You've taken a test and those two magic lines show up. A positive pregnancy test.
Whether you have been trying to conceive for a long, short time or this is a surprise, there is always a moment of 'this can't be real. Can I really be pregnant?'
It's so surreal, and instantly your life begins to change.
If you're like most women you probably won't believe it, so you'll go out and purchase a couple more tests, different brands, just to be sure. No matter how many positive results you get, it still doesn't quite sink in.
There is this invisible reality that you are now faced with and it's a waiting game that you simply have no control over.
The first few weeks of pregnancy can be filled with joy, love, delight and anxiety. So many highs and lows, emotions that we've been taught not to share. We've been conditioned to keep our pregnancies a secret until it is "safe" to do so.
So you still need to act on the surface as if everything is as it once was, but you have new bounce in your step, a secret budding relationship, and only you can fully feel its force. A tiny little life that is blooming away and consuming your every thought and emotion.
And almost instantly the need to pee every five minutes kicks in. Your boobs feel different, tender and tingly.
You wish you could visit the doctor every few days to get blood tests so you can see your HCG levels rise and feel at ease knowing that things are progressing as they should.
You wake in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep no matter how hard you try, thinking about everything and nothing at the same time.
You are overcome with emotion you can't control – like sobbing in a kid's movie for half an hour, really cracking it over something minor, forgetting things, bumping into others.
You become a magnet for seeing stories of miscarriage and other neonatal loss. Whilst you try to remain positive, you know it could just as easily happen to you. At the same time, you are crampy, everything aches, you often feel gushes and instantly think its blood. Every time you go to the toilet and you wipe, you check … just in case.
Usually the hunger and queasiness sets in at the same time. For me it's always been around five weeks. Suddenly you're so hungry every half hour – but then you also feel like you have a hangover 24 hours a day. And even though you aren't actually eating much more than usual you are bloated and already your clothes don't fit.
Sometimes as a new expecting mum, it's hard to sit in silence. And sometimes your partner won't quite get it or understand everything you're feeling. So even if you don't want to share with the world just yet that your pregnant, please find comfort in someone or a group of people. There are amazing forum groups and women out there talking about the things you're experiencing too.
It is okay to be worried, nervous, anxious, in love and happy all at the same time.
Bringing a new life into the world is such a momentous occasion. It brings connection to your partner, and to the little baby you are growing inside you, but also to your sacred femininity. Your divine right as a woman to experience so much love and joy as your baby grows – and this amazing love that blossoms every day.
Know that you will never be alone. Your sisterhood is waiting for you to join them and rejoice in beauty and the magic that you are about to embark on.
