my hello kitty bracelet from q city.

Back to the dancing board.

Getting back into the swing of things, when a song comes on that can effectively clear my bad mood away, I celebrate that (I like gospel chanting Goth songs, this one has elements of all of that if I can picture myself running to it in slow motion crying in a torn gown, I’ma youtube raymi dance attack it). We will quickly be over this tune and then I’ll be the last man standing, overplaying and playing it forever in my Hello Kitty make believe fantasyland. Gonna go get minxed today! ps. since I started wearing heels on the regular, my calves have become super runs too much toned (like a 56 year old health freak who mountain climbs and hikes) and thighs overall, ripped.

Speaking of slow motion running, here’s that video Britt Directed of me two falls ago.

seventeen degrees in a november forest from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

I came up with this title because it was November and HOT. Perfect film day.

Look dad! This was out all week and I didn’t even know it. I like that I got attached to the blurb about this event which they probably learned about via me therefore MUST barnacle Raymi. VICTORY. Sitting on that motorcycle was the best idea I had all night, no, one of the top ten best ideas I had right behind photobombing EVERYONE.

After reading the piece on Layton yesterday at Watusi, well, during reading it, as I bawled my eyes out all over the grid, I made a decision about caring more about more important things other than my hair and how many swarovski rings are on my fingers and I thought hmm, maybe I should go into politics. I mean, I already have a cult following, I ride a bike, I care about women and equality. I don’t pose to know every little thing about every little issue but that’s where my Dick Cheney would come in. We know I have a nice face that will age well-ish enough (thanks mom!)(french blooood) and ok back to Jack. No wait he gets his own post. RIP JACK XOXO I love Olivia too, I partied with her when I was 16 but now that I am more famous I can’t spill skeletons anymore. She came to my (older) ex bf’s apartment for the annual tropical drink making contest, one of his roommates went to Mcgill or Uof T I dunno, they were all older, it was the Annex, it was normal for adults to live together like that I guess back when a 29 year old was a real adult not like today and how I am infantilized (both by self and other surrounding enablers) one year shy of 29 and I do not at all relate to who those guys were back when we hung out, next year I will be the same age a them, blows my mind. I was secretly 16, posing as an 18 year old to some or a 20 year old. Everyone bought it. Then Olivia Chow shows up, relevant, in an undercover cop posing as an urban youth type get-up, v politician. I had no fucking clue who she was before this party. I clung to her just so I could share this story with you today. I know I seldom go political here because that’s for other people who “pay attention” and the only other recent time that I bothered to was seeing Jack Layton on TV not 4 months ago he didn’t look at all sick. Ok I am rambling now and will continue blathering at a later date. All I know is I doubt other candidates are as cool as those two. I saw a side to this woman, I felt her importance, her glow, and spirit. I wanted in.

That’s at Harvest Table in b-town. We caused a bit of a stir at brunch and by we I mean me and my insistence of making everyone around me think I am a movie star. Hey, we do what we can to make it through the day right. I love Burlington, it’s my Versailles.

My mother and Fairy Godmother are at a fat camp in Utah right now. Mom’s texting me updates. I wonder if she’s been yelled at Boot Camp drill sergeant styles yet? God help those trainers ahahhaa. She said these other women are all constipated. They started off eat bingeing and shopping in Vegas. Oh man.

Check all my Nella bags. Collector.

Stalking Marco. Lisa took this picture. Hi Lisa! I was hung out of my mind and sweating in my hangover jumpsuit, totally shaky, with burning elements of boiling risotto all around all the while networking my ass off and selling planet raymbo to anyone who will listen. I’ve had to store his signed cheese rotting apron in the crisper because of said smell.

Team Canada Ford Blogher babes Looking forward to bumping into these girls again at the She’s Connected Conference in September. I’m speaking at it. I found that out yesterday which reminds me I must write a bio and submit a photo, I knew I was invited before but I didn’t know Donna wanted me to speak I figured I’d just be used to hype and cool up the event and maybe just stand around being angry at everyone ahaha but no, I’ma Tom Cruise in Magnolia motivationally speak the shit outta it! Exciting.

Dad has been pestering me to put a photo up of his new Ric for weeks, like, you put up all those pictures of your mom and Dan Aykroyd and the mayor but none of my guitar. Dad, I am the editor here at the Dad Times. When I feel the news is relevant I will insert it. Sometimes the extra self-indulgent shots that are only interesting to a handful of people must wait on the back burner til I can cluster them in to a blackberry round-up of shots.

So long ONterrible and those Raybans. (gave them to stew).

How we drove to Quebec. I threw my white office girl button up in the car to put on when we made road stops. It was a scorcher. I love road trips.

Yellow Kitty polish I covered in graprefruit glimmer. Took it off by the time I went out cos I nicked it too many times. I hate this polish, it’s so trying to get on right but if done well, looks so cute. Dilemma. I don’t know how Paige has the patience for it. Patience Paige, run with it.

Speak of the devil.

No, that one.

While jamming my headdress on for my florence dance I crowned myself in such a way I turned into Marianne Faithful. Ah bless. Roots outta control 80’s style.

Happy Tuesday!

Don’t forget, if you’re around for the long weekend it’s a SO LONG SUMMER Jamboree! Starring ME. ME! And hopefully you too.

We’ll be screening nothing but summer movies all night long. My aunt also told me summer isn’t over officially for 3 WEEKS. Thank god. Then I’ll be whining about autumn. You know I will.

I wonder what the next monster bikini will be? I saw the skeleton hands one, pretty cool, this one wins though.

So I was burdened with big boobs for the day just so we could take these three pictures. Lovely.

Still down with OPP. Oh man I have content for days, speaking of, what day is this? Monday you say? Bah.

Lots of wicked dude duds here.

This look is actually growing on me, oversized hip hop vest with a bikini. Outfit accomplished. Must dash now my lovelies, the sun and roof calls. And Big Brother. I love missing an episode, saving it up and thinking about nothing but watching it until I watch it. Big Brother tunnel vision. HAhha and then I wrote this entire post so I haven’t watched BB yet. FASCINATED? Continue..

Haha I look so sad.

Artistically sad. Sadness and fashion go hand in hand. If it’s not working then the model isn’t sad enough.

I will be needing some fall wedges, how can I make the closed toe heel adjustment seam- (and pain) lessly? suggestions please you know i’ll be wearing the hell out of whatever we decide. It’s for the best.

Now THAT is a model face.

And THAT is a girlfriend face.

Ah yes, dress by Aah Jee. Gorgeous.

I can easily envision wearing, entertaining, and hostessing in this dress. No big deal. This old thing? Oh why thank you!

Good call on wearing the romper right?

Would also be fantastic in black.

Perfect with my hair. I need to wear more white.

In the back it comes up higher, so glam. Very fun dress to be photographed in and everyone just goes “Oooooh” about how dreamy you look. Enchanting.

I was trying to turn myself into an art installation

Hehhheh fabulous fun.

Hope your Monday was great, mine was super productive. Monday will hereby be referred to as ME MONDAY until I am forced to get a real job then it will be called, I want to die-day.

And finally we have the pose.

Me and my monocle. I see all.

I look like a wrestler.

I styled this look. I requested some big gold necklaces, they brought me the monocle and owl pieces. Classy gorgeous. Who are they by again?

There’s yer girl. I remember I found a photo of these style jogging pants 4 years ago and knew I’d eventually get my hands on a pair and the style would become a classic and stick around for awhile, also, not many girls will adopt the trend so you don’t have to worry about rip-offs (chicks style jackin’ ya), only a certain body type can rock these and I also said that they must be worn with wedges, some kind of crazy platforms otherwise you’re just wearing tapered jogging pants like who gives a shit right? If you can, and have the fashion chutzpah to take the look further, then do it. You only live once and life is too short to be ordinary. I want you to stand out so I don’t have to have all the attention all the time.

Then it was my Hilary Banks moment.

Wait a minute, this is also happening.

That shirt is amazing amazizazzizizaizaizaizaziing ZING like circus freak backflips infinitum amazing. It’s definitely an F U to everyone else’s shirt in the room when you wear this shirt. I would be super pissed off if a girl showed up wearing this loud attention hogging shirt, but I wouldn’t show it, yeah I’d compliment her shirt but in secret I would be seething and cutting her eyes out of a picture while slitting mine at her across the room and turning it into a friendly smile when she busts me ahhaha.

I don’t know how but it made my face way skinnier. Score!

Look how smug I am. You can see my new earrings Angelo gave me. One says Oui the other says Non (they are copper) so when we go to dinner and you fuck up I’ll sit with the NON earring on the appropriate ear and direct it at you at every opportunity. I’ll show you a close-up of them later.

Perfect with my hair. I got the tone right this day. When my roots come in there is a week’s period when my hair gets really ashy blonde in appearance from the combo of dark roots contrasted by the light hair colour and then I dump purple hair wash that makes my hair even whiter. Some people like my roots and then we get in hair fights over my hair colour oh good grief just wait til it’s waist length and you will all STFU about it.

The hot thing about this shirt is its translucency and we all know that this guy does not fear the nips, but I was too tired by this point and hungry so I didn’t take my romper off therefore this blog gets a g/pg rating for the day Phewf now I don’t have to sweat those corporate sponsors for anotha’ day. Hall-ay-loo-yuh and praise be. People were in support of me wearing nothing beneath it so that some perv would buy the shirt I modelled. I was too lazy to disrobe.

How intimidated would you be by this girl at the party? Super. It’s a shirt that can work for or against you. Knock-out. “She’d probably just reject me and I’d be frustrated.” Name that quote.

Ok I gotta go do other cool stuff now. Bye I love you! See the burn mark on my arm (from bbq to oven, jerk chicken) i’m gonna have to put a MINX tattoo there. FONT POLL! VOTE! Probably the most important polling ever. Pole. Ha.

OPP even cares about my teeths!

I have a lot of fan mail, I’ll be needing this.

Then I took us for the best mexican of our life. Angelo MAIL ME SOME. Why aren’t you 1000lbs it’s right across the street. Ok bye for real, not one of those fake goodbyes, but a REAL ONE.

This is us hitting Kingston. I had to piss. (at 1:05 a construction dude walks by ahhaa) Same night of THE LIGHTNING STRIKES BACK: PLANET EARTH VS. WAR OF THE WORLDS. Holy crap that was a thrill. In this video you can see my maiden flower headdress that I continuously and nervously fidget with. Wearing shit on your head takes getting used to. Embodying whimsical angel princessitude takes getting used to, what, oh this? This is just my virginally pure and pious Medieval flower Maypole head wreath. I am going to form a dance around it. Really wish I bought a dress. It’s a big investment, super expensive. I will be ready for next summer’s visit to Quebec City for a sexy Medieval faire dress. I like to design the dance first, costume second. We had minimal cds on the ride, SOMEONE didn’t think to inform me to pick some and purposely chose what THEY wanted. We listened to all discs within 3 hours. How Sofia Coppola-lit is this video? She likes blondes, ahem!

postcards from montreal

This video ends in a rather, real way. Pfft thanks. It was a great time, perfect weather and all around awesome day with the family, the memories will def be helping me get through winter.

I did it all in wedges too. Feet were sore during the end a little bit but not too badly, teacher recco’d I wear them. Except some rides getting off and out of them, combined with long bare legs and stripper shoes, ah gad, the looks. Yesterday my dad realized that I am the only one in the universe who dresses like a spice girl and it draws A LOT of attention I think before in our little Burlington bubble it’s just amusing that I freak out the locals safely from a suburban distance, wholly diff at le ex. Two innocent dudes were checking me out apparently and my dad went up to them and said Hey, did you know, that that’s my daughter? They split. Dad Im not thirteen anymore haha. One guy had Dave Grohl pigtails fresh outta vermont or some shit, zero threat.

Hahah this photos sucks but I love it. taking pictures was the last thing on my mind at first cos we all started out at our place which was an ordeal organizing us all out of here and over to the ex of course. We were cleaning and unpacking up to the very second the family arrived, up since 9am and if you know me and cleaning/organizing you’ll know that this person can be a scary person.

The weed what is my gorgeous niece is growing. Sent her home with three bags full of Raymi clothes, items, jewelry, purse, shoeses.

Kiss tribute. The Gene guy flicked his tongue at me. Gross. I was dressed like a groupie so I went with it.

My shorts were a massive hit at the fairgrounds, it’s like, no one has worn teeny white shorts before. Shorts of summer for sure. These two chicks took my picture trying to be stealth but my whole family caught them and then we just ignored it, but they wanted more pictures of me so were forced to approach and play nice. You know when you want a creeper shot, well they got busted, but I so didn’t care which made them feel embarrassed so then the unexpected happened, I turned and OF COURSE you can take a better picture of my shorts (I know you want the whole package too), here’s my card, send me those shots. Didn’t see that comin’ haha. Hi ladies!

If you still want to give’r but have kids, ethics state you can just jam these on their head and take ‘em along to any ol live music happening. Apparently a mommy blogger blogged about how uncomfortable it made her to see mommies with their babies at some of the parties late at night, like, leave your accessory at home this is BLOGHER but really, that chick just doesn’t know how to party and disassociate what other people may be doing in the room and those mommies likely didn’t have construction headphones on their baby’s head now THERE’S a product to test market/specifically brand to the rock&roll moms out there. The singer of F-d UP brought his kid out before they performed at Dundas Square for NXNE and he had those on, EVERYONE knows about baby headphones come on people.

Hahha that’s my arm. Dad got really nervous up here. Afraid of heights? Worth the view.

There was even a mardi gras parade at one point. The CNE brought it this year. Still a week left ya hosers.

the sky was cotton candy.

We hung with some skids. People watching at the exhibition is just out of control, the best. But going on a Saturday is brave. Crowd city. We triumphed through it and had a blast. Thanks for the Media Passes and parking, it was murder directing my dad to the gates in car with all of us stuffed inside and normally when we zip around the ex grounds i’m tweeting or comatose, I know the lay of the city inside out but could I tell someone directions without flipping out Cosmo Spacely (Mr. Jetson’s sadomasochistic boss) style? Ha you wish. Which is why some of our day was tense as teacher went on ahead of us with the directions, his job, his one thing, the one thing I have hired you for and that my brains stops working at, is the directions, to this gate. I will not delight you with the details of the ridiculous rage I experienced, I’m like this guy sometimes and it is magnificent.

Actually I feel like this man is severely Bipolar. We watched this at 5 in the morning in Montreal and HOWLED laughter, oh christ. Send it to someone with anger problems when you are feeling bored. Wasn’t planning to blog at the moment but that’s how she goes when you sit down in front of the horn also just spoke with my dad and he kind of guilted me into it, it’s the DAD TIMES EXTRA! EXTRA! Dad had a corn dog (said it was gross) chili fries and a burger and my brother made fun of him. That is one of our leading stories in the DAD TIMES today. HI DAD! I’ll brb with my phone pics I know you are waiting on the edge of your seats.

psst. look at the poster allison made. We are referred to as Beach Blanket Burlesque for now. I want to go by Madame Raymi once I have this running like a well oiled machine then I will be like Cher in Burlesque and express my emotions through sad dances to ballads ahahah YES.

So Next Sunday of the long weekend September 4 9PM @ BOVINE SEX CLUB (rawr) is So Long, Summer! Beach blanket bimbotastical BURLESQUE! Put your retro skivvies on, ‘kinis, beehives and practise your jive cos we’ll be sweating all.night.long. Heard it here first. School4Bandaids’ regular Sunday night special is teaming up with Team Raymbosaurus Rex. Third time’s the charm (as it will be my third burlesque performance this summer, also performing under my own name). We will have MORE DANCES. Duets, solos and maybe even a trio set. Think American Graffiti, now live it. Plus, I will be unveiling our newest girl, so new in fact she doesn’t have a name yet. FUN! Help us crown her.

HELP NAME THIS BURLESQUE DANCER! (I also have to come up with a troupe name for Paddy Cakes, her (Jasmine) and I asap). What goes with Raymi the Minx, Paddy Cakes and _______? We’re a trio troupe as of right now. Don’t F- it up! Raymi’s ribbons? See no, I don’t want it to be all raymi and minxy. BRAIN THINK! Paddy’s foot is healed now so this is going to be a riot.

MUAHAHAH my harem is growing! Put your suggestions in the comments please.

This is your band aid bartender Allison. Can’t wait to see what she wears this night. It is also a guarantee that you’ll be able to spy several famous rocker/stars whatever you call them as this is their local. Going to be a legendary time. AND! Crywolf clothing will be giving away swag all night. CUTE hipster shit! I just got off the phone with Allison. Amazeballs.

++++

This was terrifying to drive through, the video in no way shape or form accurately displays how bright and constant the lightning fork strikes were. So thrilling.