By Darren Kane
About two years ago now, I met a man. Out of respect I shan't identify him; other than to say he is both a gentleman, and ridiculously exceptional lunch company. Anyway, at some point during our encounter, chatter turned – as it invariably does – to putting the world to rights. Not long thereafter, it became evident that the man sitting right across from me had once been a close personal friend of a Colonel Harland D. Sanders; late of Louisville, Kentucky.
Succinctly put, my companion had me at "Colonel". That whole "six degrees of separation" thing – I'm not certain the rule properly extends to the departed (Colonel Sanders died in 1980) but here I was, two degrees separated from he who conceived the "11 secret herbs and spices".
I was reminded of this "sliding doors" moment, on learning earlier this week of the passing of Sam Panopolous, aged 83. Though his name won't resonate with more than a scant few of you dear readers, the late Mr Panopolous' claim to fame is that he's the one widely credited of officiating in that despicable marriage between pineapple, and the gift from the gods which is pizza.
Let's not mess about with matters of such importance: pineapple is disgusting. Pineapple on a pizza is worse. Part of me wishes that after I leave this earth, a pizza parlour is opened in my honour – it somehow seems apt. But if after I depart this vale my heirs do have thoughts to please my ghost, it won't be enough to open a pizza parlour; just as it wouldn't be enough to forgive a sinner and wink at some homely girl. No, DK's Pizzas must eschew the pineapple, in all its evil guises. Which, in a long-way-round-the-village sense, brings me this question: could it be, that the perfectly imperfect Australian Rugby League Commission is about to become as acceptable as is the fusion of pineapple chunks with shaved ham, melted mozzarella and tomato sauce?
Spicy mix: What would Colonel Sanders make of the new ARLC?Credit: Fairfax Media
It's well chronicled that the 16 NRL clubs and the NSW and Queensland state leagues want direct representation on the ARL Commission. But what price do NRL clubs place, on securing their own leather boardroom chairs? Reports this week by Fairfax Media suggest that the Queensland Rugby League will likely scotch any push for the constitutional reconstruction, except if a $20 million funding tap is opened up, with the pipeline directed north of the Tweed. And like always, it comes back to money.
Six months' ago I wrote in this column that ARL Commission chairman John Grant was a dead man walking, as much as anything else because of the simple fact that rugby league – distinguished from almost any other sport in this country – thrives through the existence of hate. Since that column, it's of course the case that Grant has fallen on his own sword, and declared that he won't seek reappointment beyond next February, either as an ARLC director or its chairman.
Which may well appease the Ndrangheta of this "greatest game of all" for all of three weeks or so, but Grant's impending departure achieves nothing beyond the symbolic. Under the present corporate structure of the ARLC, its chairman is but one of a maximum of eight directors (the ARLC presently has six).
And while on that point, much seems to be made in the argument for adding club and state representative directors, that the chairman of the newly-constituted ARL Commission won't have a second, casting vote. Yet even a cursory inspection of the current constitution reveals that John Grant doesn't have a casting vote now.
That the ARL Commission ever was touted as being "independent" is a fallacy in itself. The very existence of the Commission, under its present governance model, is held together by thumb tacks and duct tape. That the Commission's structure has not been bulldozed in the little over five years since it was implemented is due largely to the fact the confederacy of 18 organisations comprising the NRL's elite clubs and the NSW and Queensland state leagues would struggle, more times than not, to agree on what day of the week it is.
Under the ARL Commission's constitution, the clubs and state leagues indeed have no voting powers in respect of matters of general business. Rather, voting rights are limited to specific resolutions concerning the removal and remuneration of directors (and the appointment of directors in emergency situations); the disciplining of members and specified "special majority" matters. One of those special matters is where the ARL Commission's governance model is amended or replaced, including as to the recomposition of the board of directors. In such circumstances, at least 15 NRL clubs plus each of the NSW and Queensland state leagues must vote unequivocally, in favour of change. Pausing there, this is where things get a little tangled. The ARL Commission is the national governing body for the whole of the sport; its responsibilities stretch beyond running an elite "super sport" competition such as the NRL. The role of the ARLC encompasses responsibilities for fostering, developing and providing adequate funding for the whole of the sport, from the junior to the elite levels.
The elemental flaw in the structure of the ARL Commission is that the clubs and state leagues are members at all – each should be attached to the governing body through some form of participation, funding and licensing agreement, but independence is a folly while the stakeholders can upend the table. In the event the NRL franchisees can agree on a revised constitutional model, there's no doubt it will be forced through. But make no mistake, any notion of independence or good governance for the whole of the sport dies forever with that resolution.
But the next problem arises by reason that the "members" of the Commission with the power are two state leagues and the elite clubs. Organisations such as the Victorian and Western Australian state bodies aren't members. Referees' associations and other groups have no voice. And explain to me, if you're going to have an all-encompassing and representative church, why exactly do the 400-odd NRL players and countless other elite footballers have no actual voting right through the Rugby League Players' Association or otherwise? Inspect the constitution of the Australian governing body for any Olympic sport – athletes' commissions have board representation.
And as for the perennial "grassroots" (I detest that term) funding argument – I am a director of the NSW Junior Rugby Leagues' Association. I know how much of the $350 million the ARL Commission received in the last financial year ends up ACTUALLY fertilising those grass roots; and supporting the thousands of volunteers that feed players into the elite pathways.
Three parts of bugger all, that's how much. Which is about as acceptable as pineapple on a pizza.