Joan Rivers

Joan Alexandra Molinsky (June 8, 1933 – September 4, 2014), known as Joan Rivers, was an American actress, comedian, writer, producer, and television host noted for her often controversial comedic persona—where she was alternately self-deprecating or sharply acerbic, especially toward celebrities and politicians.

Rivers came to prominence in 1965 as a guest on The Tonight Show. Hosted by her mentor, Johnny Carson, the show established Rivers' comedic style. In 1986, with her own rival program, The Late Show with Joan Rivers, Rivers became the first woman to host a late night network television talk show. She subsequently hosted The Joan Rivers Show (1989–1993), winning a Daytime Emmy for Outstanding Talk Show Host. Having become widely known for her comedic red carpet awards show celebrity interviews, Rivers co-hosted the E! celebrity fashion show Fashion Police From 2010 to 2014 and starred in reality series Joan & Melissa: Joan Knows Best? (2011-2014) with daughter Melissa Rivers. She was the subject of the documentary Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work (2010).

'Joan Rivers' is featured as a movie character in the following productions:

Iron Man Three (2013)

Actors: Ben Kingsley (actor), Stan Lee (actor), Bill Maher (actor), Andrew Lauer (actor), Don Cheadle (actor), Johnny Otto (actor), Todd Davis (actor), Spencer Garrett (actor), Robert Downey Jr. (actor), Miguel Ferrer (actor), Linden Ashby (actor), Jon Favreau (actor), Paul Bettany (actor), Anthony Reynolds (actor), Guy Pearce (actor),

Plot: Marvel's "Iron Man 3" pits brash-but-brilliant industrialist Tony Stark/Iron Man against an enemy whose reach knows no bounds. When Stark finds his personal world destroyed at his enemy's hands, he embarks on a harrowing quest to find those responsible. This journey, at every turn, will test his mettle. With his back against the wall, Stark is left to survive by his own devices, relying on his ingenuity and instincts to protect those closest to him. As he fights his way back, Stark discovers the answer to the question that has secretly haunted him: does the man make the suit or does the suit make the man?

Keywords: 1990s, 2010s, 20th-century, 21st-century, action-hero, actor, air-force-one, air-to-surface-missile, airforce-one, airplane-hijacking
Genres: Action, Adventure, Fantasy, Sci-Fi,
Taglines: Prepare for heavy metal! Unleash the power behind the armor. Even heroes fall.

Quotes:

The Mandarin: Some people call me a terrorist. I consider myself a teacher. America. Ready for another lesson?::The Mandarin: In 1864, in Sand Creek, Colorado, the U.S. Military waited until the friendly Cheyenne Braves had all gone hunting. Waited to attack and slaughter the families left behind. And claim their land.::The Mandarin: Thirty-nine hours ago, the Ali al-Salam Air Base in Kuwait was attacked. I, I, I did that. A quaint military church, filled with wives and children, of course. The soldiers were out on maneuvers. The 'Braves' were away.::The Mandarin: President Ellis, you continue to resist my attempts to educate you, sir. And now, you've missed me again.::The Mandarin: You don't know who I am. You don't know where I am. And you'll NEVER see me coming.

Operator: Stark Secure Server: now transferring to all known receivers.::Tony Stark: Pepper, it's me. I've got a lot of apologies to make and not a lot of time, so... first off. I'm so sorry I put you in harm's way. That was selfish and stupid and it won't happen again. Also, it's Christmas time. The rabbit's too big. Done. Sorry. And I'm sorry in advance because... I can't come home yet.::[pauses]::Tony Stark: I need to find this guy. You gotta stay safe. That's all I know. I just stole a poncho from a wooden Indian.

[from trailer]::Tony Stark: I'm Tony Stark. I build neat stuff, got a great girl, occasionally save the world. So why can't I sleep?

[from trailer]::Tony Stark: [to Pepper] Things are different now, I have to protect the one thing that I can't live without. That's you.

[from trailer]::The Mandarin: Mr Stark, today is the first day of what's left of your life.

[Stark approaches his car, flanked by news reporter. One videographer behind him points his smartphone at him]::Videographer: Hey Mr. Stark. When is somebody going to kill this guy? Just sayin'.::[Stark turns around to face the videographer]::Tony Stark: Is that what you want?::[pauses]::Tony Stark: Here's a little Holiday greeting I've been wanting to send to the Mandarin. I just didn't know how to phrase it until now. My name is Tony Stark and I'm not afraid of you. I know you're a coward, so I decided... that you just died, pal. I'm gonna come get the body. There's no politics here, it's just good old-fashioned revenge. There's no Pentagon. It's just you and me. And on the off-chance you're a man, here's my home address: 10880 Malibu Point, 90265. I'll leave the door unlocked. That's what you wanted, right?::[Stark grabs the smartphone and throws it against a column before entering his car]::Tony Stark: Bill me.

[from trailer]::Aldrich Killian: The whole world's gonna be watching.

[from trailer]::The Mandarin: I'm gonna offer the choice: do you want an empty life, or a meaningful death?

President Ellis: You elected me on a single platform. I will defend this country at all costs. The Mandarin must be stopped!

[from TV spot]::Tony Stark: [suits up] You know, it's moments like these when I realize how much of a superhero I am.::Pepper Potts: Wow!

Romancing the Joan (2013)

Actors: Melissa Rivers (actress), Joan Rivers (actress), Cristina Fanti (miscellaneous crew), Mitch Eakins (actor), Arun K. Vir (producer), Tony Cicchetti (actor), Isabel Mandujano (costume designer), Michael Foster (actor), George Snarberg (actor), Philip V. Bruenn (actor), Tim Owens (director), Jason Zahodnik (actor), Jesse Wilson (actor), Tim Parrish (actor), Erin Frisbie (producer),

Genres: Comedy,
Taglines: Love just got a rude awakening.

The Vigilante (2010)

Actors: Jose Rosete (actor), Joe Estevez (actor), Christina Jo'Leigh (actress), Joe Guinan (producer), John Morrissey (actor), Silvia Suvadová (actress), Hedo Davis (actor), Kristin Mellian (actress), Timothy W. White (producer), Timothy W. White (actor), Rob Burns (producer), Bill Allen (actor), Johnny Cley Rivers (actor), Michael Masini (actor), Kiyano La'vin (actor),

Genres: Action, Drama,

Chez Joan (2009)

Actors: Kevin Deon (actor), Kevin Deon (producer), Kevin Deon (writer), Kevin Deon (director), Kevin Deon (editor), Jim Waters (actor), Jim Waters (producer), Jim Waters (writer), Arthur Loring (actor), Kelly Hunt (producer), Kelly Hunt (actress), Kelly Hunt (writer), Mario Rossello (actor), William Fern Shaw (actor), Beverly Morgan (actor),

Genres: Comedy, Short,
Taglines: Washed up celebrity dip list.

Titans of Justice (2006)

Actors: Tom Hodges (actor), Ron Jeremy (actor), Tom Hodges (producer), Tom Hodges (director), James Charles Leary (producer), James Charles Leary (writer), Michael R. Meredith (writer), Michael R. Meredith (producer), Brooke Dillman (actress), Kirk Pynchon (writer), Kirk Pynchon (producer), Sally Rundgren (actress),

Plot: When America's favorite stunt cocks, Bill and Earl, are hit by a meteorite, they and three female porn stars receive super hero powers. Along with side kick Ron Jeremy, they form the Titans of Justice to fight crime, injustice and further the good name of porn around the world!

Keywords: porn
Genres: Animation,
Taglines: A full load of justice, right in your face!

Queer Duck: The Movie (2006)

Actors: Kevin Michael Richardson (actor), Jeff Bennett (actor), Jeff Bennett (actor), Kevin Michael Richardson (actor), Tim Curry (actor), Andy Dick (actor), Andy Dick (actor), David Duchovny (actor), Mark Hamill (actor), Conan O'Brien (actor), Nick Jameson (actor), Maurice LaMarche (actor), Maurice LaMarche (actor), Maurice LaMarche (actor), Bruce Vilanch (actor),

Plot: Queer Duck: The Movie is the relentlessly funny, feature-length extension of the animated series Queer Duck, created by frequent The Simpsons scripter Mike Reiss. Sexually scandalous yet sweet, the movie is a cascade of pop-culture stereotypes of gays in America, punctuated by rapid-fire references (as with The Simpsons) to, well, just about everything: classic movies, game shows, Gilbert and Sullivan, Paul Lynde. Hey, there's even a storyline: Queer Duck (voiced by Jim J. Bullock) and his partner of 18 months ("That's a lifetime in gay years"), Harvey Fierstein sound-alike Stephen Arlo "Openly" Gator (Kevin Michael Richardson), hit a relationship crisis when the fey fowl is wooed by a brassy Broadway broad. Queer Duck wonders if he'd be happier being straight. While Gator the waiter spills his problems to a compassionate Conan O'Brien (thanks for the cameo), Queer Duck goes on a personal odyssey that ultimately leads to a showdown with a television evangelist at a theme park re-christened Fairyland. One has to see it to believe it. --Tom Keogh

Keywords: amusement-park, awards-show, bar-mitzvah, blimp, boyfriend, broadway-manhattan-new-york-city, butler, campy, celebrity, character-name-in-title
Genres: Animation, Comedy,
Taglines: He can't even fly straight!

Quotes:

Queer Duck: Well, if you're mixing drinks, I'd like a slow comfortable screw up against the wall of a bus station in Passaic, New Jersey.::Queer Duck: It's just rum.

Queer Duck: [in a dream sequence about when they're old and still together] Openly Gator. Where the hell is my dinner?::Openly Gator: Oh, here!::Queer Duck: [screams when he sees a dead rat on the plate] Why do we keep ordering from that Thai place?

Queer Duck: We have an awful future ahead of us.::Openly Gator: What are you saying? Have you met someone else?::Queer Duck: No! No, no, no, no, no!::Lola Buzzard: [suddenly grabs him and pulls his head to her chest] Darling!::Queer Duck: Well, kind of.

Queer Duck: [tied to a beam] You know, for a heterosexual, you tie really good knots.::Reverend Vandergelding: [flattered] aww, you!

Reverend Vandergelding: [after forcing Queer Duck to drink a potion that will turn him straight] Could it be? What do you think of Cameron Diaz?::Queer Duck: [in a masculine voice] She's hot.::Reverend Vandergelding: Camryn Manheim?::Queer Duck: She's hot.::Reverend Vandergelding: Sister Wendy? [shows a picture of an ugly old nun]::Queer Duck: [scratches his chin] I'd do her.::Reverend Vandergelding: SUCCESS!

Reverend Vandergelding: So, how did you finally tell them you were gay?::Queer Duck: Oh, well, that's an interesting story. It all goes back to those crazy, turbulent, fabulous seventies... [music starts]::Reverend Vandergelding: Wait a minute... [music stops] Is this going to be a musical number? I'm mean, what is it with you people and musical numbers?::Queer Duck: Just sit back and enjoy it!

Lola Buzzard: [after getting a Jellyfish off her] What do you think of my new look?::Queer Duck: You look like The Joker.::Lola Buzzard: I was going for it. Quick, say something to make me frown again.::Queer Duck: Bush is running for a third term.::Lola Buzzard: Christ! The country's ruined.

Openly Gator: We need some sort of superpowers to help save Queer Duck. Do you guys have any?::Rosie O'Donnell: I can honestly say I haven't.::Openly Gator: Me neither.::Bi-Polar Bear: I have one. I can crack a walnut with my butt.::[both Openly Gator and Oscar Wildcat are left speechless, so is Peccary]

Openly Gator: You can't change who you are!::Queer Duck: Well, sometimes I wish I could. Don't you?::Openly Gator: No. I am a gay man, like my father and his father before him. Now get some sleep.

Queer Duck: [while being forced to drink a potion] No, stop! Tastes like Snapple! God, I wish I had my gag reflex back!

Not Only But Always (2004)

Actors: Jill McCullough (miscellaneous crew), George Faber (producer), Rhys Ifans (actor), David Sterne (actor), Colin Towns (composer), Richard Durden (actor), Alan Cox (actor), Elizabeth Hawthorne (actress), Peter Rowley (actor), Charles Pattinson (producer), Jonathan Aris (actor), John Leigh (actor), Timothy Balme (actor), Barbara Darragh (costume designer), Robin Soans (actor),

Genres: Biography, Drama,

Quotes:

[Peter discovers Dudley shagging a young woman in his dressing room when he should be getting ready to go on stage]::Peter Cook: If you *do* decide to come on stage, Dudley, make sure you take her off your penis first.

Dudley Moore: Is my entire contribution to this show going to consist of my humiliating myself?::Peter Cook: No, Dudley. We'll do that for you.::Dudley Moore: Thank you. I wouldn't want to be appreciated or anything.::Peter Cook: Well, we initially tried looking up to you, Dudley... but when we did, we invariably found ourselves looking down.

Eleanor Bron: Sorry, sir. The club's full.::Upper Class Man: But I have an invitation. Do you know who I am?::Peter Cook: [to the people in the queue] Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. May I have everyone's attention for a moment? This gentleman doesn't seem to know who he is. If anyone here recognises this man, can you come to the front of the queue and tell him his name.::Upper Class Man: Fuck you!::Peter Cook: You'll have to queue for that, too, I'm afraid, sir. There's a £5 waiting list.

Dudley Moore: Why do you constantly belittle me?::Peter Cook: Dudley, I don't think it's possible to belittle a club-footed dwarf whose only talent is to play Chopsticks in the style of Debussy.

Wendy Snowden: Everything happens for a purpose. Go with the flow.::Peter Cook: I've enjoyed the plughole immensely. I can't wait for the drain.::Wendy Snowden: It's really weird that this has happened when it has. I'm pregnant.::Dudley Moore: I think that was the U-bend, Pete.

Dudley Moore: You have a generous heart.::Peter Cook: I do have a generous heart. I have a very generous heart. I recently caught it trying to give my liver to a wino.

Dudley Moore: Are you allergic to compassion?::Peter Cook: Only in suppository form.

[about to give a tribute to Dudley Moore on "This Is Your Life"]::Alan Bennett: They wanted a glowing accolade. But I said "No. I'll do an amusing anecdote" - because glowing accolades tend to sound so insincere.::Peter Cook: ...Especially when they are.

Peter Cook: The BBC want another series.::Dudley Moore: Oh good. I'll make it up, you write it down, take all the money, take all the credit, then turn up drunk, and I'll make it all up again.

[1978: sketch prompted by the recent death of Pope John Paul I]::Peter Cook: Hello, mother.::Dudley Moore: [falsetto] Hello, son.::Peter Cook: Did you go to the Pope's funeral?::Dudley Moore: [falsetto] Yeah, I did. It was lovely.::Peter Cook: The way they laid out the Pope was beautiful.::Dudley Moore: [falsetto] Oh yes, son.::Peter Cook: Looking at that dead Pope gave me the horn.::Dudley Moore: [falsetto, shocked] No!::Peter Cook: Yeah, I got so horny seeing him lying in state, I had to have a wank.::Dudley Moore: [corpses]::Peter Cook: Yeah. I came all over the Pope - right across his face.::Dudley Moore: [corpses]

Shrek 2 (2004)

Actors: Conrad Vernon (actor), Conrad Vernon (actor), Julie Andrews (actress), Cameron Diaz (actress), Mike Myers (actor), Conrad Vernon (actor), Conrad Vernon (actor), Conrad Vernon (actor), John Cleese (actor), Rupert Everett (actor), Larry King (actor), Eddie Murphy (actor), Antonio Banderas (actor), Jennifer Saunders (actress), Joan Rivers (actress),

Plot: Shrek has rescued Princess Fiona, got married, and now is time to meet the parents. Shrek, Fiona, and Donkey set off to Far, Far Away to meet Fiona's mother and father. But not everyone is happy. Shrek and the King find it hard to get along, and there's tension in the marriage. It's not just the family who are unhappy. Prince Charming returns from a failed attempt at rescuing Fiona, and works alongside his mother, the Fairy Godmother, to try and find a way to get Shrek away from Fiona.

Keywords: 3d-animation, arm-wrestling, arrogance, assassin, bar, based-on-book, based-on-fairy-tale, battle, best-friend, blind
Genres: Adventure, Animation, Comedy, Family, Fantasy,
Taglines: In summer 2004, they're back for more.... Once upon another time... Not so far, far away...

Quotes:

Fairy Godmother: Remember, happiness is just a teardrop away...

Shrek: So, Fiona's father paid you to do this?::Puss-in-Boots: Oh, the rich king? Sí.

[Puss is watching Shrek and Fiona]::Puss-in-Boots: Whatever happens... I must not cry. You cannot make me cry... [breaks down sobbing]

Princess Fiona: Is that glitter on your lips?::Prince Charming: Mmm, cherry flavored. Want a taste?

[first lines]::Prince Charming: Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away, the king and queen were blessed with a beautiful baby girl, and throughout the land everyone was happy, until the sun went down, and they saw that their daughter was cursed with a frightful enchantment that took hold each and every night. Desperate, they sought the help of a fairy godmother, who had them lock the young princess away in a tower, there to await the kiss of the handsome Prince Charming. It was he who would chance the perilous journey through blistering cold and scorching desert, traveling for many days and nights, risking life and limb to reach the dragon's keep, for he was the bravest, and most handsome in all the land, and it was destiny that his kiss would break the dreaded curse. He alone would climb to the highest room of the tallest tower to enter the princess's chambers, cross the room to her sleeping silhouette, pull back the gossamer curtains to find her- gasp!::Wolf: What?::Prince Charming: Princess... Fiona?::Wolf: NO!::Prince Charming: Oh, thank heavens! Where is she?::Wolf: She's on her honeymoon.::Prince Charming: Honeymoon? With whom?

Shrek: The kingdom of FAR FAR Away, Donkey? That's where we're going! FAR! FAR!... away.

Puss-in-Boots: I hate Mondays.

[to Donkey, when Shrek, Donkey, and Puss are at a bar]::The Ugly Stepsister: Why the long face?

Donkey: Oh, Shrek. Don't worry. Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.

Puss-in-Boots: Stop, ogre! I have misjudged you.::Shrek: Join the club. We got jackets.

Serial Mom (1994)

Actors: John Waters (director), Joan Rivers (actress), Basil Poledouris (composer), John Waters (writer), Suzanne Somers (actress), Kathleen Turner (actress), Johnny Alonso (actor), Ricki Lake (actress), John Waters (actor), Mink Stole (actress), Traci Lords (actress), Matthew Lillard (actor), Sam Waterston (actor), Steve McAuliff (miscellaneous crew), Bess Armstrong (actress),

Plot: A picture perfect middle class family is shocked when they find out that one of their neighbors is receiving obscene phone calls. The mom takes slights against her family very personally, and it turns out she is indeed the one harassing the neighbor. As other slights befall her beloved family, the body count begins to increase, and the police get closer to the truth, threatening the family's picture perfect world.

Keywords: american-mythology, animal-licking-someone, anti-hero, anti-heroine, bad-mother, baltimore-maryland, based-on-supposedly-true-story, bird, bird-watching, bitch
Genres: Comedy, Crime, Thriller,
Taglines: She's a fabulous, loving, caring mother, who er... ...happens to be a serial killer! Every Mom Wants to Be Wanted, But Not For Murder One! At least she meant well

Quotes:

Chip Sutphin: Did you bring back "Ghost Dad"?::Emma Lou Jenson: There ya go [handing over video] I just love Bill Cosby pictures!

Beverly: Wear your seatbelt! [stabs at Scott's car]

Birdie: [to Beverly] You know, you're bigger than Freddy and Jason now, only you're a real person.

Birdie: [to Misty] Hey, can I borrow your mother? My Aunt is coming for dinner and she's always getting on my nerves.

Beverly: [as Beverly hits Mrs. Jenson a final time] REWIND!

Misty Sutphin: [upset after learning her mother may be a serial killer] Now I'll never get a boyfriend!

Beverly: Buckle up, Scotty! [uses aerosal can and lighter to create flame thrower]::Scotty Barnhill: [screams on fire] No Mrs. Sutphin, please. I'll wear my seatbelt.

Beverly: Mrs. Hinkle, are you insane?::Dottie Hinkle: No I'm not, you motherfucker!

Beverly Sutphin: Are those pussywillows?::Rosemary Ackerman: Dried ones. Aren't they pretty?::Dottie Hinkle: What did you just say?::Beverly Sutphin: [in the stalker voice] Pussywillows, Dottie!

Beverly: Officer, I'm sorry, but we don't allow gum in this house.::Detective Gracey: Sorry, ma'am.

Malta Story (1953)

Actors: Anthony Steel (actor), William Russell (actor), Peter Bull (actor), Sam Kydd (actor), Michael Medwin (actor), Victor Maddern (actor), Michael Craig (actor), Maurice Denham (actor), Ronald Adam (actor), Alec Guinness (actor), Jack Hawkins (actor), Ivor Barnard (actor), Gordon Jackson (actor), Geoffrey Keen (actor), Nigel Stock (actor),

Plot: In 1942 Britain was clinging to the island of Malta since it was critical to keeping Allied supply lines open. The Axis also wanted it for their own supply lines. Plenty of realistic reenactments and archival combat footage as the British are beseiged and try to fight off the Luftwaffe. Against this background, a RAF reconnaissance photographer's romance with a local girl is endangered as he tries to plot enemy movements.

Keywords: air-raid, famine, george-cross, heroism, italian-spy, malta, raf-pilot, relief-convoy, royal-navy, siege
Genres: Drama, History, War,
Taglines: NOW ! Another Great Performance in the ALEC GUINNESS Hall of Fame ! ...

Rivers, Joan Filmography

Play in Full Screen Scatter My Ashes at Bergdorf's

2013, role: actress , character name: Herself
Play in Full Screen 2013 Do Something Awards

2013, role: actress , character name: Herself
Play in Full Screen Why We Laugh: Funny Women

2013, role: producer
Play in Full Screen Romancing the Joan

2013, role: actress , character name: Joan Rivers
Play in Full Screen Moms Mabley: I Got Somethin' to Tell You

2013, role: actress , character name: Herself
Play in Full Screen In Bed with Joan

2013, role: writer
Play in Full Screen Iron Man Three

2013, role: actress , character name: Joan Rivers
Play in Full Screen Why We Laugh: Funny Women

2013, role: actress , character name: Herself
Play in Full Screen In Bed with Joan

2013, role: producer
Play in Full Screen Super Bowl's Greatest Commercials 2012

2012, role: actress , character name: Go Daddy Girl
Play in Full Screen Joan Rivers: Don't Start with Me

2012, role: producer
Play in Full Screen Joan Rivers: Don't Start with Me

2012, role: actress , character name: Herself
Play in Full Screen Vanilla Ice Archive

2012, role: actress , character name: Herself
Play in Full Screen Growing Up Barnard

2011, role: actress , character name: Herself
Play in Full Screen Tower Heist

2011, role: actress , character name: Herself
Play in Full Screen 16th Annual Critics' Choice Movie Awards

2011, role: actress , character name: Herself - Presenter
Play in Full Screen Miss Representation

2011, role: actress , character name: Herself
Play in Full Screen The Smurfs

2011, role: actress , character name: Party Guest
Play in Full Screen Bob Ross: The Happy Painter

2011, role: actress , character name: Herself
Play in Full Screen TMI with Joan Rivers

2011, role: actress , character name: Herself
Play in Full Screen The Undefeated

2011, role: actress , character name: Herself
Play in Full Screen Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy

2010, role: actress , character name: Herself
Play in Full Screen Working with Lucy: A Conversation with James E. Brodhead

2010, role: actress , character name: Clips from 'Here's Lucy'
Play in Full Screen Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work

2010, role: actress , character name: Herself
Play in Full Screen VH1 News Presents: Plastic Surgery Obsession

2010, role: actress , character name: Herself
Play in Full Screen Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade

2010, role: actress , character name: Herself
Play in Full Screen The Battle for Late Night

2010, role: actress , character name: Herself
Play in Full Screen Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps

2010, role: actress , character name: Herself
Play in Full Screen Drop Dead Diva

2009, role: actress
Play in Full Screen What's the Name of the Dame?

2009, role: actress
Play in Full Screen Comedy Central Roast of Joan Rivers

2009, role: actress , character name: Herself - Roastee
Play in Full Screen Every Little Step

2008, role: actress , character name: Herself
Play in Full Screen 11th Annual the Kennedy Center Mark Twain Prize for American Humor: George Carlin

2008, role: actress , character name: Herself
Play in Full Screen The 6th Annual TV Land Awards

2008, role: actress , character name: Herself
Play in Full Screen The Last Guy on Earth

2008, role: actress
Play in Full Screen Making Trouble

2007, role: actress , character name: Herself
Play in Full Screen Joan & Melissa: Live at the Academy Awards

2007, role: actress , character name: Herself
Play in Full Screen Mr. Warmth: The Don Rickles Project

2007, role: actress , character name: Herself
Play in Full Screen Joan & Melissa: Live at the Golden Globe Awards

2007, role: actress , character name: Herself - Host
Play in Full Screen Queens of Disco

2007, role: actress , character name: Herself
Play in Full Screen Joan & Melissa: Live at the Grammy Awards

2007, role: actress , character name: Herself - Host
Play in Full Screen The 100 Greatest Sex Symbols

2007, role: actress , character name: Herself
Play in Full Screen The Royal Variety Performance 2007

2007, role: actress , character name: Herself
Play in Full Screen Golden Globes Fashion Wrap with Joan and Melissa

2007, role: actress , character name: Herself
Play in Full Screen 100 Greatest Stand-Ups

2007, role: actress , character name: Herself
Play in Full Screen An Audience with Joan Rivers

2006, role: actress , character name: Herself
Play in Full Screen Straight Talk

2006, role: actress , character name: Herself - Host
Play in Full Screen Emmy Awards Fashion Wrap with Joan and Melissa

2006, role: actress , character name: Herself
Play in Full Screen The Electric Company's Greatest Hits & Bits

2006, role: actress , character name: Herself
Play in Full Screen Joan Rivers: Before Melissa Pulls the Plug

2006, role: actress , character name: Herself

Famous quotes by Joan Rivers:

"Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise."

"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it."

"My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on."

"It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom."

"You make the beds, you wash the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again"

"I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor."

"A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp."

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present."

"I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds."

"Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief, and, most of all, fear"

"Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory."

"I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking."

"I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage."

"People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made."

"I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool."

"I could be the Greta Garbo of comedy, very secluded, but Garbo had a man who was beyond rich to support her."

"Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too."

"Both of my parents got to see me host Carson, thank God. That's all anyone wants: to have their parents see they're going to be all right in life."

"It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who."

"My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day."

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Joan Rivers Returns to The Tonight Show

Jimmy welcomes Joan Rivers, who made her first appearance on The Tonight Show 49 years ago...

published: 28 Mar 2014

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Joan Rivers - "Wild Rivers " | Exclusive Interview

Great Joan Rivers interview 4 years before she passed away. Still as funny, rude and witty...

published: 24 Feb 2017

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Joan Rivers Live At The Apollo Part 1

This content is owned by the BBC http://www.facebook.com/pages/ArseRaptor/134715809920069?...

published: 28 Aug 2009

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An Audience With Joan Rivers 1983

published: 27 Mar 2016

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Joan Rivers Stand Up - 2013

The late Joan Rivers, actress, comedian, writer, producer, television host and the queen o...

published: 07 Mar 2016

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Joan Rivers - The Graham Norton Show. 30 November 2012. HD.

Joan Rivers at her acerbic best on The Graham Norton Show, along with Jake Gyllenhaal and ...

published: 01 Dec 2012

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Joan Rivers last appearance on Tonight Show with Johnny Carson

Joan's final appearance on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson was on April 25, 1986. Alt...

published: 05 Sep 2014

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Joan Rivers on Kanye, Kimye and Kristen Stewart

Comedian author Joan Rivers talks about her latest book, ‘Diary of a Mad Diva,’ in which s...

published: 08 Jul 2014

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Joan Rivers Monologue - Saturday Night Live

Subscribe to SaturdayNightLive: http://j.mp/1bjU39d Monologues: http://j.mp/16NdBBC SEASON...

published: 10 Oct 2013

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What's Joan Rivers not had done? - The Graham Norton Show - BBC Two

Find out more: http://www.bbc.co.uk/grahamnortonshow Graham is joined by Dragons' Den sta...

published: 09 May 2009

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Joan Rivers - "Wild Rivers " | Exclusive Interview

Great Joan Rivers interview 4 years before she passed away. Still as funny, rude and witty...

published: 24 Feb 2017

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Joan Rivers on David Letterman HD Full Interview

David Letterman ,Best of David Letterman ,Late Late Night Show David Letterman, David Lett...

published: 23 May 2015

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Joan Rivers Gets Her Head Shrunk! Great In Depth Interview with Dr Pamela Stephenson official

Joan Rivers Gets Her Head Shrunk! Great In Depth Interview with Dr Pamela Stephenson off...

published: 08 Sep 2014

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Joan Rivers Interview on Parkinson

published: 25 Mar 2017

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Joan Rivers Returns to The Tonight Show

Jimmy welcomes Joan Rivers, who made her first appearance on The Tonight Show 49 years ago...

published: 28 Mar 2014

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Joan Rivers storms out of CNN interview

Comedienne Joan Rivers sat down with Fredricka Whitfield to discuss her new book, but stor...

published: 05 Jul 2014

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Joan Rivers Interview with Clive Anderson - BBC1 - Very Funny!

Joan on great form here! From around '95/ 96 (no not Joan's age ;-) Compare this intervi...

published: 03 Aug 2011

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Joan Rivers - The Graham Norton Show. 30 November 2012. HD.

Joan Rivers at her acerbic best on The Graham Norton Show, along with Jake Gyllenhaal and ...

published: 01 Dec 2012

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joan rivers with johnathan ross

published: 28 May 2013

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Melissa Rivers on Her Mother, Joan

The pundit and writer was in Ellen’s studio to tell stories about life with her mother, th...

published: 01 May 2015

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Joan Rivers Greatest Red Carpet Moments

Joan Rivers always did it her way, whether it was saying what no one else had the guts to ...

published: 07 Dec 2014

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JOAN & MELISSA RIVERS' OSCAR 2008 RED CARPET RUNDOWN

Joan and Melissa Rivers dish on the best and worst of the Oscar 2008 red carpet.

published: 26 Feb 2008

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Joan & Melissa Grammy Red Carpet Interview

published: 26 May 2013

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Joan Rivers insults her crew

Joan Rivers insults her crew in an attempt to thank them

published: 09 May 2006

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Joan Rivers - Oscar 2002 - Interviews Sharon Stone, Nicole Kidman, Sandra Bullock, Hugh Grant etc

Joan Rivers at the Oscar 2002 Academy Awards - Interviewing Sharon Stone, Nicole Kidman, M...

published: 08 Oct 2012

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joan rivers family guy red carpet scene

published: 13 May 2015

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Joan Rivers: No One Does Red Carpet Like Us

March 24 (Bloomberg) --- Today's "Mystery Guests" are TV personalities Joan and Melissa Ri...

published: 25 Mar 2014

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Celebrating Joan Rivers' Best Golden Globe Moments

Joan Rivers' passing will leave a huge void on the Golden Globes red carpet Sunday that wo...

published: 12 Jan 2015

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Beth Behrs' Hot Red Carpet Tip Joan Rivers Gave Her

Beth Behrs chats with Seth about hanging out at Joan Rivers' house during college and the ...

published: 04 May 2017

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Joan Rivers & Madonna

Red Carpet www.madonna-tv.com www.twitter.com/TommyHarmon

published: 25 Jun 2012

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Joan Rivers on The View The View

published: 30 Jul 2012

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Joan RosenbergTv Joan Rivers on The View June 2012 Men Are Stupid & Like Big Boobs

published: 24 Nov 2015

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Joan Rivers

published: 13 Feb 2009

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Joan Rivers

The View Tuesday October 25 2016 Full Episode https://youtu.be/8inA-vDxq84

published: 01 Jul 2014

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"Joan & Melissa: Joan Nose Best!,"on the View's interview

Melissa Rivers has very Different mother issues than you do. Lately her mom, Joan Rivers, ...

published: 09 Apr 2014

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Kelly Osbourne Talks About Joan Rivers | The Queen Latifah Show

Kelly Osbourne talks about the recent, unexpected death of her "Fashion Police" co-host Jo...

published: 13 Oct 2014

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The View -7-12-07 July 12, 2007 Joan Rivers Mario Cantone

The View with guest host Mario Cantone and guest Joan Rivers... hysterical! Sorry about th...

published: 08 Mar 2008

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Joan Rivers Tries To Blast Whoopi Goldberg For Defending Mel Gibson

published: 28 Oct 2010

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Joan Rivers Co-Hosts on The View - April 13, 2010

http://to.ly/1SpG The View is ABC Daytime's morning chat fest, featuring a team of five...

published: 13 Apr 2010

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View's Tribute to Joan Rivers - 09/15/2014

The View's Tribute to Joan Rivers - 09/15/2014, with Kristin Chenoweth, Rosie O'Donnell, W...

published: 15 Sep 2014

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Joan Rivers & FASHION POLICE on Christina Aguilera

haha! I think she looked nice. but she's really overdoes things.

published: 26 Aug 2011

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Fashion Police | "Black Swan" Style | E!

The panel breaks down Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman's red carpet style for "Black Swan." ...

published: 03 Dec 2010

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Fashion Police and Kylie Minogue on Madonna's nip slip

published: 24 Jun 2012

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Joan Rivers - Christina Aguilera Deep Fried Vodka

Joan Rivers calls out Christina Aguilera about Deep Fried Vodka.

published: 30 Dec 2012

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Princess Beatrice to auction off wedding hat

http://bigxtext.com/free NOW to sign up. Princess Beatrice on Fashion Police with Joan ...

published: 13 May 2011

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Joan Rivers: 'The Funniest Woman Who Ever Lived'

As Hollywood continues to mourn Joan Rivers, stars are opening up to ET about the comedian...

published: 06 Sep 2014

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Joan Rivers Gets Snooki-fied - Fashion Police Halloween Special .

That's right, Nicole Polizzi makes an appearance as a special guest after Joan Rivers stea...

published: 30 Oct 2012

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Joan Rivers and Fashion Police Roast Lady Bunny

Lady Bunny, co-host of HOT MESS Wednesdays at XL Nightclub (along with Bianca Del Rio) get...

published: 23 Aug 2012

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Joan Rivers: Snooki pussy jokes on Fashion Police (Snooki)

I will miss her so. I wish I had captured more than just this bit, but this captures so m...

published: 17 Apr 2011

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JENNIFER LOPEZ FASHION POLICE

JOAN RIVERS FASHION POLICE JENNIFER LOPEZ,RICH GIRL COSMETICS THE POWER TO TRANSFORM YOU. ...

published: 10 Jan 2012

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An Audience With Joan Rivers 1983

published: 27 Mar 2016

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Joan Rivers Gets Her Head Shrunk! Great In Depth Interview with Dr Pamela Stephenson official

Joan Rivers Gets Her Head Shrunk! Great In Depth Interview with Dr Pamela Stephenson off...

published: 08 Sep 2014

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Howard Stern Show - HowardTV Joan and Melissa Rivers - 2016 Howard Stern Show

2016 Howard Stern Show - 2012. Roastmaster Jeffrey Ross with the late great Joan Rivers do...

published: 25 Mar 2017

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20/20: Joan Rivers tribute

published: 17 Aug 2016

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The Late Show Starring Joan Rivers: Bette Davis

The Late Show Starring Joan Rivers episode featuring an interview with Bette Davis and cou...

published: 29 Apr 2017

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The Graham Norton Show (30-11-12) Joan Rivers,Jake Gyllenhaal,Jeremy Clarkson & James May

Ke$ha also performs her latest single 'Die Young'

published: 01 Dec 2012

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In Bed With Joan - Episode 8: RuPaul

http://www.inbedwithjoan.com/ This week, the iconic RuPaul hops into bed with Joan! In thi...

published: 23 Apr 2013

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Valentine's Day Crafts with Joan Rivers - Martha Stewart

Martha Stewart and her special guest Joan Rivers make cute and creative heart crafts toget...

published: 05 Sep 2014

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Joan Rivers Show with Dolly Parton (1993)

published: 19 Jan 2017

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JOAN RIVERS & JEANNE COOPER TALK PLASTIC SURGERY

mytalkshowheroes JOAN RIVERS SHOW. 1991

published: 09 Oct 2014

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Joan Rivers - "Wild Rivers " | Exclusive Interview

Great Joan Rivers interview 4 years before she passed away. Still as funny, rude and witty...

published: 24 Feb 2017

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Joan Rivers Gets Her Head Shrunk! Great In Depth Interview with Dr Pamela Stephenson official

Joan Rivers Gets Her Head Shrunk! Great In Depth Interview with Dr Pamela Stephenson off...

published: 08 Sep 2014

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Joan Rivers on David Letterman HD Full Interview

David Letterman ,Best of David Letterman ,Late Late Night Show David Letterman, David Lett...

published: 23 May 2015

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Joan Rivers Interview on Parkinson

published: 25 Mar 2017

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Joan Rivers Returns to The Tonight Show

Jimmy welcomes Joan Rivers, who made her first appearance on The Tonight Show 49 years ago...

published: 28 Mar 2014

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Joan Rivers Walks Out of CNN Interview

Joan Rivers became angry at the questions being put to her during a CNN interview and walk...

published: 07 Jul 2014

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Howard Interviews Joan and Melissa Rivers Slag Off Donald Trump!

Sources: https://goo.gl/CZB8PN https://goo.gl/YXxqwa https://goo.gl/2r6WIm https:/...

published: 29 Dec 2016

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Joan Rivers Interview with David Letterman

Joan Rivers Interview with David Letterman. Watch the funny Joan Rivers Interview.

published: 04 Feb 2017

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Joan Rivers leaves Jason Carr speechless

Joan Rivers makes Jason Carr speechless on Fox 2's "The Nine" when he asks her about a pos...

published: 04 Sep 2014

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Joan Rivers Rates That Face! - WWHL

Andy Cohen shows Joan Rivers photos of celebrities who’ve had work done and she rates them...

published: 31 Jul 2014

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Elie Tahari 40 years of fashion_The Creative Influence: Ep. 3

This short film by Mario De Armas shows how luxury fashion designer Elie Tahari came to Ne...

published: 28 Jan 2014

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Billy Bob Teeth "How'd You Get So Rich?"

Famous interview between Joan Rivers and Billy Bob Teeth's creator Jonah White. Courtesy o...

published: 06 Apr 2010

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Pizza With Writers: Nick Malis

Tosh.0 head writer, Nick Malis tells the story of Joan Rivers' last showbiz meeting before...

published: 15 Oct 2015

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Joan Rivers - A Piece of Work Q&A; w/ Joan Rivers

Joan Rivers came to Sundance to support the documentary that tells her story. This is the...

published: 27 Jan 2010

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Joan Rivers leaves Jason Carr speechless...

Joan Rivers Rates That Face! - WWHL...

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GoC in C Northern Command, Lt. Gen Sanjeiv Chachra briefing media persons at Badmibagh continment in Srinagar on Tuesday 08, October 2013. About the end of the operation in Keran sector against militants who trying to inflititrate Lieutenant-General Gurmit Singh 15 core commander is also seen in the picture.

China Threatens To Intensify Border Row If India Does Not Withdraw Troops

Edit WorldNews.com 29 Jun 2017

China warned India on Thursday that if India does not withdraw its troops from “Chinese territory,” they will intensify the current border row as a "precondition" for a "meaningful dialogue" with New Delhi, Indo Asian News Service reported ... China accused India of hindering road construction in Donglong per Bhutan’s orders ... Lu is certain that Indian troops have crossed into Chinese territory and said it is “undeniable." ... ....

photo: AP / Andrew Harnik

Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton speaks to members of the media on her first flight on a new campaign plane before taking off at the Westchester County Airport in White Plains, N.Y., Monday, Sept. 5, 2016, to travel to Cleveland Hopkins International Airport for Labor Day events.

Report: GOP Operative Sought Clinton Emails From Hacker, Claimed Flynn Relationship

Edit WorldNews.com 30 Jun 2017

The Wall Street Journal reported Thursday a Republican opposition researcher implying he worked with Michael Flynn, tried to obtain Hillary Clinton’s emails he believed were hacked by Russia. Peter W ... In July 2016, Comey announced he would not recommend charges be brought against Clinton in the matter ... Flynn's son was at that time his father's chief of staff, the report said....

photo: AP / Evan Vucci

Immigration and Customs Enforcement Acting Director Thomas Homan speaks during the daily press briefing, Wednesday, June 28, 2017, at the White House in Washington.

ICE Acting Director Breaks With Trump On Immigrants, Don't Commit More Crime

Edit WorldNews.com 29 Jun 2017

The top official at the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency on Wednesday appeared to break with one of U.S. President Donald Trump’s key campaign assertions, suggesting he didn’t believe illegal immigrants in the country illegally commit more crimes than Americans, Business Insider reported ... “They already committed one crime by entering the country illegally ... They're bringing crime. They're rapists....

photo: AP / Evan Vucci

Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin speaks during the daily press briefing, Thursday, June 29, 2017, in Washington. (AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

U.S. Hardens Line On China With Bank Sanctions And Arms Sale To Taiwan

Edit WorldNews.com 30 Jun 2017

Still, the U.S. insisted it still wanted to work with China, North Korea's biggest trading partner, to combat the nuclear threat.In a briefing at the White House, Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin, referred to the sanctions the U.S. slapped on the Bank of Dandong, which is accused of illicit dealings with North Korea."We are in no way targeting China with these actions." ... policy by accepting a phone call from Taiwan's president ... said....

photo: Creative Commons / Gage Skidmore

U.S. Congresman Mike Pompeo speaking at CPAC 2012 in Washington, DC,10 February 2012

Trump Given Revised Options For North Korean Response

Edit WorldNews.com 29 Jun 2017

A published report Thursday says U.S. President Donald Trump has received revised options on how to deal with the growing threat of North Korea with one option including a military response should the rogue Asian nation launch a nuclear or ballistic strike against the U.S., two military experts told CNN.The U.S. military is ready and now considers the North Korean threat far more urgent than in the past, U.S ... Newsweek reported....

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Protest Song artists inspire, offer hope

Edit Boston Herald 30 Jun 2017

“The largest protests of the ’60s often featured Joan Baez or Bob Dylan, so I understand why ......

Pin parade! Vanessa Hudgens shows off dancer's legs in tiny pair of black shorts as she steps out in Studio City

Edit This is Money 30 Jun 2017

A large white bag of - presumably - takeaway from Joan's On Third dangled from the crook of her right arm as she emerged from the local cafe ... ....

Fitzgerald denies that Government had any 'political agenda' in the trial

Edit Irish Independent 30 Jun 2017

As news came through of the court verdict, Mr Barry congratulated the six defendants who were all acquitted of the false imprisonment of former Labour leader and then-Tánaiste Joan Burton and her adviser, Karen O'Connell, during anti-water charges protests in Tallaght in November 2014. Mr Barry, a TD for Cork North-Central, said the verdict was "a stunning defeat for the political establishment" ... "Let's save money here ... ....

Jubilation as Jobstown six are all cleared of charges

Edit Irish Independent 30 Jun 2017

There were scenes of jubilation in Dublin Circuit Criminal Court as Paul Murphy TD and five co-accused in the Jobstown trial were found not guilty. Cheers and applause rose up from gathered supporters as the six were cleared of falsely imprisoning former Tánaiste Joan Burton and her adviser at an anti-water charges protest ... Finally, after a 40-day trial, Judge Melanie Greally told them. "You have been found not guilty ... Read More ... ....

Joe Soraghan: Lead by example

Edit Conway Daily Sun 30 Jun 2017

"To play well, you must feel tranquil and at peace. I have never been troubled by nerves in golf because I felt I had nothing to lose and everything to gain." ... Mr ... British autho, P.G ... The Rivers' Edge Quota League saw Bruce Pater post a +6 to take the weekly event ... Taking the top spot at +3 were Joan Loonan and Ken Jones ... Nine under par was the score for the team of John Cowley, Paul Buffelli, Julie Rivers, Jack Collins and Nate Rivers ... ....

Chapecoense to play Barcelona in Joan Gamper Trophy on August 7

Edit AOL 29 Jun 2017

Chapecoense to play Barcelona in Joan Gamper Trophy

Edit Sporting News 29 Jun 2017

Barcelona will host grief-stricken Chapecoense in the Joan Gamper Trophy match at Camp Nou on August 7 to pay tribute to the 71 people who were killed in last year's tragic plane crash ... Barca and Chapecoense will pay homage to the victims in the 52nd edition of the Joan Gamper ... Joan Gamper Trophy to be held on August 7th versus @ChapecoenseReal....

The guilty pleasure of reading Hollywood memoirs

Edit The Los Angeles Times 29 Jun 2017

Joan Crawford or Bette Davis?....

Barcelona to face Brazil's Chapecoense on August 7

Edit DNA India 29 Jun 2017

The winner of the match will receive the Joan Gamper Trophy, named after the Swiss founder of Barcelona ... Barcelona invited Chapecoense in December to play in its annual Joan Gamper friendly tournament but the exact date of the match had not been known until now ... ....

Jobstown trial jury ask to review garda helicopter footage taken at scene

Edit Irish Independent 29 Jun 2017

THE jury in the Jobstown false imprisonment trial has asked to review video footage taken from the garda helicopter of the scene at Jobstown in which former Tanaiste Joan Burton was allegedly falsely imprisoned ... Deputy Paul Murphy has denied falsely imprisoning former Tanáiste Deputy Joan Burton....

Barcelona to face Brazil's tragedy-hit Chapecoense on August 7

Edit DNA India 29 Jun 2017

Jobstown trial: Labour Party reacts to ‘not guilty’ verdicts

Edit The Irish Times 29 Jun 2017

Labour has reacted after Solidarity TD Paul Murphy and five others were found not guilty of the false imprisonment of former party leader Joan Burton and her assistant during a water charges protest in 2014 ... Meanwhile, Independent4Change TD Joan Collins hailed the verdict as “a victory for the ......

Boston and Joan Jett Take Smart Fans to Hyper Space

Edit Houston Press 29 Jun 2017

Boston and Joan Jett & The Blackhearts ... But who’s aged better than Joan Jett? She hit the stage ten minutes past eight with “Victim of Circumstance.” Dressed in a skin-tight, red and black body suit with a matching guitar, she’s sexy as ever and her trademark rasp is still punk a.f ... Joan Jett & The Blackhearts Set List....

Joan Rivers

Joan Rivers Returns to The Tonight Show

Joan Rivers - "Wild Rivers " | Exclusive Interview

Joan Rivers Live At The Apollo Part 1

An Audience With Joan Rivers 1983

Joan Rivers Stand Up - 2013

Joan Rivers - The Graham Norton Show. 30 November 2012. HD.

Joan Rivers last appearance on Tonight Show with Johnny Carson

Joan Rivers on Kanye, Kimye and Kristen Stewart

Joan Rivers Monologue - Saturday Night Live

What's Joan Rivers not had done? - The Graham Norton Show - BBC Two

'Joan Rivers' is featured as a movie character in the following productions:

Iron Man Three (2013)

Quotes:

Romancing the Joan (2013)

The Vigilante (2010)

Chez Joan (2009)

Titans of Justice (2006)

Queer Duck: The Movie (2006)

Quotes:

Not Only But Always (2004)

Quotes:

Shrek 2 (2004)

Quotes:

Serial Mom (1994)

Quotes:

Malta Story (1953)

Rivers, Joan Filmography

Famous quotes by Joan Rivers:

"Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise."

"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it."

"My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on."

"It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom."

"You make the beds, you wash the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again"

"I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor."

"A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp."

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present."

"I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds."

"Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief, and, most of all, fear"

"Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory."

"I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking."

"I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage."

"People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made."

"I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool."

"I could be the Greta Garbo of comedy, very secluded, but Garbo had a man who was beyond rich to support her."

"Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too."

"Both of my parents got to see me host Carson, thank God. That's all anyone wants: to have their parents see they're going to be all right in life."

"It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who."

"My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day."

Joan Rivers

ALBUMS

Don't Start With Me

The Next To Last Joan Rivers Album

What Becomes A Semi-Legend Most?

Mr. Phyllis And Other Funny Stories

Born: 1933-06-08

Died: 2014-09-04

Joan Rivers Returns to The Tonight Show

Joan Rivers - "Wild Rivers " | Exclusive Interview

Joan Rivers Live At The Apollo Part 1

An Audience With Joan Rivers 1983

Joan Rivers Stand Up - 2013

Joan Rivers - The Graham Norton Show. 30 November 2012. HD.

Joan Rivers last appearance on Tonight Show with Johnny Carson

Joan Rivers on Kanye, Kimye and Kristen Stewart

Joan Rivers Monologue - Saturday Night Live

What's Joan Rivers not had done? - The Graham Norton Show - BBC Two

Joan Rivers Returns to The Tonight Show

Joan Rivers - "Wild Rivers " | Exclusive Interview

Joan Rivers Live At The Apollo Part 1

An Audience With Joan Rivers 1983

Joan Rivers Stand Up - 2013

Joan Rivers - The Graham Norton Show. 30 November 2012. HD.

Joan Rivers last appearance on Tonight Show with Johnny Carson

Joan Rivers on Kanye, Kimye and Kristen Stewart

Joan Rivers Monologue - Saturday Night Live

What's Joan Rivers not had done? - The Graham Norton Show - BBC Two

Joan Rivers - "Wild Rivers " | Exclusive Interview

Joan Rivers on David Letterman HD Full Interview

Joan Rivers Gets Her Head Shrunk! Great In Depth Interview with Dr Pamela Stephenson official