Pity Darwin.
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Missile risk to Australia low: ADF
North Korea's new long-range missiles pose "very little risk" to Darwin or Cairns according to the Australian Defence Force.
Bombed by the Japanese in World War II, blown away by Cyclone Tracy on Christmas Eve, 1974, and forever harassed, according to its local newspaper, by person-eating crocodiles, it now has to be concerned about a missile-obsessed Kim Jong-un of North Korea.
The prospect that North Korea now has an inter-continental ballistic missile capable of reaching northern Australia raises a ticklish question.
Why would Kim Jong-un bother to lob one of his missiles, possibly equipped with a nuclear warhead, on Darwin?
It is, of course, the capital city of the Northern Territory and by far the territory's biggest town.
Even so, its population is only a shade over 142,000, which puts it at number 15 on Australia's list of largest cities, below both Townsville and Cairns.
Would Kim Jong-un, a giggling gnome in a bowl haircut, have reason to even know Darwin exists, what with his concentration on firming up his position by murdering an uncle here and allegedly ordering the murder of a brother there?
In fact, Darwin - the northernmost terminus of the Adelaide-Darwin railway and a significant military base - might prove an attractive target for a missile strike to a little tyrant wanting to make an impression on big-time world affairs.
There are, for starters, 1250 US Marines currently stationed at Darwin. They reportedly have at their disposal up to 13 aircraft for exercises: four tilt-rotor Ospreys, five Super Cobra helicopters and four Huey helicopters.
Their commander, Lieutenant Colonel Brian S. Middleton, was quoted helpfully when the latest Marines arrived in April as saying they stood ready to fight if tensions between the US and North Korea escalated into direct conflict.
The US contingent is due to be expanded to a full Marine Air-Ground Task Force of 2500 Marines by 2020.
Meanwhile, the US military reportedly wants to regularly rotate long-range B1 Bombers and aerial tankers through Darwin and Tindal bases. Tindal is a major Royal Australian Air Force base near Katherine, about 320 kilometres south-east of Darwin.
Then there's Darwin's port, which exports billions of dollars' worth of mining products, including gas, to the world, plus live cattle to feed Asian nations that are no great friend of North Korea.
More particularly, the port also harbours numerous warships.
Each year, Royal Australian Navy and multi-national exercises and operations involve about 100 Australian and foreign warships docking at Darwin. About 600 navy men and women are permanently based in the Darwin area.
Even Kim Jong-un, however, might be given pause at the idea of destroying Darwin's port.
The port is leased by a Chinese-owned company, Landbridge. The 99-year deal drew screams of dismay from many Australians when it was announced.
But China is one of North Korea's few allies in world affairs. Around 80 per cent of exports from Darwin's port go to China.
To attack a Chinese-leased port that supplies billions of dollars worth of crucial mineral and energy supplies to China itself would be unlikely to endear North Korea to its powerful neighbour.
And so, any thought of an attack on Darwin would require North Korea's leader, described by his country's official news agency as "a great person born of heaven", to balance the benefit of driving US President Donald Trump into a frenzy with the disadvantage of stirring China into a rage.
But before all that is a more pressing question for the world: does North Korea's latest missile actually have the ability to fly to Darwin, carrying a power-packed payload?
Given Kim Jong-un's reputation for absurd posturing, Darwin can probably sleep easily for a while yet.