Recently in Ho! Ho! Ho! Category

Northern Ireland:

But the sight became too much for Mr Graham's Christian beliefs and he politely asked the filming to stop."


SO, a good-looking pop singer, is, by beach standards, even in N. Ireland, dressed, but it's too much for a christian.
One wonders about "god".
Given that he's supposed to have created men and women, do we think he'd be offended as well?

I think my brain hurts.

Rihanna ordered to cover up by Christian farmer
—Daily Telegraph, Tuesday 27th September 2011

UK:

A study using census data from nine countries shows that religion there is set for extinction, say researchers.

The study found a steady rise in those claiming no religious affiliation.

The team's mathematical model attempts to account for the interplay between the number of religious respondents and the social motives behind being one.

The result, reported at the American Physical Society meeting in Dallas, US, indicates that religion will all but die out altogether in those countries.

Religion may become extinct in nine nations, study says ....

Religion may become extinct in nine nations—BBC News, 22nd March 2011.

Fed up with Christian revisionists pretending that the winter solstice has anything whatsoever to do with their imaginary friend, Holte Ende has started up his own campaign: Let's put Woden back in Wednesday.

Of course, some fundie bampots have already noticed Satan’s false system of naming the days of the week, and also the months. Apparently

Satan has attempted to change all the things that God has set in place for us to determine when is the correct time to worship Him. Worship on the wrong day is not honouring God our Father and obeying the Commandments.

That particular site, belonging to an Australian church, does have the decency to admit that Christmas is not a Christian festival, though.

The Bible does not tell us to keep any holy day in the 11th month or in December. But, once again, Satan substituted a pagan festival of the Saturnalia, and linked it with Christ’s supposed birthday, and tales of Santa Claus.

In fact, they have an entire leaflet explaining how unchristian the festival is. For added amusement, the organisation behind the site is headquartered in a town called Woden.

United States: Newspapers usually only prank their readers on April 1st, but the Arkansas Sunday Post (bringing you the biggest stories for the tiniest minds, every Sunday!) appears to be engaging in a bit of festive tomfoolery. I mean, there is no way on earth this story can be true, is there?

Arkansas church ban popular carol promoting homosexuality. Protests grow.

The church in question is Saint Catherine and Angelic Martyrs in Puftville, the very name of the town making the story suspicious, but what makes it really doubtful is the apt name given to the pastor: Randy Pillock!

Explaining his decision, he points out, The second verse is the problematic part. The first line ‘Don we now our gay apparel’ is clearly incongruent with our values. The outrage doesn’t stop there for Pastor Pillock who explains that the third verse is an homage to a ‘Blazing Yule.’

He is not alone in his views though. Church stalwart, Ted Trotter agrees, This carol has been part of the gay agenda for years and it really is time to put a stop to it. It’s unbelievable that we have been singing it unnoticed for all these years.

Nice try.

Gay carol ban: No more Deck the Halls—Arkansas Sunday Post, 16th December 2009 (not a Sunday!)

United States: Some schools have a system whereby non-profit organisations may give flyers to schoolchildren. A recent court ruling affirmed that, to avoid church and state issues, the system had to be made available to all non-profits, or none at all. The case was brought by an organisation run by preacher Jerry Falwell.

The dispute started last summer when Gabriel and Joshua Rakoski, twins who attend Hollymead Elementary School, sought permission to distribute fliers about their church's Vacation Bible School to their peers via backpack mail. Many public schools use special folders placed in student backpacks to distribute notices about schools events and sometimes extra-curricular activities to parents.

School officials originally denied the request from the twins' father, Ray Rakoski, citing a school policy barring distribution of literature that is for partisan, sectarian, religious or political purposes.

A Charlottesville weekly newspaper, The Hook, reports that Rakoski sicced the Liberty Counsel on the county, and the policy was soon revised to allow religious groups to use the backpack mail system. Liberty Counsel is a Religious Right legal group founded by Mathew Staver and now affiliated with Falwell.

So, when a Unitarian Universalist congregation used the system to advertise an event about the pagan origins of Christmas, followed by a Yule celebration, who got all upset about it? Yep, Christians.

Suddenly not everyone was pleased by the open forum. Jeff Riddle, pastor of Jefferson Park Baptist Church in Charlottesville, wrote on his personal blog, If the school allows the Baptist or Methodist church to send home a note to its students about Vacation Bible School, it also has to allow the Unitarian Church to send home a note about its 'Pagan ritual to celebrate Yule'....This kind of note adds weight to the argument that it is high time for Christians to leave public schools for reasonable alternatives (homeschooling and private Christian schools).

Another conservative Christian blogger in the county complained about finding the flier in her child's folder. Apparently unaware of Falwell's role in bringing it about, the blogger who goes by the name Cathy, noted disclaimer language at the bottom of the flier noting that the event is not connected to the school and wrote, They [the school officials] aren't endorsing or sponsoring this? Then it shouldn't have been included in the Friday folders. The Friday folders have never been used for any thing other than school work and school board and/or County sanctioned/sponsored programs.

And the stushie soon came to the notice of the fundies at World Net Daily:

Amazing — government schools ban orthodox Christianity, but allow an openly pagan organization to proselytize six-year-olds! one observer who asked for anonymity told WND...

The banner also displays three symbols: a cross, a Star of David and a pentagram — a star enclosed in a circle — often associated with paganism, witches groups such as Wicca, and even Satanism.

At least the World Nut Daily can tell the difference between a pentacle and a pentagram, unlike most Neopagans these days.

Andrew Ian Dodge also pointed me towards a forum discussion of the issue, where one or two people were a little upset about it.

I'm shocked that people think this would hold up. What about local control? Aren't local standards used to define what is obscene?

I thank God for Christian schools!

Obviously, the obscenity in question must be the gruesome method of execution depicted on the flyer.

Falwell’s Flub: Jerry-Rigged Policy Opens Door For Pagan Proselytizing In Virginia Public School—The Wall of Separation, 5th December 2006;Pagan Christmas ritual pressed on young kids—World Net Daily, 8th December 2006.

To get you in the mood for the festive season, here's a delightful rendition of 'O Holy Night'.

The Guardian has published a number of stories of interest recently.

• Government plans not to give our money to groups that are too tightly bonded around religious ... identities. No doubt this will affect mostly persons of hue, and not those Christian groups who wish to promote cohesiveness by converting the lot of us. Funds crackdown on religious groups and Blair to crack down on funding for religious groups—The Guardian, 8th December 2006.
• US religious right terrified by wanted child, non-accidental pregnancy. Why are pregnant lesbians scary?—The Guardian, 8th December 2006.
• "Truth" in Science told to bugger off, and take their religious bollocks with them. Ministers to ban creationist teaching aids in science lessons—The Guardian, 7th December 2006.
• Axial tilt is the reason for the season, part 3857 of many million. The phoney war on Christmas—The Guardian, 8th December 2006.
• And finally, something to make for the festive season. Martin Rowson's politics Christmas cards—The Guardian.

Sheesh, Hallowe'en isn't over yet, and we're being nagged about yuletide! Yeshua_is_king@yahoo.com is a regular contributor to newsgroups such as alt.conspiracy, and seems to be a Jehovah's Witness of some sort. His contributions are rather interesting, his latest drawing connections between the Garden of Eden, willies, bodily fluids, chakras and Christmas trees.

In case all the nonsense from evangelical Christians had left you confused about the festive season, the kind folk at Astronomy Picture of the Day have posted a graphic reminder of what it is we celebrate at this time of year.

As the seasons change, the direction toward the rising Sun will change, too. The Sun will always rise and set furthest to the south during the day of Winter Solstice, and furthest to the north during Summer Solstice. Today is Winter Solstice, the day of least sunlight in the Northern Hemisphere and of most sunlight in the Southern Hemisphere. In many countries, the Winter Solstice brings a change in season, as it is the first day of winter in the North. The solar heating and stored energy in the Earth's surface and atmosphere is near its lowest during winter, making it usually the coldest months of the year. On the brighter side in the north, daylight hours will increase every day from now until June.

A dramatic composite picture by Anthony Ayiomamitis has been chosen to illustrate the real meaning of Christmas.

Sunrise by Season—Astronomy Picture of the Day, 21st December 1005.

So, you know that Christmas isn't even slightly Christian, but those twee fluffy bunny Pagans have no idea how to have a good time. May we at Prattle Towers recommend A Very Scary Solstice—the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society Solstice carol album and songbook.

We returned to the studio with a bigger-than-ever cast of actors and professional singers. Thrill to the magnificent sounds of the Dagon Tabernacle Choir. Marvel at the exsquisite harmonies of the Arkham Carolers. Tap your tentacles along with the Dunwich Children's Chorale. All twenty-five numbers are professionally produced and recorded with the same maniacal care that made A Shoggoth on the Roof such a disturbing achievement in musical theatre. From beatific choirs to maniacal mariachis, there's something for everyone in this first-ever CD of Lovecraftian Solstice Carols.

You too could wander the street of your town entertaining people with such delights as Great Old Ones Are Coming To Town, Have Yourself a Scary Little Solstice, Oh Come All Ye Olde Ones, Silent Night, Blasphemous Night and Away In A Madhouse. Free samples, including MP3s and sheet music available to whet your appetite, and that of the Great Cthulhu.

Australia: Christmas has some less appealling aspects. The garish assault on your eyes and wallets by stores; the forced interaction with family members you avoid for the rest of the year; and the insanity of stupid corporations with a rabid legal department and lack of clue who over-indulge in an fit of political correctness.

I recently got a rant from a friend who'd been charged with designing the company Christmas card and was seriously pissed off at a request from the new company owner. The e-mail is quoted with permission, provided neither my friend nor the company are mentioned.

I've just been informed by our new US based overlords, that our company christmas card is not allowed to use the word Christmas as it's not considered politcally correct. Holly and santa references are ok, but no Christ references please were american.

This looks like a job for the Flying Spaghetti Monster!

or possibly Hoff-mas

A follow up from a furious Australian CEO had the wally in the US backpedalling to suggest that perhaps both an Australian and a censored American version of the Christmas card be created.

There is no shortage of seasonal craft ideas available out there on the web. As an example of the delights to be found, how about How to Dress Trolls as Nativity Scene Figures?

1. Assess your trolls and assign them roles: the most feminine one, of course, will be Mary. Tie or braid the hair for Joseph and the three wise men.

They mean the dolls, rather than large, rocky creatures or net pests, by the way. I wonder if the plush cthulhus would mind being adapted in a similar manner? (via Going Jesus).

While British people of a certain age will be delighted to hear that Wilf Lunn has a website, what interests the residents at Prattle Towers is his page of Curious Christmas Trees. I particularly like Confuse a Fairy and Ski Slope. Red Wolf must surely appreciate the Australian.