My babies have just turned one year old. It's amazing to see how they've grown from tiny, skinny premmies into two boisterous near-toddlers who're busy exploring the world.
Facebook keeps reminding me of how small my girls were a year ago with it's memory suggestions. Looking back at those photos of hospitals and seeing how overwhelmed but happy we were took my mind straight back to that wondrous and utterly exhausting time of brand new parenthood.
I remember our lovely friends dropping food off at our doorstep and coming by for quick chats. They stayed just long enough to hear us go on and on about having the most beautiful babies in the whole wide world, and then headed off again.
If you want to be remembered as an awesome friend too, here are some things that are no-nos when visiting new parents.
1. Don't overstay your welcome
New mums are exhausted. Giving birth is possibly the hardest thing they've ever done and instead of having a week or two to recover from the drudgery, there's a baby who wants to be fed and cuddled around the clock. At the same time mums are also super proud and want to show off the new addition. Your job is to tell them that they have indeed the most beautiful baby you've ever laid eyes on, and then leave so they can have a nap.
2. Don't show up empty handed
This is not about presents. By all means bring some (or don't). But bring some food, a cup of coffee, or give the new mum a call before you arrive to ask if there's anything she needs you to pick up from the shops.
3. Don't just sit on your bum
After you've cooed over the baby, make yourself useful. Seriously. Don't expect to be served. Take over the kitchen and make Mum a coffee. Then go on to hang up some washing, throw out the stinky nappies, do the dishes or ask where else you can be helpful.
4. Don't come if you have the sniffles
Newborns are such defenseless little mites who are just starting to develop their immune system. So if you think you simply can't wait to see that most wonderful little baby even though your nose is running, hold your horses. You don't want your present to be her first cold.
5. Don't insist on grabbing the baby
Some mums are super happy for you to take the baby off their arms so they can finally go to the loo, stretch or take a breather. Others feel that they have waited nine months (or practically their whole life) to meet their baby and don't want to let him or her go just yet. Some newborns also don't react well to being overhandled. While the baby will love your attempts at playing peek-a-boo in a few months time, right now it might have problems feeding and settling if there's too much excitement.
6. Don't forget to wash your hands
The world is one dirty place. There are claims that even computer keyboards harbour five times as many bacteria than a toilet seat and paper money can supposedly transport a live flu virus for up to 17 days. So before you get your dirty paws anywhere close to the baby give them a good scrub.
7. Don't leave a mess behind
If you've had a cuppa, a tasty treat or brought presents then make sure to tidy up after you. You don't want to leave the new mama with dirty dishes, messy tables and wrapping paper all over the show when you leave. If you brought your children along make sure they don't leave anything behind either.
8. Don't be a smart arse
Even if you've raised 10 children single-handedly and think you know everything there is to know about breastfeeding and getting babies to sleep, hold your tongue. If the new mum wants to dip into your wealth of knowledge, she will ask. Until then, give her a chance to figure things out for herself without everybody dumping their opinions on her.
See, it's not all that difficult! And now go and meet that new baby.
Jule Scherer writes about her first steps as a mum of twin girls. Follow her on Facebook.
- Stuff.co.nz