Imagine saying to someone you care about, "this is who I am", and have them reject you, question you, feel uncomfortable in your presence, or even worse, tell you that your feelings are wrong.
This is an all too familiar experience faced by many LGBTIQ people when coming out to loved ones. It was an experience that I faced coming out as transgender.
![Coming out takes guts, and a truckload of tears.](http://web.archive.org./web/20170609025249im_/https://www.fairfaxstatic.com.au/content/dam/images/g/w/b/r/v/y/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.gwm9g8.png/1496958836034.jpg)
It was the one thing holding me back from transitioning; the fear of losing everyone that I loved and cared about. My fears ultimately proved to be well founded, as I eventually lost a lot of people that I loved and cared about.
A coming out should be a happy event. It marks the point in one's life when the desire to live authentically overpowers the fear of repercussions from living an authentic life. It takes guts and a truckload of tears for most to reach this point. It was not surprising to see the results of a recent La Trobe University study that detailed the high-levels of abuse and the links between the psychological distress and subsequent drug use by LGBT Australians.
![Dale Sheridan: "I will not continue to live my life any other way."](http://web.archive.org./web/20170609025249im_/https://www.fairfaxstatic.com.au/content/dam/images/g/w/m/9/f/a/image.related.articleLeadNarrow.300x0.gwm9g8.png/1496958836034.jpg)
I knew the mere concept of me wanting to transition would be difficult for family and friends to accept. I knew immediate and unconditional acceptance was unlikely, and that I would have to withstand anger, disgust, distress and discomfort from people in my life before many of them would reach a level of acceptance. Most didn't make it; an outcome I have struggled to process.
Even just writing these words feels so wrong – that I was continually prepared to accept disgust and rejection from someone until that person came to terms with the fact that I'm transgender.
While I tried to prepare myself for this eventuality, the reality of facing it was impossible to truly prepare myself for.
It is a stark reality for those of us that come out as LGBTIQ that some people take longer than others to accept and embrace our identities. But the most galling part is that there is an onus on the LGBTIQ person to put up with insults, discomfort, invasive questions and anger until that person and society more broadly catches up, and starts treating us with humanity, respect and dignity.
![The widespread reproach of Margaret Court following her unsavoury comments about the LGBTIQ community was heartening.](http://web.archive.org./web/20170609025249im_/https://www.fairfaxstatic.com.au/content/dam/images/g/w/j/k/5/i/image.related.articleLeadNarrow.300x0.gwm9g8.png/1496958836034.jpg)
Cate McGregor, in her recent rebuke of Margaret Court's comments about the LGBTIQ community, hit the nail on the head – that the LGBTIQ community is held to an impossible double-standard to take the high road in the face of abuse and ridicule.
I was devastated to learn that the recent pie attack on Qantas CEO Alan Joyce was motivated by his vocal support for marriage equality. In his immediate response, he showed absolute class and dignity by cleaning himself up and getting back up on stage to continue his address. This is the bravery that the LGBTIQ community show every day in responding to abuse by getting up and continuing on with their lives.
However, until recently we have seen few consequences following abuse and outrage directed towards the LGBTIQ community. The decision by Joyce to ban his attacker from flying on Qantas and alliance airline partners is one that should be applauded, not only on moral grounds, but from a safety perspective for his passengers.
The widespread reproach of Court following her unsavoury comments about the LGBTIQ community was heartening to see. It demonstrated a turning of the tide that the LGBTIQ community and allies are fed up with the hate and constant attacks for simply existing, and are willing to speak up. But the extent to which Court will face meaningful consequences for her out-of-touch views remains to be seen.
What these people fail to understand is that this is the consequence of their actions.
It is a pity that certain people are systematically allowed to continue peddling hate unchallenged in the name of religion (which is something I've never understood, since most religions are based on the notion of love).
I too have enforced consequences on those that were less than supportive of my decision to transition by removing them from life. Yes – I cut people out of my life that failed to show me the respect and dignity that I afforded them.
It was incredibly hard to cull people from my life at the time I really needed them, but they simply weren't on the same timeline of acceptance as I was. It was purely for protection of my already withering self-love and respect.
I would do the same over again, maybe even a bit earlier if I had the chance. But by removing these people from my life, I have been painted as the bad or impatient person, and carry the blame for their poor behaviour on my shoulders.
What these people fail to understand is that this is the consequence of their actions. This is me choosing to only allow people into my life that are loving, accepting and respectful. I will not continue to live my life any other way.
Some will call me selfish for daring to transition and live my life openly in an authentic manner. I would agree with this assertion: I did it for myself and nobody else. But I also contend there isn't any other way to live.
Dale Sheridan is a lawyer, snowboarder, mountain biker and a Virgo, who happens to be transgender.
1 comment
New User? Sign up