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Dear Mia Freedman: How dare you shame women

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Dear Mia,

I'm not usually a fan of the open letter but in this instance I felt compelled - you seemed to think it was OK to make public what was in essence your denigration of Bad Feminist author Roxane Gay, so I'm going to make public my response.

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Roxane Gay slams Mamamia

The acclaimed feminist author took to Twitter in response to a podcast and its description which she says was "cruel and humiliating".

I'm not sure what made you think you had the right to publicly draw attention to Ms Gay's weight issues, particularly in such a scathing manner disguised as what - being caring(?): "Can she fit in the lift?"

Or what, from your throne of medical expertise, you described as "super morbidly obese". I'd probably counteract that by saying that your words were, anecdotally, super unnecessary and super hurtful.

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Your weak justification seemed to be along the lines of "she'd written about it in her memoir, thus we all have carte blanche to also offer our own commentary".

First, a person's memoir is their record of their own life events from their perspective - which is why they are the one who wrote it.

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So it's not really your role to comment on the issues the author has written about in such a personal and derogatory manner.

I work as a doctor in family medicine. Before this I was a physiotherapist with a strong interest in women's health. I've noticed in your blog you've often expressed your admiration for the medical profession, so I'd like to use this platform to offer you some more advice. Don't talk about people's weight publicly in a way that makes them feel ashamed. You've got daughters, right? Aside from encouraging them to be healthy and happy, I'd suggest you don't talk about weight too much at all.

How do I know this?

I have the privilege every single day of listening to my patients, who ask me for my advice about their weight, their blood sugar, their cholesterol levels. They want to know their vitamin D, their folate, whether they're exercising enough. Do you think people who are overweight don't realise? Do you not think every kilogram for them is a personal war zone? They don't need to be told by people like you that they're overweight because, believe me Mia, they already know.

They're obsessed with fixing their health not only because they want to prevent heart disease and type two diabetes, but also because society regularly reminds them that they are a subclass of citizen. Sometimes women will break down and cry because they can't shed the weight they put on after having their baby and the mothers' groups they attend make them feel as if they are failing.

They don't want to admit food acts as a comfort because the memory of their birth was traumatic enough - not to mention the ongoing incontinence and sexual dysfunction they're dealing with because "it's not something we really like to talk about and is part of the cross we bear being women".

What were you thinking when you published your podcast, knowing full well (or didn't you realise, did you even read the book you seemed so keen to discuss?) that the author had been gang-raped when she was 12 and, after this, was psychologically damaged to an extent that even as a doctor I cannot begin to imagine?

Did you consider any of these things when you decided to throw a fellow woman and writer under the proverbial bus? It seems you didn't. That makes me feel angry and defeated. I see daily the collateral damage caused by comments like yours and those made by other people who are careless with the feelings of their fellow human beings. You've chosen to put yourself in the public eye and, believe it or not, people read what you say and take it to heart.

I implore you from the privileged position that you are in to take stock of your media presence and power, and hold yourself to a higher standard than what your podcast indicates you do.

Whether or not I think it's appropriate that media personalities should be allowed to comment flippantly on health issues is a debate for another day. Meanwhile, the situation is as it stands and surely we should be kind and empower the women of today and tomorrow, rather than be catty and malicious under the guise of reporting what is in the public interest.

In fact, the only thing in the public interest now as a result of your efforts is, yet again, the ways in which women still try to bring each other down. Which is, as I'm sure you're aware, an enormous step in the wrong direction.

Dr Sonia Henry is a Sydney family medical practitioner.

Originally published on smh.com.au as 'Dear Mia Freedman: How dare you shame women'.

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