other replies: “What are you, some kind of fucking intellectual?”
and another one: a stalinist, an anarchist and a trotskyist are coming home and find their partners in bed with a comrade. What is their reaction? The stalinist kills both, the anarchist asks them if he can join them and the trotskyist writes a 20 pages long declaration justifying an organizational split