you only live once right. what the heck is wrong with me lately? last week it was cookie dough. what’s next, crisco? kudos on metro placing a little debbie stand in the frozen meal section, when you’re too lazy and hungry to bother making something from scratch therefore already in a state of vulnerability. shockingly these are only 6g of fat per. i know this is nothing to you americans you have like 4 aisles dedicated to little D in your supermarkets and then 5 aisles of booze. i love you.

so not worth it.

in a beer desperation frenzy i thought his bag of donuts was a beer stein.

i do not get these big stuffed pieces of crap. i mean, i get it but like why would one want to take that home to collect dust in the corner of their basement only to sell it in a garage sale in a few months so some other shmoe can do the same until it eventually gets pitched. great for the environment also hello, those things go up in flames in less than a second. remember a current affair anyone? (omg i loved that show i still remember the sound effect in the opening, evidently it’s still on air, new sound effect?)

seat test.

moron.

gross. the guys all got hot dogs, i found yam fries. smuggle in food everyone also a mickey they don’t shake you down but they do look in bags. i saw one guy with a humongous tupperware container full of pretzel mix how the hell did he get that in, taped to his body?

there’s good hot dog smell and there’s bad hot dog smell. guess which one these are.

that’s us in there sans fil. he can’t do spinny rides.

first time trying the behemoth (we went on three times) and i think we are all nervous farting too. ha.

after. hot. my eyes gushed on each ride. like when i ride my bike in the cold but EXTREME.

looks like doc oc.

my hat matched so many things in the park. standing beside pizza pizza wasn’t at all embarrassing.

still funny. i discovered the cropping tool on my camera. handy for winners like these. the white patch adds to the overall messed up hair ensemble. we looked at this photo a hundred times throughout the day and pissed ourselves laughing.

nice hat you wiener. you know i didn’t see any hats like it at any of the games so this guy actually brought it from home specially. ugh, ravers.

you can’t really tell here but it was so cold my pointer finger turned all white. that’s some great circulation i got eh.

top gun, not fun. it’s over before you know it and then you have a headache. i told them but they never listen.

unrelated, cid has graduated to a bigger box but he still likes the little one.

boooooooooooooooring zone.

yes bro you look completely intimidating in front of this whimsical fountain in your practical dad outfit.

i’m fuckin’ scared.

i am so totally crabby at this point. my brother and dave kept stopping for smokes in the designated smoking areas they have scattered throughout and it was already annoying enough having to back track to the only place that was selling beer, irritating slow walkers in your way, lines, expensive everything, ugh. i didn’t understand why they couldn’t just hold off a couple minutes and smoke near the beer place. sigh, smokers, i want to strangle you, shove cigarette butts in your eyes and sand wash your face in ash. i dunno if i am more irritated by smoking because i am an ex-smoker or if i would be more irritated if i never smoked. i think it’s gotta be the former of the two. i do know that i love complaining about it a lot. i am turning into my mother.

at this point fil was v nauseous and this carousel was super slow.

after all the garbage we consumed we still went out for wings at kilgour’s.

walking by this for the fiftieth time you are like I GET IT FOUNTAIN FUCK OFF!

another waste of time at the ghoster coaster.

ok bye!

Raymi Sings Imagine at Gibson in Toronto from Phil Ogynist on Vimeo.

it never ceases to amaze me how the simplest of lyrics elude you once put on the spot. that guy was a piano savant but he kept fucking me up, singing the same wrong line over and over. it was like battle singing the correct line over him and then stumbling through it together awkwardly, then he kept trying to lead after i already started off a line, like, do you want to do this or not guy? doesn’t he remind you of that dude from something about mary?

i made a flickr set of leftover vancouver photos and it isn’t even comprised of half the amount still cruising in my documents. ugh.

your garbage/recycling method is a little faulty. only five people can recycle at a time?

a canadian palm tree!

here is a video of me talking to some kid employee at commodore lanes trying to get to the bottom of all the junk toys on the roof in there.

bowling alley eccentric from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

i love him. this is when i learned i can’t zoom in/out during filming cos i lose audio.

we watched two movies last nite 1. extreme movie (kinda shitty, kinda funny, mostly shitty though) and 2. hound dog which is good yet depressing (dakota fanning rape scene movie) and kinda drags at the end. i couldn’t stop thinking of amy poehler’s SNL impressions of dakota fanning so it kinda ruined the taking it seriously cos she is so dead-on accurate.

yeah i’ve nothing else for you really, mid-week blah update. maybe i’ll go through vancouver pictures i haven’t got around to posting yet.

follow NXNE on twitter you could do that.

now that matt’s quit his job i think every nite’s going to be an early one for me. start givin’er at 5 in bed by ten ha ha.

we had a pretty good spot and once a table cleared up beside us we took it (fil was on his way, needed more room) but we felt like something new. matt did a walk-by of the central, he saw 4 dudes milling about so we paid and made our way there. turns out they were renovating. so we lost our table. THANKS MATT! whatever the sun had fucked off by then anyway so pauper’s patio did us just fine.

i found those sunglasses allison is wearing in the bathroom two years ago waiting for the vip virgin boat to take us over to the island for vfest2. i ran out into the mall trying to match them to whatever hipster had left them. oh well. they have sat unworn in my pile of sunglasses ever since so i gave ‘em to allison. they’re five bucks in the market.

it felt so nice walking in and out of doors, you’re half-expecting to receive a chill breeze but nope, pure warmth. can’t say the same for today though ugh.

i had to fix my bun a hundred times. its A-game wasn’t exact enough. more like B-game. oh yeah biking over the wind made my eyes tear up like crazy so i looked like i was bike-crying. biking and crying. there’s a poem in there somewhere.

please throw a layer in there.

patio change and nicky arrives.

thanks matt.

yesterday i had to decide between black socks with hearts or these things. the hearts looked too juvenile with the shoes. i wasn’t worried about sock tan cos i had already tanned that afternoon. socks were necessary cos my legs were a little behind in the shaving dept. also it’s my look, guy.

during one of my fabulously interesting tales nicky was shat on.

my hair just got worse and worse ha ha.

fil called from the parking lot on lippincott spying on us the whole time. i’m like dude i can SEE you. then he revved his engine like a gino and backed up super fast. cool story fil. i sneaked away after one more drink to buy toilet paper and play hell’s kitchen.

still winning the happy face sticker war no one is fighting me in.

buzz on + shopper’s clearance rack = new organic backpack? i thought it would be a good biking grocery bag. fil suggested longboarding. good one, it’s almost like he was there with me.

one of my tweets is being printed in a book along with a ton of famous people quote/tweets. poor fil, it’s a line i ripped off him when he was on the phone the other day. oh well, snooze ya lose right.

part 1

part 2 (you shoulda skipped part 1)

my brother took this photo.

at one point when i finally stop screaming you hear dave behind me let a big one go (1:14) and all along before that too haha. this was our third time on it i finally got the courage to hold my camera during the ride hanging on with my middle finger shoved through the tiny kewpie strap, the time before i wimped out at the top of the ride and shoved it in my pocket before we plummeted. after that i made videos on every ride and even got told off over a speaker to put it away, dave too. we all had to take chill pills and 5-7 beers each throughout the day to get by. fil‘s acting all brave in this video. dave wussed out of making a video this time he clenched it down by his side and after each ride his hair was standing on end like edward scissorhands. i made a video of a little girl crying cos she was too small to go on this teacup ride then i gave her my blythe button and she was still crying but took it anyway i wanted to tell her dad you know that thing was probably like ten dollars can you make her say thank you. haha. more photos and videos to come on this post so keep checking back. also hi amanda we eventually went back to your beer station (the only one serving in the park!) and you were gone.

my brother blowing cig smoke at me, gross.

we finally arrived and everyone is super anxious so we had a chill pill and headed straight for a beer stop. the older you get the more sensitive i guess.

good thing dad was on the scene.

ok fil’s hand in this shot is an accident but we saw this happen more than once yesterday. if you’re um, husky, you cannot ride the behemoth (which is why they have a seat at the beginning of the line for you to test out, they need to be more vocal about it though). it’s really embarrassing for the person cos the workers take turns trying to slam down the thigh rest over and over and then the person has to do the walk of shame then they announce sorry for the wait everybody are you ready to riiiide!? dave got a shot of this guy making eye contact with him CRINGE. also fyi do not wear your bap-style hoodie to wonderland ever, we saw ten hundred of ‘em seriously.

here is the crying girl, she had to watch her mom and brother go on cos she was too little. i hope she keeps that button 4lyfe.

i wanted to film more of her less of the ride cos she was really sobbing hard but i don’t think her dad would have appreciated it.

post every ride dave’s hair looked like this.

do not wear a hat on the behemoth. dumb move. after you ride this thing, drop zone is a complete waste of time. it’s nothing. video of that too.

oh yeah the first ride we (my idea) stupidly chose to go on was the one you lie down on like superman. bad for queasy stomachs full of beer ha ha.

that is my nose juice after riding the dragonfire. WHAT it was cold!

before hair.

after.

complete waste of time the ride was jammed, we went through kidzone cos we heard there was a licensed patio but it wasn’t serving. fil and dave insisted on the ghoster coaster. yeah thanks guys.

beer decoy.

after walking the entire park for beer that wasn’t there, waiting in a line-up for nothing, i felt exactly like these muhfuckers. we went into this place you used to be able to drink at but now it’s so you have to buy the 20 dollar buffet to get in i was so annoyed i just walked out while the guy was still talking. wtf we came for rides and drinks not elaborate shitty banquet food what is this place, disneyland? ps. stop telling us where we can go get beer if it’s not actually being served you wasted a good 40 minutes of our time TWICE that happened.

nice.

purchasing a picture costs 14 bucks, f that. take a snap of the monitor quickly before they wipe it off. i found a funny one of a couple on top of a garbage can i bet noel would like it.

sweeney tod.

oh whatever fil.

i wanted to say to these teenagers haven’t you seen adventureland this game’s a rip!

top gun kills your ears/head. not fun.

the park closed at 8. it wasn’t open to the public yet so maybe that’s why some rides were rusty. we got cheap tickets too, it was nice having less people/crowds and the weather worked in our favour for that too i suppose.

here i am wailing like a dude cos i had lost my ability to scream by this point. i sound like a total goon i cannot even watch this video.

see how shitty drop zone seems in comparison to behemoth now. don’t even bother.