It can be hard to make and keep friends as an autistic woman. The world of face-to-face communication is a maze I often find very difficult to get in and out of.
The way nature, colours, dreams, crystals, numbers, planets, books and animals communicate makes a lot more sense to me. So using a tarot deck is like having regular coffee dates with a friend who responds to my questions with images and symbols, rather than spoken words. Learning about the cards through websites like Learn Tarot has been helpful, too, because I'm OK with written words – they stay where I can see them.
But the way I function is the antithesis to what most people want from those closest to them. Run into me at the supermarket, and I've got earplugs in. Ask me how I am, and I give too much information, or I fall silent and need space. Suggest I do anything that might involve changing my routine, and I won't be able to get back to you for weeks. At a coffee shop you may prefer to sit inside because it's winter and, like, duh. But, for me, it needs to be outside or I feel trapped. If you're sad, but you say you're OK, it could take me a month to realise that was the case.
The cards have become an essential part of how I navigate day-to-day life, because they allow me to slow down in a world where I often feel rushed, frantic and overwhelmed by having to speak and make decisions. Lighting some candles, pouring a glass of wine or a hot cup of tea and sitting down with the Rider Waite Tarot – the deck of all decks – is such a comforting ritual because it invites me to see everything in my life on an equal playing field, without judgement.
The cards never lie, and they never let me lie. Just like a good friend, the tarot never takes away my free will or ability to change direction.
My boyfriend and I are together because of a reading I did that said I was making a beeline for The Hermit. Now, as you can imagine, The Hermit isn't the most romantic card in the deck. I mean, I like The Hermit, he's a wise dude, and in many respects he represents everything that lies at the core of an autistic individual. But I'd been cooped up in my room for weeks and, through that reading, I realised I was ready to go through the motions of trying to connect with the world again.
So, in an attempt to shift the energy, I contacted my best friend. He told me to come over, and we've been in a romantic relationship ever since.
Working with the tarot has helped me learn to trust myself. The cards mirror back to me who I am, and what I really want. Sometimes I do one-card readings for a quick sense of the energy around an issue, or a three-card reading, which touches on where things are at, what I could do, and a possible outcome. Then there's a Celtic Cross, Tree of Life or Relationship spread if I want to get a bit more intimate with any given issue or question.
Some people argue that doing readings for yourself is redundant because, supposedly, humans are deeply biased creatures. The temptation when presented with the tarot's perspective can be denial, rather than growth. Like, "excuse me, tarot, but … Three of Swords? Really? I only look at his Instagram when I'm, like, really, really bored." Or, "High Priestess? Wah? It's totally time to act! They might run out of stock in that colour!"
But I'd be wary of those who claim that doing readings for yourself is useless – particularly if they're interested in giving you a reading and getting paid for it.
As New York Times bestselling author, speaker and OB/GYN, Dr Christiane Northrup says in her recently released book, Making Life Easy, "so-called supernatural powers are available to anyone who cares to learn them. So don't get caught up with those who use them to gain power… I've found it infinitely practical to pull cards to help me make decisions on everything from which restaurant to order from to whether to say yes or no to an offer."
The cards never lie, and they never let me lie.
The tarot is wise in ways beyond what the mind can comprehend. Since the reading I did which led me into the arms of the man I love, I've discovered how his nature is very like that of The Hermit. According to astrology and numerology, he is The Hermit.
So when it comes to steering my way through a world that can feel eternally foreign, it's comforting to know that, hands down, the tarot is my BFF.
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