You know how some people absolutely love food? If they're not eating something delicious, they're actively thinking about eating something delicious. They upload pictures of their breakfast with the hasthags #foodporn, #getinmybelly, #nomnomnom, and they enjoy scrolling through pictures of other people's breakfasts, too.
In fact, according a recent British survey, 70 per cent of people report spending "a lot of time thinking or talking about what they are going to eat."
Here's the thing: I'm not one of these people. I'm not one of the 70 per cent. To be honest, I'm probably the polar opposite - an anti-foodie if you will.
I'm someone who genuinely forgets to eat, who'll look up and find it's 2:30pm and the only thing left in the work cafeteria is the dubious looking salad no one else wanted.
(This will never be me.)
And while the survey predicted that Brits will spend a whopping 18 months of their whole entire lives, trying to decide what to eat, it also uncovered that 28 per cent of respondents admit that they quite enjoy this. They enjoy it!
As for me? Well, I'm over here dreaming of a time when we can simply consume a meal in pill form like this ...
Or chewing gum perhaps, à la Charlie and The Chocolate Factory.
(Admittedly that didn't end so well for Violet Beauregarde, but surely we're closer to this kind of food technology now, right?)
As a mum there's also another layer of complexity to the eternal "what are we eating?" question. My son is very different to me: loves food, never forgets to eat, and wants to be fed every single day. Like, at least several times. Can you believe that?
So I now understand where this meme comes from.
Now don't get me wrong, I don't hate food. I love cheese and sushi and tacos and pickles. (I'm not a fan of chocolate, though, which regularly leaves people baffled/appalled.)
But I'd never spend $500 on a meal, a luxury some foodies wouldn't think twice about. I've never been absolutely busting to try a newly-opened restaurant like some of my food-loving mates, or made a foodie bucket list of must-try places around the world. I'm just grateful my biggest challenge is what to cook for dinner, and not where my next meal is coming from, a privilege that not everyone experiences.
Andrew Denton admitted to sharing my sentiments in an interview with Nigella Lawson on his program Enough Rope back in 2008.
"I have a bit of an awkward confession to make," he told the domestic goddess. "I find food to be frankly an interruption to the day. It is not that I do not like it, but for me it is basically a fuel stop."
"I think that's a great loss for you," she said.
Like Andrew, I had a GP say something very similar once when I admitted my own ambivalence around the pleasure of food. "But that's just so sad," he said at the time. And he genuinely meant it, genuinely didn't understand how I couldn't wax lyrical over a bowl of creamy pasta or a perfectly cooked steak.
Foodies simply can't relate to my eat-to-live, rather than live-to-eat mentality - just as I don't share their proclivities for surfing food porn on Instagram.
The thing is though, I do understand why food is such a central part of most people's lives. I know many - including the domestic goddess herself - see eating as a completely sensuous experience, and one of life's simple pleasures. Trying new restaurants and discovering new cuisines, is something lots of couples enjoy doing together, just like others enjoy cycling or going to the gym.
I enjoy the social aspect of eating, the joy of sitting around a table with loved ones and sharing stories over a glass of wine. But I'd be just as happy eating fairy bread as I would eating foie gras.
Tell me I'm not the only one?