Recently in Religious Tat Category

Today's stunning bargain is this Mercury Retrograde Spray from the Daily OM. It can be yours for a mere $17.95 for a 4oz bottle, which translates as nearly 11 quid for 113.6ml. So, what does this remarkable substance do?

The Mercury Retrograde Balancer Spray is a tool to help influence the powerful positive and negative mental and energetic effects of Mercury retrograde.… To Use: Spray around yourself and your home and work space to protect you from the negative effects of Mercury in retrograde.

Apparently, when Mercury goes retrograde one often feels mentally wobbly, forgetful, and introverted. Mentally wobbly enough, it seems, to buy something like this!

Thanks to Geri Corvus for drawing this fabulous product to my attention. The site also looks like it will feature in Bargain of the Day in future.

• Italy: Catholic church gives blessing to iPhone app—BBC News, 7th February 2011.
• Uganda: Woman stripped in market for witchcraft—Uganda People News, 8th February 2011.
• Swaziland: Drama as prophet probes resident for witchcraft—Times of Swaziland, 8th February 2011.
• India: Sorcerers target Soudha again—Times of India, 8th February 2011.
• Romania: Fortune tellers whose predictions do not come true could face prison like all other fraudsters. Hard-hit by recession, Romania considering getting even tougher on witches—The Canadian Press, 8th February 2011.
• India: Rationalists strike back, all set to nail the facade of ‘religious magic’—Daily News and Analysis, 8th February 2011.
• Indonesia: Muslim mob burns, ransacks churches in Indonesia—AFP, 8th February 2011.
• Wales: North Wales UFO ‘crash’ is back in the spotlight—The Leader, 8th February 2011.
• United States: 'UFO Phil' Wants to Put a Pyramid on Pikes Peak—AOL News, 8th February 2011.

Today's fabulous offer is not, as it might seem at first, an umbrella which was seen by Jesus himself. The seller of Umbrella Jesus Image Seen Worldwide Featured In Book simply needs to win an auction for some punctuation.

Up for auction I have a truly AMAZING item. This is an umbrella with the image of Jesus Christ on the cross. I have had this umbrella for many years and some how pictures of it that I had on my computer leaked onto Youtube. I do not know how but the author of the new book Look It's Jesus Amazing Holy Visions in Everyday Life saw them and contacted me. He wanted more pictures and permission to use them in this new book he was working on. I gave him my permission and in exchange he sent me an autographed copy of the book when it was released which you can see from the picture. (THE BOOK IS NOT INCLUDED IN THIS AUCTION).

The editor of Entertainment Weekly loved Look! It's Jesus! so much that she put it in the Jan. 22, 2010 issue.

I will not tell the story of when and how I found the umbrella because it is all featured in the book. Which is a very interesting book by the way. But it is an interesting story.

Again this is the actual umbrella that is featured in this book as "Umbrella Jesus". This is not a man-made item or a scam. I even have the original picture I sent to the publisher on a disc somewhere and if I find it I will send it along with the item but once you see the umbrella you will see that it is the real deal.

It is hard to see from the pictures but looking at the umbrella, which is worn all the way around, the one side you can clearly see Jesus with his arms spread and his legs crossed and you can see his head bowing down with hair and a beard.

I would not recommend trying to use this umbrella because it is older and has some wear but it is a truly amazing item.

This item has truly been a blessing to me and I hope it will be a blessing to you.

OWN A PIECE OF HISTORY!!!!!

I have to admit, I cannot clearly see Jesus. I can clearly see a pair of nicely rounded buttocks framing a rather well-used arsehole, though.

It's not often that the vendor of religious tat is truly aware of the nature of their wares, but this eBay vendor puts it right there in the title of the auction: Holy Bandz 1 Dozen Christian Wrist Bands silly.

They also come in glitter.

England: The Church of England has come clean and admitted that Easter is nothing but an appropriated pagan festival. The admission isn't intentional, though. The Church is producing a product to remind people of the real meaning of Easter. Their choice of symbol? An egg, starring their highly original zombie deity. Perhaps they'd like to further remind us by crucifying a few rabbits?

Church of England egg hopes to unveil the true meaning of Easter-The Guardian, 30th September 2010.

It's a week or so to go to Channukah, so it's time for our regular visit to Jewish Source to see what bargains they have on offer. First up is a nifty Menorah Hat. At least they admit it's silly:

Oh, lighten up! Okay, maybe it's a little over-the-top, but we think it adds to the fun of the holiday. Made for adult (but young at heart) sized heads, though there is an elastic cincher with Velcro closure so the hat can be made smaller.

If barkingly inappropriate is more your style, there's always this Noah's Ark menorah. No, the story of Noah has no connection with Channukah whatsoever.

Or how about a snowglobe? That's nice and seasonal. This Draydel Man Musical Water Globe plays I Have a Little Draydel, of course.

One of the claims made in favour of religion is that is inspires great art. Today's bargain offers a strong counterpoint to that argument. In case you are wondering, the item in question is a hand-made figurine or, in the words of its creator, Ooak polymer clay mini girl and worship flag. There are many, many more pictures on the auction page, where we learn that this is not a one-off, but part of The Worship Collection from Mar’s little Universe.

Hello from The Mar's little Universe Nursery. This is my 2nd in the worship mini collection. She is a full sculpt of polymer clay with blue glass bead eyes, and light blonde wavy(very out of control) mohair. Her robe is white w/purple hearts, and her flag is swirled white onto purple. She was lightly blushed on the face w/artist acrylic paint(a little gloss on her lips) and lightly sprayed with a satin finish on her body and flag. I also marked her on the bottom. This is totally my creation inspired by my own worship time with flags to my amazing loving God, and like the rest of my creations-no molds either. It is a very true original one of a kind in every way!

Thank you for looking. I know this is not perfect, but she is made with love. Note: This is not a toy..and should not be given to small children.

Presumably because it would frighten them. It's nice to know they're meant to be hearts, too, as I was wondering as to the religious significance of a cowhide dress. And note she says she was inspired by God to create this, so no more of the great art argument, okay?

Not wanting to step on the toes of What Not to Crochet, but there are some bizarre religious patterns out there. For example, there's this Venus of Willendorf doll. The same designer has also come up with a really impressive Kali and the Virgin Mary, which is an interesting threesome really.

Another Goddess can be found in the form of Blessed Elements' Goddess for all Seasons, and the patterns for decorating her for spring, summer, autumn and winter.

Those inclined towards East Asian traditions can make themselves a Maneki Neko. And we must not forget Cthulhu.

Not a toy, but really, just read the explanation of this pattern: Goddess Blessed Study Bookmark.

This amuses me:

via Failblog

I'm not exactly sure what BioGenesis is, but it looks pretty. The website isn't exactly helpful, either.

BioGenesis is the Birth of Creation. We instill the remembrance of the Process of Creation into a glass, and that glass radiates, or re-educates, its environment with the memory of the Process of Creation. Restoring the memory of this Process within an individual or object creates a living system—it becomes living matter. While this ancient technology has not been on Earth since the days of Atlantis, Ascended Masters recently re-introduced this effective energy to the World....

BioGenesis creates harmony. Harmony is structured quite simply, quite effectively, by strengthening the inherent qualities of a region. And, this is accomplished by enlivening the sequence of Initial Rotations. This is BioGenesis.

The energy placed in the glass items is Genesis™ Energy, an energy which, although many millions of years old, has not been on Earth since the days of Atlantis. Ascended Masters have recently re-introduced this Energy to Earth.

The site includes full list of products, with brief descriptions of what they allegedly do.

The Flame of Genesis directs and focuses the Light of Genesis. It supports the healing of physical traumas, degenerative conditions and diseases, non-functioning organs and many more conditions.

And there is the obligatory piece of patriotic religious tat:

The Bell of Genesis is used to ring Victory over America, to protect America and to protect your home.

Today's bargain is not religious tat, and it's not even available yet. It's even something which, assuming it's supported, is likely to find its way onto the Prattle Towers iPod Touches.

Digital Jokers, a Spain-based developer of mobile games, has announced plans to bring a graphical adventure game based on H.P. Lovecraft’s legendary horror stories to the iPhone. “Call of Cthulhu: The Darkness Within"? is due for release sometime in September, according to the developer...

The game, billed as “the first graphic adventure for mobiles,"? is based on the award-winning role playing game published by Chaosium.

‘Call of Cthulhu’ game headed to iPhone—Macworld, 4th September 2008.

Red Wolf mailed me a most interesting link over the weekend, highlighting a pair of iPhone apps of interest to observant Jews with a food fetish.

iBlessing ... shows a plate filled with food--no traif, of course. Clicking on the meat, fruit, bread, wine, etc., brings up the blessing you should say over the item in question. The app has additional bonus blessings as well, for events like hand washing and the after meal grace.

The other application is of no use to vegan Jews whatsoever, being to do with the prohibition on eating meat and dairy together.

ParveOMeter, counts down the amount of time until you can eat dairy after meat and vice versa. The milk to meat setting is customisable depending on how kosher you are (zero minutes to an hour), but the meat to milk timer keeps ticking for six whole hours. The app keeps you on track too, since there is no easy way to manually stop the timer.

But there's others, that Gizmodo chose not to highlight! KosherMe is

... a beautiful Bentscher for your iPhone. It puts the Blessings ("Brachot") you should say before and after eating something (including Birkat Hamazon) right at your fingertips.

Additionally KosherMe contains a (growing) number of wonderful prayers and blessings, e.g. the Complete Bedtime Shma, Tfillat Haderech and other useful blessings.

Then there's Siddur:

Take your weekday siddur with you with this feature-packed Jewish prayer book. You'll get Ashkenaz, Sfrard and Sefarad Mizrachi versions of davening, including weekday Shacharis, Mincha, Maariv, standard Brachos and more. Real time Zmanim will give you the prayer times for each day based on your location determined with the iPhone's GPS. A Minyanim database will help you find nearest shul. A Luach or Jewish Calendar will aid you in your prayer services.

... and Tehilim, which is a mobile version of the Psalms. Just remember to not use any of these between sunset Friday and sunset Saturday.

iBlessing and ParveOMeter iPhone Apps Make You a Kosher Keeping Mensch—Gizmodo Australia, 18th August 2008.

Malta: Okay, so this product is not deliberately marketed at neopagans, but I bet they buy it:

Meridiana Wine Estate has launched its third white wine called Astarte, inspired by the Phoenician goddess of fertility worshipped in Malta during the Punic period. Astarte is based on the Vermentino grape, a Mediterranean wine grape variety which is ideal for Malta's climatic conditions.

New wine toasts fertility goddess—Times of Malta, 7th August 2008. See also Bargain of the Day: L'Chaim!, The Prattle, 18th October 2004.