The French never cease to amaze, do they?
First they elect a suave, metrosexual, pro-European President, flinging him in the faces of Anglo-Saxon troglodytes lining up behind Donald Trump and Theresa May on the way to various exits.
Now comes the news that McDonald's restaurants in France are offering cutlery with some of their burgers, along with table service.
The plastic knives and forks will be handed out to diners who order pricey "signature" burgers at the country's 1400 outlets, according to British newspaper The Telegraph.
But who eats a hamburger with a knife and fork?
The French do, it seems: Franck Pinay-Rabaroust, editor of the online gastronomy magazine Atabula, quoted in The Telegraph story, says:Â "The French still think eating with your hands is not chic."
Someone should tell the French that also not chic is tackling a hamburger – even in a soft bun – with a plastic knife and fork. There is no way to do that chicly.
And excuse my foody snobbism, but how is eating anything in a chainstore fast-food joint chic, with or without your hands?
The French have fallen prey to a common fallacy about burgers: a hamburger isn't a meal, it's a snack. Having one for dinner, unless you're 12 years old and want to pick the lettuce out and leave it limp on your plate, is just wrong, and will only leave you feeling like you haven't had dinner at all.
Sitting down to eat a burger with a knife and fork compounds the mistake, because a hamburger is, essentially, a sandwich, and sandwiches, as we know, are made to be eaten with one hand while you play cards, late at night, with the other – like John Montagu, the 18th century Earl of Sandwich, is reported to have done.
Xavier Royaux, the head of marketing at McDonald's France, says the company has introduced cutlery to keep up with: "AÂ reorganisation of the burger market and an expansion of product offerings, including the gourmet burger."
The "gourmet burger" development includes chefs such as Eric Frechon offering a foie gras version, and artisanal burgers replacing steak frites as the go-to at eateries around the country.
But when it comes to the reorganisation of the burger market, I'm with American chef David Chang when he writes: "I do not like a burger with a bunch of s---Â on it."
(Chang probably still gets hate mail from Australians for saying our burgers – with fried egg and beetroot – are the world's worst.)
Bun, beef, cheese, iceberg lettuce, secret sauce – that's all it takes. So keep your hands off my hamburger, Monsieur McDonald. And keep the cutlery in the drawer.
Matt Holden is a Fairfax Media columnist.
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