I am sitting in this seat right now writing this. Mind blowing.
This is from a couple nights ago.
We live in the dark. Not today though, had an early start.
Dinner at the Dutch folk’s.
Everything and anything on the table was grilled (pan fried) in the end, we got creative with it.
On Xmas day I spoke to bf’s dad about what colour flowers these would be once they bloomed. Then this evening he pulled me aside and was like THEY WERE WHITE. Then we talked about lilacs and Hyacinth (which these are) and between our language barrier/difference and the garbage I was trying to sell, it was a pretty funny conversation. Ps. black licorice is disgusting. My nana and mom are all about it as well. I do not get black licorice. 0%.
We bought this meat package for ourselves as well, coincidentally – reduced from 19.99 Euro to 12.99. His mom got an even better deal than us. She always does! Clockwise from top left is Beef, duck, pork, chicken. All totally tasty.
Hi Aladdin condiments. I love this shit. It’s a special bottle for Christmas. You start questioning things like, is this normal or is this Dutch? BF’s uncle grilled like this a lot in France and they all thought it was a Dutch thing, but it isn’t. It’s just a thing. You can totally do this too. baha.
See where the white feathers came from? Mom gave us some as well. I tried to buy more decorations last night that were 50% off 2.99 no big deal right? Bf was like hell no well Frig HIM I am so putting more on the tree next chance I get lol.
We just came back from a walk. I saw my ducklings as adults that we fed in the spring. Whimsical MUCH!!? Pictures at the end of the post.
Ate this last night, we made it. Actually I got all the stuff out of the fridge and was mental support, as in, dragged him off the couch. People just need a bit of motivation and you still get half the credit. We don’t drink much (snore) but we eat like cray. I am having a Saturday beer right now though. When you get up to have coffee I am already beering it. NICE.
Front yard, jungle English YOLO garden. When we went to the movie bf said that Mitty was a Yolo movie. Bahaha TRUE.
A blue sky in the winter is like, oh right, that’s nice.
Replete with sky porn.
I have pictures of this stretch of road blanketed in spooky mist during a sunset, very neat.
Shut up you slot. “Loot locked out” according to google translate. Aka don’t leave valuables behind. I’ll keep you posted once confirmed.
If blind, you will also be allowed to enjoy this park despite not being able to see anything, you can feel the leaves of various things growing and then read about them cos there’s brail all over the park. How nice.
Handi-captains forevs. There but for the grace of God go I. Wandelpad for honorary mention. (footpath).
Plants get so much rain water here it’s like a g-damn jungle. No complaints yo.
I’m like a sasquatch, all blurry and I blend in. I had those oxblood wrecking ball doc’s #FIRST #Miley BTW. I’m flattered, really.
So we meet again necklace tree. I am obsessed with you. No shame, all fame.
Trying to get the flash to go off. This bitch needs backlight not below light. Frig.
We’ll def do this again though.
I told you it was windy! Some trees could not deal tho.
Instagram party time. Holy smokes, what is going on with that hair? Europe that’s what.
Piper champagne, fancy. Here’s a link to it in Russian it’s the first thing I found also the price. Kind of ridiculously awesome. When I first ever came here in the spring he got me a bottle of moet and 80 white tulips. Maybe 90. He brought a lone one to the airport as a psyche-out and I was like oh thanks (sarcastically in my head) then saw the rest of the bouqet on the couch. This time however, no flower at the airport and I thought okay, now that you have the cow and the milk… lol. I think romance is key and should remain a constant throughout and if it’s not there then why are you? Seen. Maybe I should write a guide to romance. Lance Romance – Raymi’s romantical guide to life. It involves farting. BOOM.
Speaking of cow. It moos in the parking lot at the airport so you remember where you parked. OKAAAAAAAAAAAY?
That guy looks almost as floored as me.
I remembered I spoke to Papa from this bar in the spring. Thinking about you often.
I look like a tool. I try to look as toolishly as possible when traveling, as a decoy means as I suffer travel anxiety of epic proportions. I am superstitious too. I wore one of those angel things you stick in your lapel, from my Nana. Someone always gives me one of those, someone religious and I always wear it and pretend it is out of respect but truly it’s cos I’m superstitious but 1. took all the sacraments and adequate blessings there are from birth to confirmation so my ass is covered just in case and 2. it’s a gift from someone to my Nana for my grandfather’s funeral, something that was sent… flowers, some sort of food? nana loves me, I’m traveling – it’s a travel custom. I bet you have some of these things as gifts too. It makes me feel closer to my nana and papa PLUS it goes with my whole dweeb thing and you guys should be writing these notes down. Sidenote: that’s the one picture I uploaded since arriving then realized Ipads don’t have right click paste html function ability here, so I didn’t blog for ten days.
And in that time we painted/renovated the stairway walls on all levels of the house etc with our friend, and ate a lot of brie, baguettes and garlic sauce.
There’s a bag of more ornaments at his mom’s house but I think we are good.
It looks less shitty IRL. The tree itself is amazing, nothing like at back home. Very fresh as there’s so many lots to buy from – from the entire landscape of where we’re situated having scores of farms of tree fields. It’s a nordman tree btw. If it’s in Canada, forgive me. Normally it’s all pine trees and super dry needles. I paid ten euros for it. Same for the lights and we got one box too many so woulda been cheaper.
Shoarma. Yes, shawarma. Good thing you need garlic sauce for this. Dutch staple.
Dutch subtitles for everything we watch.
Driving from Amsterdam. Tired but wired!
I made my way to the front of the plane once we were free to leave our seats when we landed, near business class, where the exit was planted firmly between the two classes. And a flight attendant SHOVED ME out of the way of the stairwell I was already nowhere near, because business class from up there were to exit before me. But no one was there. I said DON’T TOUCH ME when she was done barking at me. Then she, and everyone who saw knew I meant business and she stepped back, said desperately “But I don’t want to touch you!” the second the door opened I bolted, just wanting to get the fuck out of there. Another flight attendant dished up some passive aggression to me as well for no reason. I just don’t get it. Did I pay $1555 for that? Our televisions didn’t work when we flew back in the spring on the same airline. They told me to make a formal complaint. Maybe I will, and throw these new circumstances into the mix. You know there’s half the population out there you just know are basically, assholes? You see their trainwreck treatment coming too. That was who served me on a 7 hour flight. Then I was shoved by another one. COOL! ps. Write a formal complaint? I ain’t got time for that. I wrote about it already on my blog and here again now, Jesus.
More brie. This one was great. Oozy.
Thank god I’m not lactose intolerant. Knock on wood. I think it’s a crime for British people to be unable to eat cheese. Although it is super fattening.
Luckily I do not crave sugar at all. Sorry I don’t want your dessert don’t take it so personally. I would be ten times fatter if I ate chocolate considering all the stuff and style in which I consume. There was a time I think I was dating a lot then and I craved sugar with all those meals and drinks, it was out of control and I wondered what the hell was wrong with me. But it has been awhile now that I don’t feel the urge to eat sweet, except whenever something weird or normal crosses my path. My bf however is a massive diabetic in training with the truckloads of #crapheeats.
Christmas eve shopping. I nexted the bow because I had to wear a toque because it was raining. Because because because.
And dinner was eaten here. Okay, it’s movie time gotta split. (I haven’t at all edited this yet so, excuuuuuuse me).
Hi Christmas bros! Now, before fake-apologizing for my absence lets just get to it kay? Above is my tree. There is something satisfying about picking out a live tree, buying lights for it. Dressing it. Zzzzz. Blah blah, I made that shit son!
I love this scarf. Mostly in part because I selected it myself and have already mentally envisioned said self wearing it in various states of hanging out/working. Pumped.
Went for a Christmas walk today. I turned it kinda into aerobics, here I am side stepping – jumping rather. IIIIINTENSE. I also ran too. We ate early because sister had to work so my stuff was all said and done before you guys even woke up.
Watch out. Be careful. Thank you for your visit. Except w/o grammar.
Typical Dutch home, usually on a lot of land. Farms. Stereotypical awesomeness.
Look at the no snow. Also, it’s very mild. We had a crazy windstorm a couple days in a row and yesterday it rained uber gloomily yet you had spirit aboutcha from the xmas eve vibe. We had a fun day. Saw a movie with sis and her friend AND they sell beer there AND you get a pee break “pause” mid-flick, but mostly it’s for smokers which is also awesome. It makes movie night more social, less boring. Plus the movie concessions are bizarro world selections and you can get funnel cake-like deep-fried balls called: oliebol, half the posters are in Dutch. I mean all of them. But the movies are the same as back home. But with Dutch subtitles at the bottom. Everything is basically a trip. It’s all the same but different and you are constantly wondering if everyone is lookin at you because you look different or is it because you look the same but awesome?? Head buster.
Pauze is like break assumedly. I understand 15% of what people are saying and zone out the rest so it’s a massive mental holiday too for real. Starting to accrue funny verbal interactions with strangers moments as well note to self. Some assume I am American and yes, I do get attitude.
I got spoiled.
Scarf heaven. I look tired. We stay up late watching telly. We haven’t seen each other in 2 months, about. Plus it’s holidays why the fuh am I going to bed early for?
At his parent’s place. The girls were out smoking when we drove up they were dressed all nice it was a cute moment. I then connected to how mild it was here than in Canada as I saw them out on this balmy bench – they removed the plants to sit. I wouldn’t have thought of that.
The days are shorter because The Netherlands are more north. Less daylight and so daylight, is valued.
At sister’s last night before the movie, her and mom said I’m thinner. I’ve gained a kilo+ (3-5lbs?) since being here omg there is just so much to enjoy. YOLO.
Bike material for daaaaaaaaaaaays. All the pics will be slightly better too, this camera is ballin’ I almost forgot.
Then there are the food differences and just blowing tons of money at the supermarket, cheese is amazing, so is chocolate. Meat. Snacks. I am going to miss the light OJ, the getting booze from within the supermarket, these stick chips. SIGH.
Fashion is hot too. I will definitely be treating myself to some of that before I leave and I finally have the time to just do it period. I will also be most definitely paying extra for luggage weight on the way back. Early January are the sales too. I think that one’s pretty international though.
EYEROLL.
Oh here’s why people were staring, I looked like Peter Pan: Christmas Jiminiy Cricket edition. I was close to getting a pair of boots but patience was at an all time low. Ankle boots are in, I wanted a low heel pair but they had to be the best pair of the 200 or so varieties AND at best value (deep inner-seeded cheapstake syndrome) but bf left store and I was like “this shopping is about US!” Bahahahah. Then I started crying and we were like ok F-T, shopping is officially over. I know I’ll go get them once they’re all on super sale in January. I was angry because he made me suffer ADD-HELL boredom while he looked for a coat and fair is fair, you have to help me pick out boots and make this chore easier. You’d think shopping would be enjoyable. Nope!
Seeing everyone on these, and bikes, is really inspirational. Kids, young girls with long hair in braids just like tooling around it’s another life. You can ride town to town on the bike paths along the roadway, or all the way to Amsterdam and not have to be anxious about highway bullshit.
Bike dramas everywhere. Hey man he fell. The wind knocked over tons of bikes. The forest today had a lot of fallen over trees. We are storm junkies.
You’re welcome!
The difference is there’s relish in it. I relish the thought. I heard they were going to discontinue making relish because nobody likes it. Where did I hear that? Lol either way.
Haha aw. Our necklace is talking.
I got this half. I suppressed screaming out something like I’VE ALWAYS WANTED A SISTER. Like, the forever side could be anything she could just lie like she doesn’t mean it (haha hyper-insecurity sets in).
Why are you wearing red though? Red is my thing. Red is the jam on my bread. (it’s okay I am just joking we can share). It’s funny though we always show up kind of matching. #getoutofmyhead.
German steakhouse time. All of these have been backward by the way. I’ll turn the rest around now so the meal portion of the post makes sense.
Wearing my new Ralph Lauren sweater for the first time. I had a red one similar to it, maybe it was Tommy? Either way, I tend to have a red sweater at all times if I can manage it. Wow, this drivel is tops eh, are you on auto-pilot right now? hello tap tap.
The continuation continues. The above title means nothing, it’s an emo raymism from weeks ago I once felt moved by, but am now like meh. The continuation continues is a way better title. Expect to see it in the future. The day I land it is Sister’s birthday so I got us a cheesy sister friendship necklace. Unfortunately for her I am keeping the bow for myself. It was the last red one, all the others were green. Sorry too grinchy and Emerald City but mostly St. Patricks day. No. If we’re gonna wear a big stupid bow on our head it’s gonna be in the vein of Minnie Mouse, plus I own everything red why stop now.
Snow is pretty.
Not when you’re out in it though. This photo reads and why the _____ do we live here again?
What’s up it’s a Nana thing? Poor Nana :(.
Honestly, behind the scenes it has been nothing but total absolute stress. One speed bump after another and another of drama, chaos, whatever it’s like at what point does one actually snap? How much can one person take? Saturday night, mom and I were like F–k This and got a bottle of Brut to kick back. Her camera has most of the damage. I dressed down because we weren’t going out anywhere as far as I knew. Anyway it’s a long story but I think I navigated the casual slob look rather well so, capital Whatevs.
We pretty much have the exact same nose it appears in this photo.
Gorgeous flowers from my work. Love those guys.
The ten millionth emotional moment experienced in the last two weeks. We all said something special about Papa and did a toast (shot). He would have liked that. One by one in our one-for-all / all-for-one go around the circle, we blubbered through our words about that man. It’s overwhelming how much you feel or think about someone.
Old men are so gentle, I repeat that a lot. Not all are gentle but I mean the majority of them seem to be old world manners and patience. Someone really good going hurts the most.
From the boat house. Those are doves. SIGHHHHHHHH.
Irrelevant it just got uploaded from my desktop images. I started wearing this sweater again and so I dug up this picture. My mom has one too. This is just last Christmas. Time flies. This will be my first Christmas ever not being around for it.
My brother’s 30th birthday. We threw him a surprise party and I decked the house out like crazy. Fun times. Nana and Papa came too.
More from my desktop. More Holland. TOMORROW! Can’t believe it. I haven’t had a chance to look forward to it, busy at work and Papa stuff. I miss my boyfriend like hell.
And dancing like Elaine in the streets.
And do shit like this. However next time I will have properly sized clothing as I will be packing appropriately to climate. Holla.
That chick is stink-eyeing me. What? Never saw a chick boogey with an on old git before? Amateur.
Fabulous.
Morning after the service.
♥♡ I love you papa.
My grandma’s coat. Starting to agonize over which coats to bring with. Surprisingly not agitated over packing because I’ve actually done quite a bit, and it’s no all last minute. Packing for winter is easier than summer because I can layer-up and hide my body in sweaters and feel more or less, attractive. I am just stoked to wear jogging pants and cook and whatever, real life things. Check ya later!
MY BF IS ANGRY is soon to be loaded up with so much more authentic angry bf observances. thx k bye.
Firstsies, I know that “the last goodbye” is an awful blog post title in the best of times but, 1. It’s a Jeff Buckley song and 2. The priest said it at one point. Normally I tune out everything that is said ever blasted out by my own thoughts but I heard that one, so. It’s incredible that these photos are from just yesterday it feels so far away considering so much has happened since it feels.
For shits and giggles here is Last Goodbye. If you ever want to talk about Jeff Buckey let me know because I’ve got a lot to say haha.
This is a favourite one though and Hallelujah is better than Leonard Cohen’s version of it and I am not sorry to say that either, that is probably the issue we’ll discuss. Jeff Buckley is a tragic topic because he is dead. Far before his time. And he drowned. #griefspiral omg Lol.
These two blond cherubs participated in my Papa’s mass. One sang, the other was an altar girl. When the braided girl sang Fall on your knees, we lost it. It was the most magical blissful, bautiful moment one could hope for. So memorable. Heartbreaking and haunting. This girl sang for my papa before just last Christmas too. My nana hired them, friends of family. So very special and we were in awe in our grief, a mini Sound of Music angel sang such a touching tribute to my Papa. In the words of Jeck Buckley it was so real.
I was amped up and nervous on the way there not knowing if I could speak during the service or not because it’s a traditional practice style mass thing, so I kicked it off and spoke at the beginning which was great because I could get it over with and not dwell nervously upon it throughout the mass. I could barely see as I read because I cried so much, I couldn’t to look to anyone for cues for how it was going either because I just simply could not fucking see, but they all heard me and congratulated me afterward and this is a clear cut memory blurred image imprinted forevermore on my mind. No one forgets funerals.You never forget family either, people you seldom see yet are related to – you will always remember the sweater they wore and the glass they were holding, with fondness.
This is what I added to my eulogy. It was endearing to have elder cousins/their spouses etc say they wished they knew me better so I could say something like that about them at their funeral — we joked we could just change the name and I’d say the exact same thing. Hahah I love my family. This wake taught me that I need to spend more time with some of these great people. It is never too late.
I also recall leaning over the pulpit with my arms bracing either side of it, framing my paper and feeling rather diplomatic plus like an insane baby. I do remember seeing my Nana wiping at her eyes and was like, okay go fr it Lauren. Death is a funny and uncomfortable horrific thing to navigate and when you’re on the front lines you see all of the effects it has on those closest to it and how it changes things and your scope goes a bit wonky. The grieving process hasn’t even begun for the most of us.
Dancing on his 50th Wedding Anniversary with my mom. He had a great life.
This is one of those mash-up posts so just chill.
It was a vest day. I wore those shoes on my first day and left them there that is how much I don’t wear heels. I don’t need to front like that. BUT. Maybe I will some day.
This look lasted one day.
I have been engaged in a secret robot battle bathroom war for several days now and I do not know whom else is involved but this was my most recent contribution to which it stopped shortly thereafter so who knows and I haven’t asked out loud who else is in on it but I know it is likely a select few if not one or person so it’s going to continue until I start seriously studying how many people use that bathroom and when and yes it is both psycho and awesome that I care about and am furthering it. IS IT YOU!?!? One time I had him jammed down the glass vase like an Olympic swimmer. Then he was changed into something else, climbing the branches… nice.
It is so cold today I am wearing two pairs of lounge pants and a sweater with a sweater poncho on top, wool socks, wool hat. THANKS CANADA.
Split a spinach cheddar omelette with mum today. Burning my toast partially, helps ensure I eat less carbs.
Euros wuhooooo. Too bad it takes $600 to make €400. Ridiculously unfair. I should have gone to the ghetto cash money place instead of my bank.
